To tell the neighbours kids to FO?

[Pigsinmuck]

I have a 3 and 6 year old. Neighbour further down the road has a 4, 7 and 9 year old.

My children have been out on the street playing on bikes with them a few times (always supervised by me) and a few weeks back they came into our garden to play. I stayed out with them and for a while they played nicely.

Since then the 4 and 7 year old have knocked on our door multiple times a day asking to play in our garden. They often bring the older kids from down the road with them, are boisterous, ask for drinks and snacks and don’t actually play with my children. I suggest my 2 go out to play with them but they don’t want that, they want to play in our garden. If I say sorry my 2 don’t want to play at the minute they say that’s ok, we will still play in your garden!

I feel I can’t have them there unsupervised because they are mean to my kids, and trash the place throwing sand and mud everywhere and kicking footballs at my kids. But I can’t spend hours outside watching them all when I’ve got stuff to do.

I ask them to leave while my kids have dinner and they argue, saying it’s fine for them to stay. I obviously say no it’s not fine and they need to go, but it’s met with eye rolling and tutting! They then return to ring the doorbell every 10 minutes while we are eating!

I can’t let my own kids out on the garden now as they shout over the fence from the street to be allowed over.

It’s driving me insane! They have knocked twice this morning already to be told both times I’m not having them over as a)we are still in pj’s and having a lazy morning (to which they said, that’s ok we can still play in the garden!) and b) we are going out later.

AIBU to tell them to FO the next time they knock! I’ve been polite, I’ve been firm, but they are still disturbing us constantly!

Do your children want to be friends with them? That would affect my response tbh.

If they want to be friends you might have to suck up the constant bell ringing etc, but still just a firm "no, not today" and rinse and repeat.

If they don't want to be friends, you can be firmer e.g. "I've said no and now you're being rude. Go home and leave us alone now." Speak to parents if/when needed obviously (every time)!

I had a kid do this, constantly knocking. He was vile to DS a real bully, in the end I simply said "you need to stop knocking the answer is no." Quite blunt but after being kind and saying no, they kept knocking 4-5 times a day. Was the only way to get rid of them.

Sadly, with kids like these speaking to the parents won't necessarily be helpful 😧.

No but she can have a good go at annoying them just as much as their kids are annoying her 😈

When they suggest it's ok that they can play in your garden just laugh and tell them not to be daft of course they can't. Then tell them if they want to play they'll need to do some jobs for you first. They'll soon find something better to do if you're insisting on lawn work for garden usage.

The second they were mean to your kids you should have told them to leave and never let them back in again. I would never have children round to play who are mean to my children. Ever.

Say no and never let them back in again. If you do you’ll have it all over again.

OP

You don't need to tell them to FO- They're only kids

You are obviously a young mum- I remember the same scenario years ago when mine were small. A family with 8 kids - 4 came round to my house, Jaysus! they were feral.
Kids will push with as much as they can get away with. Their parents aren't watching them!

You need to take control of your own house.

When they come to the door again looking for your little ones- just state

" They don't want to go out at the moment - off you go!"

You don't need to be cross, just be firm.

If they state they are going to stay and play in your garden, just walk out with them, usher them to the gate stating" No, No off you go , go on home now! mine might see you later"

Believe me you'll get the hang of it very quickly.

Don't even think about it! There's no way I would allow kids in my garden- you need to set the boundaries.

Could you speak to their parents? They might think they can get away with their actions because you're just someone's else's mum to them but if you managed to have a word with their parents, make them aware of how uncomfortable it's making you feel then I'm sure (hopefully) they would tell their own kids to stop annoying people and to play in their own garden

I maybe wouldn't confront the kids direct because that could just cause you more problems than it's worth, the kids might end up crying to their parents etc, neighbours might talk etc so I would go to the parents, approach them with a friendly manner just tell them it's a bit much at the moment with the constant bombarding of their kids wanting to play in your garden

They have knocked twice this morning already to be told both times I’m not having them over as a)we are still in pj’s and having a lazy morning (to which they said, that’s ok we can still play in the garden!) and b) we are going out later.

Why are you explaining yourself to kids?

