People laughing at my disabled son

[Jennybeans401]

My ds has physical and mental disabilities. We are currently on holiday and I've been feeling upset today as several people have imitated/mocked him (not to his face but laughing in couples behind his back). They have also done this in front of me knowing I'm his mother.

It's made my family feel uncomfortable and I've been thinking should I speak to the hotel about it? We have worked hard to have a nice hiday and didn't expect the guests to be like this.

Hi OP - this is horrible for all of you and I think you need to take some control of the situation. So ask to speak to the general manager at the hotel and say that some of the guests are behaving in a way that is making you all uncomfortable and distressed and is there anything he can suggest that would help? Eg if they could give you a regular spot by the pool, in the restaurant where staff could keep an eye on things and intervene if guests behaving particularly rudely.

For those adults who continue mocking your son, I would be tempted to smile sweetly and say 'yes, can I help you with something?'

Seriously chill out.

It’s not OP’s job to educate others about how to treat another human especially one with disabilities. She is on holiday with her family and is focusing on making sure her DS is having a good time. She is on holiday so it’s perfectly reasonable for OP to say as much especially when this issue has potential to ruin the experience for OP.

The people being assholes know by the reaction of OP and her DH that they are being assholes.

Absolutely this.
I have a physical disability and whilst it's not too obvious I do get some ignorant adults and who stare and whisper.
My DH used to go up to them and politely call them out on it
I dont enjoy the staring but I always enjoyed that!

@Alondra
There are cultural differences in attitudes to different groups based on sex, race, disability, sexuality, age and so on. There just are.

In some countries open prejudice against some groups is less condemned than in others.
Other posters with family members with disabilities have also said they have noticed this when holidaying in certain countries.

This doesn’t mean any country is prejudice free, but there will be differences in likelihood to come across prejudice in some countries.

I wonder if you could write a few words on a piece of paper, ideally in their language.

You would walk up to them, in a calm way, and hand them this note.

Then turn your back on them and walk away.

Not very threatening but quietly to the point.

It’s fucking appalling. I’m angry reading this and have no skin in the game.

I don’t understand how dehumanising someone is ever funny. Ever. I can’t imagine the lowlife that would think that it is, let alone verbalise it and let alone to be validated by other people. These people are the real dregs of society.

Entirely for you to decide how to handle - what will cause you least stress and preserve you and your families dignity. No right or wrong answer.

I just wanted to add that I do think you can complain to the hotel. You probably would if the neighbours were too noisy in the middle of the night or drunken guests were dominating the restaurant. I would if someone was racially abusive or a man was sexually harassing me. The appalling attitude and prejudice won’t change but the hotel would have the chance to make clear this is an unacceptable way to treat other guests and hopefully at least stop the disgraceful behaviour.

Hope the rest of your break is better.

FFS what is wrong with people!

I was hoping that you’d at least say these were teens or children but it sounds like they’re adults which is just embarrassing!

I would not confront them in front of your DS as that’s not fair on him but id definitely give them a stare, roll your eyes or say “problem?” if they’re British.

I agree with the PP about speaking to the hotel and asking them to keep an eye out. But I’m not sure there is much they can do unless they see it themselves.
And even then unless it’s the manger they may not want to be confrontational to them.

What I would 100% do is secretly film it.
I’d have one of you recording DS at nearly all times.

You then have proof to give to the hotel manager or better yet out on SM so the world can see what utter scum they are.

There are some things the hotel can do.
Ultimately it's up to them who they accept as clients and if guests' behaviour is unacceptable, and in this case bullying and discriminatory, they can chuck people out.
They could also, for example, put signs up and post on their social media, that they welcome holidaymakers with disabilities and won't tolerate unacceptable behaviour towards guests.
So, it's worth complaining.
And if that has no impact, go to town on them when you write a review afterwards so that other people in your position avoid booking there.

So pleased your DS is having a lovely holiday!

Totally sickened by people mocking anyone with a disability, let alone a child.

Just be relieved you get to go home with your lovely DS, they have to go home with their nasty selves 😡

I am very very sorry that's what has happened. I've had similar when one of mine wore a helmet, abroad was much more difficult than in the UK. Very tiring for you. I used to completely ignore those people pointedly, and talk animatedly or in a relaxed way to my child. It is upsetting for you though. Just know you are better than them. That's all you can say to yourself.

