To tell the neighbours kids to FO?

[Pigsinmuck]

I have a 3 and 6 year old. Neighbour further down the road has a 4, 7 and 9 year old.

My children have been out on the street playing on bikes with them a few times (always supervised by me) and a few weeks back they came into our garden to play. I stayed out with them and for a while they played nicely.

Since then the 4 and 7 year old have knocked on our door multiple times a day asking to play in our garden. They often bring the older kids from down the road with them, are boisterous, ask for drinks and snacks and don’t actually play with my children. I suggest my 2 go out to play with them but they don’t want that, they want to play in our garden. If I say sorry my 2 don’t want to play at the minute they say that’s ok, we will still play in your garden!

I feel I can’t have them there unsupervised because they are mean to my kids, and trash the place throwing sand and mud everywhere and kicking footballs at my kids. But I can’t spend hours outside watching them all when I’ve got stuff to do.

I ask them to leave while my kids have dinner and they argue, saying it’s fine for them to stay. I obviously say no it’s not fine and they need to go, but it’s met with eye rolling and tutting! They then return to ring the doorbell every 10 minutes while we are eating!

I can’t let my own kids out on the garden now as they shout over the fence from the street to be allowed over.

It’s driving me insane! They have knocked twice this morning already to be told both times I’m not having them over as a)we are still in pj’s and having a lazy morning (to which they said, that’s ok we can still play in the garden!) and b) we are going out later.

AIBU to tell them to FO the next time they knock! I’ve been polite, I’ve been firm, but they are still disturbing us constantly!

just say no
its your garden not a park.

If I say sorry my 2 don’t want to play at the minute they say that’s ok, we will still play in your garden!

It doesn’t sound like you’ve been firm at all if you’re letting random children in your garden when your kids aren’t there!

I've voted you're being unreasonable because it's unreasonable to let yourself be bullied by a group of small children. Just say a firm no. If they knock again, ignore them. If they become a nuisance, speak to their parents.

I haven’t allowed it, they have said they can still play without them but I’ve always said no you can’t and sent them away.

Tell them no, I don't want you playing in our garden anymore, play in your own. Stop answering the door to them. Once you start saying no every time, they’ll give up. Or break in.
If they are rude, be abrupt back.

@Pigsinmuck tell them firmly “no, you cannot play in my garden. Ask again and I will speak with your parents”. If they continue to knock, do not answer the door. Just ignore them.

would you feel comfortable speaking with the parents? Can’t say I’d feel happy with my young children playing in someone’s garden who I don’t really know!

It doesn't sound like you've been firm at all. You're the adult. Tell them that mo they can't come, no they can't play in the garden on their own and if they come back and knock on the door, they will ignore and if they persist, you'll tell them off.

It sounds like those kids are being more assertive than you.

They said they would, op did not say she let them

It's ok we will still play in your garden.

No you won't. It's not a park. Go home.

Knock on their parents’ door and tell them that their DC are being a nuisance, that if your DC are out playing in the street then it’s great that they can all play together but you don’t want to have to supervise three extra children in the garden especially when they’re fighting and throwing things. If parent is out out by that, great, you’ll feel even less obliged to entertain their DC.

I wouldn't have a 3 year old and 6 year old playing out the front at all especially if I had a garden. How are you supervising standing there's watching them.

I agree, you should just stop answering the door. If they persist and persist have a word with the parents.

Say no, if they don’t stop go to their parents and tell them they need to get their kids to pack it in.

They are being rude, too forward, but they are children. Just say "no, you can't play in our garden unless dc are playing with you"

When they arrive with a group "no, not today"

They will soon realise the routine is they can play in your garden when your children want them to.

Just keep saying no.

Do you have a gate to your garden ? If not get one and a lock or bolt so it can’t be opened by them.
Children may not have developed the filters to understand a polite no so you are going to have to be VERY BLUNT.
So - can x and y play today. No not today. That’s ok we can go in your garden. No you can’t - my garden isn’t a park for everyone to play in.(hard stare) now go back to your house or go to the real park and stop calling round as it’s not convenient today and I won’t be changing my mind. ( shut the door)
if they do come back say -look I told you before the only children I allow to play in my garden are the ones I allow in. I’m not having any friends round today.

We live in a very quiet road and I stand and watch them go up and down the street on their bikes. It’s a big square with a grass area so lots more space than the garden for bike riding.

I had neighbours like this. Their parents were CF who kept sending them round. As well as that, they were feral, aggressive, thieving jerks. I would tell that they are not going to play in your garden anymore. “Okay, I have had enough of this. STOP ringing my doorbell and don’t ask me if you can play in my garden. The answer is no. It’s not going to change.”
Riiiiiiiiing!
“Go home!”
Riiiiiing!
”Go home!”

They obviously aren't scared enough of you. You need to be more feisty.

You don't have to tell them to fuck off.

But you do have to tell them that they won't be playing in the garden ever again. And not to bother asking.

Yes YABU telling a 4 and 7 year old to FO but obviously not U for not wanting them in your garden etc. Go and speak to their parents and tell them to stop their children coming over, surely this is obvious. If you feel you need some excuse say you suffer from migraines or something.

What are the parents like? Could you ask them to have a word?

I don’t mind them coming over every now and again when I’ve got time to supervise and organise games to include my children. But that’s on my terms.

I will put a stop to it completely for the rest of the holidays and hope that helps. They want to come because we have play equipment outside, but the only reason their garden is bare is because they have broken everything that was on it!

Why can’t you just speak to the parents?

Keep saying no.
Stop answering the door.
We had this with a very persistent child when DD was younger. Parents constantly turfed her out and she would come round knocking for DD but wanting to come in. DD wasn't even friends with her. Felt a bit sorry for her but really didn't want her here all the time. DD asked me to stop answering the door to try and dissuade her from calling!

Talk to their parents. Who have probably got wind and send them out to play and suggest knocking at yours when they get bored. Probably sat chilling with a coffee or shagging whilst you’re getting hassled every 10 mins.