To tell the neighbours kids to FO?

[Pigsinmuck]

I have a 3 and 6 year old. Neighbour further down the road has a 4, 7 and 9 year old.

My children have been out on the street playing on bikes with them a few times (always supervised by me) and a few weeks back they came into our garden to play. I stayed out with them and for a while they played nicely.

Since then the 4 and 7 year old have knocked on our door multiple times a day asking to play in our garden. They often bring the older kids from down the road with them, are boisterous, ask for drinks and snacks and don’t actually play with my children. I suggest my 2 go out to play with them but they don’t want that, they want to play in our garden. If I say sorry my 2 don’t want to play at the minute they say that’s ok, we will still play in your garden!

I feel I can’t have them there unsupervised because they are mean to my kids, and trash the place throwing sand and mud everywhere and kicking footballs at my kids. But I can’t spend hours outside watching them all when I’ve got stuff to do.

I ask them to leave while my kids have dinner and they argue, saying it’s fine for them to stay. I obviously say no it’s not fine and they need to go, but it’s met with eye rolling and tutting! They then return to ring the doorbell every 10 minutes while we are eating!

I can’t let my own kids out on the garden now as they shout over the fence from the street to be allowed over.

It’s driving me insane! They have knocked twice this morning already to be told both times I’m not having them over as a)we are still in pj’s and having a lazy morning (to which they said, that’s ok we can still play in the garden!) and b) we are going out later.

AIBU to tell them to FO the next time they knock! I’ve been polite, I’ve been firm, but they are still disturbing us constantly!

Try

“you are not listening to me, I said no. I dont let children who dont listen play in my garden”. Repeat as needed

Why are you providing reasons for your refusal to CHILDREN about your OWN property!!

Don't be a doormatt, OP - just tell them your garden will not be available to them anymore and to stop knocking.

This is an utterly ridiculous situation, honestly. You're being bullied by kids!! And if one of them breaks a leg in your garden you watch their parents come at you!!

OF COURSE you need to tell them to FO!! Just don't use the term FO!!

You made the mistake of letting them do it previously. They now think they can come round when they want. It doesn’t sound like they care about your DC at all - they just want to use your garden and the stuff in it!

Say No and never say Yes again. Tell them bluntly that it’s a private garden and they should play in their own garden or in the street/public grass area. Repeat ad nauseam. Don’t explain, don’t make excuses - say No and mean it.

Stop giving reasons - as to a child’s mind they’re not going to get the hint like an adult would, instead they’re going to keep coming up with ideas.

If you say no because you’re in your PJs - that sounds like you’re embarrassed by the PJs and not because you don’t want them there.

If you say no because they’re eating or whatever - that sounds like come back again and ask again.

You need to stop giving reasons.

If they knock on say ‘no not today as we’re busy all day’.
If they ask what just say something like ‘never you mind’ or ‘just busy doing different things’.
If they knock again say can you please stop knocking as I already told you we are busy all day.

You do need to be firmer but that doesn’t mean you have to be horrible.
The main thing is that you need to not beat around the bush.

No need for rudeness, they' are kids.Just keep saying a firm NO! They'll get the idea.

I'm so confused why it's so difficult for you to just say no to these random kids? It's literally your property.

This.

Omg this is pathetic. You are the adult fgs! You are letting a 7 and 9 year old tell you what to do?? Don't open the door or tell them you are going to speak to their parents if they don't understand that you are saying no.

Tell them no and speak to their parents if they keep knocking when you've asked them to leave

You need to tell them they're not allowed in your garden due to their behaviour and to stop knocking.

If they come back, you need to go knock on their parent's door.

When mine were that age, I had a flag system (lived on a housing estate full of kids allowed out to play, mine included).
Red card in the window, kids not allowed out, don't knock under any circumstances.
Green- kids are free, please knock. Once they were out, the red card went back up.
Anyone who knocked "on a red" they weren't allowed to play with them for a week.

Grow a backbone!! Say no, you are not coming around here again after your behaviour last time. Then slam the door. Job done.