I don't think creating a scene or getting your husband arrested is the right way forward- yes, it may make you feel momentarily better, but not for long and it won't stop the next people staring or saying something, a lot of people stare, even in the UK. Best to put on your protective shell and go about your business.

I also took my disabled husband out a lot in a wheelchair but that elicited pity- people would actually pat me on the hand or say 'I don't know how you do it' (as he was clearly very ill) which weirdly was worse.

The nice thing would just be to blend in and not matter! Don't let the fuckers spoil your holiday.

I'm so sorry to hear this, it has made me really angry. Absolute fuckers. It's exhausting calling people out and it can make you feel quite vulnerable. I'm so sorry you and your lovey son are in this situation.

I’m upset reading this on your behalf OP. I’m so glad your darling son hasn’t noticed too much and is enjoying his holiday. Some people are completely ignorant to disabilities especially when the reality is that it can happen to anyone and at any stage in their lives. Let’s hope they don’t have to experience what you have this holiday (although the terrible part of my brain thinks they would deserve it for being such wankers)

I don't have a disabled child but I went to school with a boy who had a birth injury resulting in him being severely physically disabled. We all rallied around him and he was never treated differently - well - he was our first player every time so he was special to us all. His legs were badly affected but he was given a sort of advantage like a golf handicap in sports. He was brilliant at sports!

My dd had a best friend whose older brother was severely autistic. I was a little alarmed on my first visit to my dd's friend's house as the little boy ran up and stroked the fabric on my trousers and my jacket and such (I get alarmed by sudden approaches as a result of abuse but I never showed it nor would I). The Mum explained that he loved feeling different fabrics. I guess he was only about 12 I suppose. He had a support dog too (I'm allergic to dogs) and the doggy of course had to lick me lol, but he was such a lovely little boy that I considered it a complete compliment that he trusted me so much to stroke the various fabrics of my clothes and that even the doggy approved! I walked out thinking 'yeay, I've got good taste in fabrics' lol.

It's awful that some people can't see goodness in other people.

I wouldn't call them on their bad behaviour because people who act like they have won't care.

It'll only upset your holiday further and if they become aggressive It'll be awful.

Dagger looks.

Hope they catch scabies.

Enjoy the rest of your holiday.

I'm so sorry to read this

Please maintain your dignity and enjoy your holiday

When they stare or behave inappropriately I would say " can we help you , are you lost , why are you staring?"

Do not allow these utter twats to spoil your time with your family

I'd also like to just punch them in their bloody throat

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I agree you can talk to the management about this, of course it's not their fault people are behaving badly, but they can do something to help with the situation.

I haven't read all the comments, only yours, but I disagree with the ones I have read from pp, that the hotel can't do anything about it. If the hard-faced women you've mentioned are staying there, I think the hotel should have some responsibility. Would they continue to allow guests to stay who were being violent or disruptive? I think this is on a par with that to be honest. It's sickening and invading your privacy and enjoyment horribly.

Not in Western European countries. There are no differences.

My nephew is severely disabled and some of the biggest issues we had with him were in London. In one instance, we were coming out of a pub from dinner to be confronted by two guys making spastic movements and laughing their heads off. The second time, a couple of drunks tried to get his wheelchair.....with him in it.

Please, spare me the "abroad insensibility" to disabled people. My nephew lives in Spain and has rarely had a problem in his 30 + years.

I repeat, arseholes exist everywhere. Disabled people are more exposed to abuse than the rest of us, no matter where they are. It's up to us parents, family and friends to strongly advocate for them.

That's fucking horrendous.

Seriously, what's wrong with people?? This is appalling!
I could understand staring, but mocking in on a totally different level.

I'd be videoing them, putting it on Sonia's media and tagging the hotel/resort and relevant charities/spokesmen for your son's condition. I'd tell the nasty bullies what I am doing. If they object I'd laugh long and hard and so a 'little hand' mocking them speaking. Shame on them.

Arseholes. I'd film them and put it all over social media.

@Jennybeans401 I'm so sorry for the appalling behaviour that you've encountered.

Not everyone has the opportunity to meet disabled people and our selfie-obsessed society seems to be more frightened than ever of 'otherness'. I come into regular contact with people who have suffered neurological injuries and my life is richer for it.

I'm very glad that your son is enjoying himself.

The waltz is very important here. Agreed.

OP this is absolutely awful I’m so sorry it’s happening to your family. Makes me sick.