To tell the neighbours kids to FO?

[Pigsinmuck]

I have a 3 and 6 year old. Neighbour further down the road has a 4, 7 and 9 year old.

My children have been out on the street playing on bikes with them a few times (always supervised by me) and a few weeks back they came into our garden to play. I stayed out with them and for a while they played nicely.

Since then the 4 and 7 year old have knocked on our door multiple times a day asking to play in our garden. They often bring the older kids from down the road with them, are boisterous, ask for drinks and snacks and don’t actually play with my children. I suggest my 2 go out to play with them but they don’t want that, they want to play in our garden. If I say sorry my 2 don’t want to play at the minute they say that’s ok, we will still play in your garden!

I feel I can’t have them there unsupervised because they are mean to my kids, and trash the place throwing sand and mud everywhere and kicking footballs at my kids. But I can’t spend hours outside watching them all when I’ve got stuff to do.

I ask them to leave while my kids have dinner and they argue, saying it’s fine for them to stay. I obviously say no it’s not fine and they need to go, but it’s met with eye rolling and tutting! They then return to ring the doorbell every 10 minutes while we are eating!

I can’t let my own kids out on the garden now as they shout over the fence from the street to be allowed over.

It’s driving me insane! They have knocked twice this morning already to be told both times I’m not having them over as a)we are still in pj’s and having a lazy morning (to which they said, that’s ok we can still play in the garden!) and b) we are going out later.

AIBU to tell them to FO the next time they knock! I’ve been polite, I’ve been firm, but they are still disturbing us constantly!

As my kids grow I want them to be able to have friends over, and for my house to be a safe space for them to socialise rather than out on the streets.

But I don’t want to supervise the whole streets kids all summer long who actually aren’t interested in socialising with my children.

We’ve been out all afternoon, within 15 minutes of being home they have knocked here with the opening phrase “can I play in your garden”. I’ve said no, and they have gone back to the open space on the street to kick balls at our fence panels!

Where the hell are their parents?.
You did good telling them no means no as for playing in the garden. Kicking balls against your fence in retaliation is unacceptable. Go tell them to stop.

Do you know if others in the street have had problems with this family/kids ?

Well now the attitude from the kids did not just magic itself up. It is learned behaviour. I say the parents do not give a shit.

How are people so weak... Tell them to leave! It's so simple!

All that twaddle about your kids is irrelevant. A bunch of local kids have decided to take over your garden, you tell them to leave.

I mean they'll probably slash your tyres, but this is why you never speak to neighbourhood brats. They've been turfed out of their own house for a reason.

Back out now OP you've seen the warning signs.

Fall out with them it'll be worth it longterm.

Easier said then done.

I am accosted by the DC around here too, even the feral ones can be really sweet at times it is unfair it isn't their fault they haven't been taught how to behave or how to have basic manners.

For those who think it is lack of back bone unless you're willing to physically remove these DC your talking to the wall, even then they'll come back 10 minutes later.

We randomly had the neighbour’s kids in our house today to play with our 3 year old. Age 4 and 5, both from different families. Once I told them it was time to go because we were leaving, they both got up politely and left immediately (I walked the 4 year old back to her house). I don’t mind the kids asking to come in if they’re polite. As I said, they were very young but understood how to be respectful. I wouldn’t stick for kids behaving like that, I just wouldn’t open the door to them again. The 7 year old should know better!

Time to lose it over the fence panels. You’re allowing this??? Go out and tell them to
stop at once. Tell them to kick a football at their own house.

What have their parents said? Are they sympathetic?

You need to go out and tell them/their parents not to kick the ball against the fence then.

Obviously telling children to fuck off is unreasonable. But saying no and saying bye - have fun elsewhere etc, calmly closing the door shows them that grown ups don't and won't have to have a reason. They're used to their parents, putting across their pov to them. They're just not yet willing to take no for an answer my gran said children need 21 years yo be domesticated. They've got a long way to go.

I do need to work on being more assertive though. I am a bit of a people pleaser and I usually find it results in people taking advantage of my nature.

Yes you do need to learn to be assertive if you're going to tell small children to fuck off.

This is very likely to lead to their parents knocking on your door and giving you a right mouthful for swearing at their children, so you'll have to learn to defend yourself.

You could of course cut the swearing (which interestingly you can't even bring yourself to type) and just be firm with them.

Actually, tell the parents that you have a ring doorbell and have recorded every time their kids have come to harass you and that they are now trying to destroy your fence with a ball. You have asked them nicely not to do this and they are ignoring you. If they don’t stop immediately you’re going to report them for harrassment and any damage, the parents will be liable for this.

Hello Op are you too nervous to speak to the parents? (Not nasty - genuine question)

What do you know of the parents?

Sorry, the kids can’t play today.

closes door

it’s not hard.

Tell them no, don’t give excuses. By doing so you’re implying that if you weren’t in pjs or going out, then they could come and play. Be firm and don’t give in. If they hurt themselves on your property, you’d be opening yourself up to their parents blaming you.

They’re kids, you’re an adult, you need to show some authority.

I can't imagine what parent leaves their 4 and 7yo roaming around like this. A 4yo is so small to be having such an attitude. You need to speak to the parents or very firmly tell them they are not to come to your house unless they are asked.

I would avoid kids like these. They're very young and roaming around the streets, clearly bored if they're knocking on your door constantly, and then when you do say no, they kick their football at your fence.
Have you ever wondered how they find the time to knock on your door so often? Do they treat everyone down your street the same? Do they go from one house to another knocking on all of the doors?
I'd imagine other neighbours dont entertain them.

I'd put money on their parents not giving a shit what they're doing so long as they're not indoors.
I've known many parents over the years, and the parents who have no idea what hassle their kids are causing neighbours, leaving them to wander the streets all day are usually parents who cba with their kids.
They are also usually very vocal when their kids are 'told off' by other parents.

@Dahliasandtea, @Shrubb157 , @ABJ100 , @Junipercrumble -
www.mumsnet.com/talk/site_stuff/4678030-what-is-this-you-might-also-like-clutter?page=3&reply=121585836

Just in case you happened across this thread because of the 'feature' mentioned in the thread above. The last post (before you posted on 15th Nov) was back in August 2022.

Er sorry !!!! I’ve voted you are being unreasonable. After your first paragraph I would have voted the other way. I can’t believe the rest of the post. Where are parents? Do you live in a close community or something? Why on earth are you justifying your reasons for them to not play in your garden? To bring their friends? Your kids not involved! Is this one of those wind up posts I read about?
My reply to first paragraph is never be horrible to children but explain that it’s your garden and they can not come unless you invite them. It’s not public space. If that doesn’t work you might have to seek out parents as you can’t be subjected to this harassment.

Yeah, well obviously don’t tell them to fuck off. Just say no. Say you’re busy. Tell them maybe you can arrange with their parents to have them over in the new year.

Zombie

Oops! Thanks 😬