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Original poster

To be rational about death

80 replies

frustratedhostage · 25/08/2022 01:50

Ok, so I'm going to try to explain this as best I can. It's been brought to my attention that I apparently have a strange outlook on life/death, so I'd love opinions!

My attitude is that I'm not scared of death. It happens to us all eventually and I try to live each day well/fully and embrace being alive rather than worrying about dying.

I find it difficult to empathise with people who are overly dramatic about death. For example, elderly relatives who dress like they're in their 20's with dyed hair and lots of makeup suddenly developing an irrational sense of their own mortality as people their age start dying.
It's a given. We all die and if you're in your 70's/80's , what do you eclecticism? We're not immortal!!!

I do think that it seems to be hitting people I know who are desperately clinging onto their youth a lot harder. Like the makeup, unnatural hair colour and this whole younger illusion has not prepared them mentally for the reality if their actual age...

From what I've seen, those people who live a more authentic life where they are happy in their own skin and aren't trying to be something they're not seem to be more at ease with the whole thing...

I don't feel my outlook is strange. I think it's realistic!

OP posts:
Original poster
frustratedhostage · 25/08/2022 01:51

'Eclecticism' should be the word 'expect'

OP posts:
JubileeTissues · 25/08/2022 01:53
Confused
LondonQueen · 25/08/2022 01:54

😳

vodkaredbullgirl · 25/08/2022 01:57

🤔

Captnip500 · 25/08/2022 02:04

I don’t think the make up, unnatural hair colour or living like a young person is necessarily anything to do with avoiding death. It’s just living your life and enjoying yourself. A lot of people stop caring what other people think as they get older.

We all know we are going to die, you are not unique in that. Some people are more at ease with it then others, some
people fear it. It’s great that you are comfortable with it but there is nothing wrong with others who struggle with it more. Leaving this planet and everyone you know is a big deal, after all.

RiverSkater · 25/08/2022 02:06

How old are you OP 🤔

Original poster
frustratedhostage · 25/08/2022 02:09

I completely agree that it's a big deal but I really do struggle with some people that behave as of it's a sudden realisation at an age where it's a given. It's honestly like they've just been in denial their whole lives and I find that strange and, being honest, a bit stupid (I know that sounds awful but I can't think of a better way to explain it).

The makeup thing might just be the people I know but it's the ones who dress and do their makeup to look a lot younger who seem to struggle with this reality

OP posts:
Original poster
frustratedhostage · 25/08/2022 02:10

RiverSkater · 25/08/2022 02:06

How old are you OP 🤔

In my 50's so I'm not young or naive!

OP posts:
DeeCeeCherry · 25/08/2022 02:19

Ageism dressed up as 'practicality philosophy'

wackamole · 25/08/2022 02:31

Your approach is, on the surface, a good and healthy one for yourself. People should not be hassling you just for having or (non-obnoxiously) expressing these beliefs.

But I have to say that as someone who sat at the bedside earlier this year of a family member who decided to die rather than undergo intusive treatments, you are very off and weird in the ways that you project your beliefs onto other people. My family member was 86, never once as far as anyone who knew her could remember pretended to be younger, never would have wanted that. She thought she was ready to die, all things considered. When dying, she found she was not as ready as she had thought.

Of course she fucking knew she was going to die. But to be faced with dying right now versus sometime soon, in the middle of an epidemic which meant all that the ways she thought she would leave this earth were turned on their heads - it's not great. It's not surprising that people can't handle it as well as you think they should.

I don't think you'll get this, but what the hell, posting it anyway.

EmmaH2022 · 25/08/2022 02:32

I could relate until you got to comments on appearance.

plus, there's a difference between knowing you are going to die and thinking it might be soon.

EmmaH2022 · 25/08/2022 02:34

Cross post with wackamole
"She thought she was ready to die, all things considered. When dying, she found she was not as ready as she had thought."

Yes, this has been a theme with some of my parents elderly friends.

TamSamLam · 25/08/2022 02:36

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

ThisWomamsWork · 25/08/2022 02:41

I think you've got yourself in a bit of a muddle OP.