Our neighbours’ perfectly pleasant kids developed a habit of coming over here for hours. The mum would text DH and say hey, the boys want to play are your kids free? He would say yes and they would be here most of the day. I told him next time (and every time) to say yep I’ll send them over to you. She got the hint very quickly and now it’s much more equal between the two houses. DH on his own would have let them move in…..

I agree with @BreatheAndFocus, these kids aren't actually interested in being friends with your kids, they just want to use your play equipment in the garden. They'd probably prefer to use it when your kids aren't there to get in the way.

I feel I can’t have them there unsupervised because they are mean to my kids, and trash the place throwing sand and mud everywhere and kicking footballs at my kids. I can't imagine why you would even entertain the idea of their returning to play at yours after this, never mind bringing older kids and demanding drinks and snacks. The cheek of it!

Be blunt, rather than faffing around with a thousand words. "No, you can't play here today." "No, our garden isn't a park. Play in your own garden." "No, you didn't play nicely last time, so no more." (Mind you they would probably respond to that by saying they would be nice this time, but you could say "No, you had one chance and blew it. No more.") No no no.

OP - we had a slightly similar situation here in that neighbourhood boy came to play with DS but really, he just wanted time on DS' playstation. DS was happy to have someone to play with so we were fine with it. And the boy was a nice boy. We found it odd that the spent so much time at our house and that the parents didn't seem to know or care but figured we were being kind by letting him hang out.

Sadly, as the boys got older, this boy was also playing with other children. And then trying to bring them into our house OR, as DS got older and was able to go out by himself, he met up with these children. Unfortunately, the boys who were allowed out with no supervision from very young also, as it turns out, are the boys who then subsequently get into trouble. DS then distanced himself, with our support. But now is regularly threatened and bullied by this group. The original boy sort of stays out of it, but he's not exactly standing up for DS either.

What we came to realise is that you have to realise that poor parenting leads to poor outcomes for other children and this is the first step.

I'd distance yourself now and aim for a polite but non-committal engagement with these children in all ways.

Just say no.

Telling children to FO is a major adulting fail

No. Said firmly and door closed.

God they sound like annoying little brats and I do not care how old they are. Mine would never act like that at any age. Be firm and say no and close the door. Ignore the bell (in my case I snipped it so mine doesnt work at all now) and if that does not work walk them home to their parents and tell them to parent them themselves and stop sending them to your place to be minded.

They want to come because we have play equipment outside, but the only reason their garden is bare is because they have broken everything that was on it!

I suspected it was because your garden is more fun than theirs.

Big girl pants on and keep saying no!

This is a great suggestion apart from the opportunity that the kids will say "Oh my mum/dad/aunt/uncle says that it's ok for me to play in your garden" because said mum/dad/aunt/uncle wants a bit of peace and quiet.

You have to retort with "Well, it's not ok for me. Now you have to leave" and watch as they leave. Don't let them back in the garden until you want them back in (whenever that might be)

What a fab idea, keeps the hassle out of it and everyone knowns where they stand! Thanks for sharing.

Just say you have had to stop all play in the garden, if your children want to play outside they are welcome to join them, but any knocking on the door to play will be met with a NO,

@bjrce You are obviously a young mum....

@SpiderinaWingMirror Anyone who knocked "on a red" they weren't allowed to play with them for a week.

Whilst I like the idea of the red/green cards in the window, I'm sorry but the above just makes you sound arrogant to be honest. Gives the impression there's some kind of superiority complex.

The problem is you’re giving them excuses. Just tell them no more and that’s final. You’re not a bloody play centre!

I hear you and I'm with you.

I cannot wait for the school to return.

I know the type of cling in children who you are referring to.

I never had an issue doing the friendship thing for DD but DS and his friends are another league of madness.

Like you said I watch over them as DS has a couple of problems and I'm often gobsmacked by the behaviour and lack of parental input his friends display, knocking at 9am or 9pm, hanging out all day asking for drinks, toilet.

I do tell them to get out sometimes but they just come back.

I wouldn't put my DC on anyone without checking and returning the favour.