Say a firm NO, tell them not to knock again and shut the door in their faces.

Don't waste your time speaking to the parents, keep your head down on that score, no good will come of it! Telling any child to FO isn't really appropriate, neither is being held to ransom by these small kids because you can't draw and maintain a reasonable boundary.

Try and think of it as though you're showing your kids how we do it, this is how we are clear and calm and firm with people, this is how we say no and mean it when we are uncomfortable with behaviour.

And keep practicing, because your kids will need to deal with these kids when they're teenagers in a few years, get cracking!

No and you need to stop asking as it will always be no. Disconnect the doorbell for the day and they will get bored. If they keep asking say I will talk to your parents and mean it, then go say to the parents you don't want them in the harden.

Stop with the "we're in our PJ's", "having lazy morning" "going out"!
They're kids being cheeky - a very firm NO will suffice. Rinse and repeat with every knock.

We had this until we got a Rottweiler dpuppy. The door got quieter ad quieter as she got bigger and bigger!!
Tell them you all have Covid op.

Try to be firm. If that doesn't work, speak with their parents. It sounds like they're just using you and your kids for you play equipment unfortunately.

Love this 😂😂😂😂😂😂

I’m not sure whether to be flattered at being called a “young mum”…. At approaching 40 I certainly wouldn’t class myself as young!

I do need to work on being more assertive though. I am a bit of a people pleaser and I usually find it results in people taking advantage of my nature.

Don't give excuses for why you're aren't letting them in. "No, not today. Don't ring again." Shut the door. If they ring again, don't answer. As a teacher I soon learnt that kids will argue with anything so don't give them anything to debate! You don't need to offer excuses for why you don't want people in your garden. Same for when you let them in and want them to leave - "home time now. Off you go. Out." Don't say "oh well we need to eat / go to the shops" or whatever - just kick them out. Be firm. And I'd stop with the snacks too. If they are hungry then tell them to go home.

Set some ground rules and tell them that if they don't stick to them then they aren't allowed in your garden any more. Tell them that for an hour at dinner and lunch that they are not to disturb you. Also tell them that they are not allowed to bring other children into your garden. They need boundaries and rules, other wise they will just walk all over you

Personally I would make it clear your garden is now off limits to children other than yours or friends you invite. Your children should be able to feel safe in their own garden, and you should be able to relax without worrying about supervising other people's children.

Organise games on the green outside where it's on your terms and you can take your children in when you/they have had enough.

I would just stop answering the door if they aren't listening to no. They will soon get bored of trying. Once the routine has been broken they won't keep trying to knock.

I would go further than telling them "no" and straight up tell them its rude to ask/demand and refuse you telling them to go.

When parents can't be bothered to teach their children basic manners, its perfectly fine for someone else to when the resulting rudeness negatively effects them.

Children:
It's very rude to invite yourselves round to someone else's else. You may always ask my children out to play, and I may occasionally invite you into the garden but I expect good behaviour and when I tell you it's time to go, you go. It isn't for you to dictate the terms of an invitation, as you get older youll learn that guests who don't behave considerately of their hosts tend not to be invited back.
When my children are called in for dinner, don't repeatedly interrupt. If they're allowed to come out again, they will come and call for you.

*towards their hosts

I'd be seriously annoyed. They're "only children", but they're also disrespectful (eye-rolling and tutting?!), destructive (throwing sand, etc.), and rude (not caring if your children are there or not).

Under no circumstances would I allow them in my garden again. Tell them no, firmly, and if they persist, instruct them to go home or the park. It's a private area for you and your children to enjoy, not public property. If they've already ruined their own gardens, that's even more reason why they can't be in yours (but tbh, I'd not let them back in for their rudeness and disrespectfulness alone).

Most has been said already but you need to be blunt because they clearly don’t have boundaries enforced at home.

”No, you can’t come in to play in the garden again. Please don’t knock and ask again. Is that understood?”.

if they ask why…

”Because I said so. Goodbye”

this can all be said smiling and polite but firm.

Why would you even consider entertaining kids that are mean to your children in their own home?!

Stop being a pushover, say no and close the door, if they return tell them to go away or tell the parents to keep them away.