You've confused the entirely normal fact of dying and a pragmatic and realistic approach to the business of death with an enjoyment of fashion, beauty, and clothes.

Don't feel bad.

It's easily done!

Original poster
frustratedhostage · 25/08/2022 02:43

wackamole · 25/08/2022 02:31

Your approach is, on the surface, a good and healthy one for yourself. People should not be hassling you just for having or (non-obnoxiously) expressing these beliefs.

But I have to say that as someone who sat at the bedside earlier this year of a family member who decided to die rather than undergo intusive treatments, you are very off and weird in the ways that you project your beliefs onto other people. My family member was 86, never once as far as anyone who knew her could remember pretended to be younger, never would have wanted that. She thought she was ready to die, all things considered. When dying, she found she was not as ready as she had thought.

Of course she fucking knew she was going to die. But to be faced with dying right now versus sometime soon, in the middle of an epidemic which meant all that the ways she thought she would leave this earth were turned on their heads - it's not great. It's not surprising that people can't handle it as well as you think they should.

I don't think you'll get this, but what the hell, posting it anyway.

I'm so sorry for your loss. That must have been very difficult x

My views are my own and I don't ever say them to others apart from a couple of close friends (one of whom thought my attitude was strange).

OP posts:
Original poster
frustratedhostage · 25/08/2022 02:45

ThisWomamsWork · 25/08/2022 02:41

I think you've got yourself in a bit of a muddle OP.

You've confused the entirely normal fact of dying and a pragmatic and realistic approach to the business of death with an enjoyment of fashion, beauty, and clothes.

Don't feel bad.

It's easily done!

Perhaps it's just the elderly people I know. They really are falling into two camps. One is the make upped/trying to reclaim youth group who don't appear to deal well with mortality and then the others are really pragmatic/realistic and are the green welly/ natural lot!

OP posts:
expat101 · 25/08/2022 02:45

I'm not scared of death either, just don't want it to be a painful, lengthy, suffering (for anyone around me including myself) one.

Original poster
frustratedhostage · 25/08/2022 02:45

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

I think you're right

OP posts:
ThermoSpooklear · 25/08/2022 02:45

You're not worried about death but you are worried about how elderly people dress and do their hair and makeup. Okay.

Original poster
frustratedhostage · 25/08/2022 02:48

ThermoSpooklear · 25/08/2022 02:45

You're not worried about death but you are worried about how elderly people dress and do their hair and makeup. Okay.

You've completely misunderstood what I'm saying. I said I'm finding that the ones I know who dress/make themselves up to be younger are being quite surprised/scared at people their age dying when in reality they're all in their 70's/80's. They appear to have less of a grip on mortality than others I know that have grown old more naturally/gracefully.

OP posts:
MissTrip82 · 25/08/2022 02:52

Hahahahaha.

i can’t imagine being so naive or insightless as to imagine that how I feel now at 40 and in excellent health is how I’ll feel when it really comes down to it.

sidheandlight · 25/08/2022 02:53

until you have been told you have terminal cancer, you have no idea how you feel about death.

Testina · 25/08/2022 02:54

I really really doubt your subject sample size is large enough to draw any conclusion at all.
You do sound ridiculously smug though.

Original poster
frustratedhostage · 25/08/2022 02:57

Testina · 25/08/2022 02:54

I really really doubt your subject sample size is large enough to draw any conclusion at all.
You do sound ridiculously smug though.

It definitely isn't large enough to draw general conclusions.
I'm not smug though. Just really not scared of dying at all. I'd just like it to impact my family as little as possible. The concern would never be for me as, let's face it. I'd be dead.
I've lived through several things over the years that have left me with a very straightforward view on life/death.

OP posts:
Original poster
frustratedhostage · 25/08/2022 02:58

sidheandlight · 25/08/2022 02:53

until you have been told you have terminal cancer, you have no idea how you feel about death.

There are other terminal illnesses/illnesses that are said to be terminal but either have cures/ways of prolonging things.

OP posts: