Who is being unreasonable here?

[Telivania]

Kitchen area has had some work done. 2 tradesmen were in the house working on it for a whole day. Obviously they had breaks in between (went for lunch, etc).

Person A and Person B are married and live together. A was the one at home while the tradies were in, while B was out at work.

A told them they were welcome to make their own drinks (tea, coffee, etc), but wouldn't personally be serving them anything.

B thinks A was rude and had no manners, as making drinks and food for tradies is basic hospitality and costs nothing.

A insists it's not about the cost, but about the principle. A refuses to act as a 'servant' to random men who are simply doing their job (and being paid a lot of money for it).

B still disagrees and thinks A was being disrespectful.

Who is BU?

To add though - if A literally said “I won’t personally be serving you anything” then that is rude. It’s fine to say “please help yourself” and show them where things are. Not fine to say “I won’t personally be serving you anything” - that’s really chippy and weird.

I think A is a woman making a point that she's not there to make drinks for men

"it was rude to then say they wouldn't be doing it for them"

This wasn't directly said. Also everything was placed in the same cupboard for easy access, which was shown to them.

If you told them to help themselves it's fine.

If you said "because I won't be serving you" you're rude.

Pointless argument really. It's making a cup of tea not on your knees polishing their boots
Get a grip!!

And quite right, too.

Do you have someone who makes all your drinks on demand while you're in work? If so, you're privileged (unless, of course, you pay them precisely for that task)

Exactly this

I'm not saying for a minute that she should. But stop all this A and B rubbish and tell it like it is. And be a bit more polite to the people in your house.
There's the tea and coffee etc just help yourself whenever you're ready.

It's a non issue

A is rude! I’d personally have offered/made them something. I may on this occasion, purely because it was in the kitchen have set up a little station and said I’ve left this here for you to help yourselves so I don’t get in your way. It’s part of having tradesmen round to offer hospitality.

I normally leave tradesmen to crack on and have a drink when they want one rather than dictate timings to them.

A good tradie brings their own kettle and doesn't bother anyone else when they want a drink!

I offer the first to be polite.

A is correct.

"And be a bit more polite to the people in your house. There's the tea and coffee etc just help yourself whenever you're ready."

This is exactly what was said...

As a tradie it's nice to be told to help myself, 3 cups a day usually. It means I can take a break when suits the job rather than waiting and wondering when one will be offered.

I certainly don't expect to be waited on but any hint that they won't be serving me because I'm merely a random man paid to be there would make me think they were stuck up their own arse and think they were so much better than me, man or woman.

What was said is fine, it's the reasoning of refusing to act as a servant for random men. I'm not surprised B thought that disrespectful.

Working in someone else's home is all about mutual trust and respect.

I do politely turn down offers of food though beyond a biscuit.

I always offer to make the first drink for anyone working in my home, and will offer another if I'm making my own, otherwise I tell them they're free to help themselves to tea, coffee, juice or biscuits.

Did A not even bother to make one drink? If so, I do think that's incredibly rude.

I think A is totally fine.

"What was said is fine, it's the reasoning of refusing to act as a servant for random men. I'm not surprised B thought that disrespectful."

What does this even mean? So I SHOULD act as a servant all day long for random men?

They had full access to drinks, snacks, food in cupboards, bathroom, etc.

Yes, I am A by the way as a lot of you shrewdly observed 😁 I obviously didn't disguise it very well!

But that is not how you worded it in your OP.

That's what came across as rude

I don't think being hospitable means you are being someone's servant. When someone comes to my home I always offer them a drink whether they are paid or not. Added to that, person A is making it sound as if the workman are THEIR servants- we're paying you, get on and do your job and don't bother me. That seems very unfriendly and snobby.

Also, I think you can make the first drink out of common courtesy, then tell them to help themselves to subsequent drinks.

"person A is making it sound as if the workman are THEIR servants- we're paying you, get on and do your job and don't bother me. That seems very unfriendly and snobby."

That very clearly is not the implication, but crack on!

What does this even mean? So I SHOULD act as a servant all day long for random men?

No but you shouldn't make a point of not doing it just because they're men

I said that is how it SOUNDS.

I think A is correct.
I make a good morning drink, but there after I put out a tray with tea/mugs etc for them to help themselves.
I don't want to be constantly asking them if they want tea or them feeling that they have to ask every time.