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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have found this guy's comments irritating

97 replies

Cannotthinkofadecentname · 23/08/2022 22:17

Met a friend of my partner's who I hadn't met before. Apparently he's really into 'psychoanalysis' of people and can 'read people'.
I can be a bit shy and nervous with new people but that's just life, I still make conversation with them.

Anyway it was me, my partner him and another friend in a pub and the guy in question went 'Don't be nervous' around us, I said 'nah I'm ok' and smiled. And he said 'no, I can see your nervous disposition, it's obvious."

Then my partner said "No she's not nervous, she's relaxed."
He said it again about 30 mins later and then told me, "You really need to step out of your comfort zone a bit more."
I was thinking, who are you? You've known me all of 30 minutes what the hell do you know?

He invited us back to his flat, I reluctantly went for a little while. He then said it yet again, "You're in a safe space here, you need to stop being nervous, I can see it in your face."

I said, "Sorry I can't help how my face looks?" Then he said 'stop apologising"
I was getting pissed off at this point I remained polite but inside I was thinking, he needs to fucking let it go now.

I wasn't exactly shaking and sweating and anyway repeatedly saying it only makes me more uncomfortable.

He then offered me a drink and for some reason kept looking at me and making 'aww' noises.
I decided I was going home at that point, I told him politely, and then he made another 'aww' noise.

I honestly couldn't wait to get away from him, he made me so uncomfortable and on the spot. I think some people say that stuff meaning well and hoping it'll make you feel relaxed.
Once is ok, but the guy kept banging on about it and the 'aww' was so patronising. My partner even said afterwards that he'd gone too far.

I can't change my bloody face, I do get shy and I can't help it. Not really sure what to do but next time I'll tell him that he needs to stop. What would you say/do?

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Cannotthinkofadecentname · 23/08/2022 22:19

The more people comment on it, the more awkward it makes you feel! I'd never ask anyone why they talked so much

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FionnulaTheCooler · 23/08/2022 22:20

If I were you there wouldn't be a next time I see him, let your partner spend time with him without you being there. Life is too short to spend time with irritating, condescending know it alls. I would have struggled not to tell him to fuck right off with that "aww" nonsense.

Cannotthinkofadecentname · 23/08/2022 22:22

Yeah absolutely. It's a shame, but luckily his other friends aren't like that (well not to my face)
I wish I hadn't been so polite, he didn't deserve it.
Apparently he always bangs on about psychoanalysis to my partner so what did I expect really lol

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Acheyknees · 23/08/2022 22:22

I'd have turned the tables on him and asked him why he was so inept socially.

gtandme · 23/08/2022 22:22

What a tosser.

Aeio · 23/08/2022 22:23

Infuriating

Cannotthinkofadecentname · 23/08/2022 22:23

I just don't know what people want to achieve by doing this. Socially inept does spring to mind!

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zzzexhaustedzzz · 23/08/2022 22:23

Wow, what a dick. I would have lost it!

Iamthewombat · 23/08/2022 22:24

Oh great. A pub psychoanalyst. Well done for staying polite.

RaininSummer · 23/08/2022 22:24

He sounds awful.

Cannotthinkofadecentname · 23/08/2022 22:24

I thought he'd get the message when I said 'sorry I can't help how my face looks' but then he used it as a tool to tell me off for "apologising" bloody weirdo

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Surtsey · 23/08/2022 22:25

He was negging you and deliberately needling you to make you feel uncomfortable.

That would be the last occasion I ever spent any time with him. Tosser.

Cannotthinkofadecentname · 23/08/2022 22:25

He's actually very softly spoken and almost meek, not even some big bravado sort of man

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Cannotthinkofadecentname · 23/08/2022 22:25

I am disappointed as my partner had spoken highly of him (apart from the droning on about psychology) and he did seem very polite at first, shaking my hand, saying lovely to meet you etc

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Snugglemonkey · 23/08/2022 22:26

He is a dick, avoid him. He is trying to make himself feel superior. Plus, I am a psychotherapist and this is absolutely not what psychoanalysis looks like, it is just him projecting his thoughts onto people. Because he is a dick.

Surtsey · 23/08/2022 22:27

Did your partner stick up for you while this was going on?

Cannotthinkofadecentname · 23/08/2022 22:27

I've had a similar thing before from 1 or 2 others (always men for some reason?)

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Cannotthinkofadecentname · 23/08/2022 22:28

Yes he stuck up for me which was great! I won't be seeing him again in a hurry

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BeautifulWar · 23/08/2022 22:28

What an utter dickhead that man is!

RSitf · 23/08/2022 22:28

Sounds like an ex partner of mine op!

Cannotthinkofadecentname · 23/08/2022 22:29

Telling me I need to ' get out of my comfort zone' lol I've lived in other countries and stuff. You don't even know me you twerp

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FlyingMasticatedParticles · 23/08/2022 22:44

Ew just reading that gave me the ick. What a loser. Who does he think he is? Trying to make himself look clever.

I have a relative that does a similar thing to me - she always makes out as if there's something wrong with me.

"Are you okay?"
"No, really, you can tell me if something's wrong"
Concerned look
"Are you SURE you're okay?"

It really puts me on edge and by the time I get away from her I feel like there is something wrong with me. It's incredibly unpleasant.

PeppaPigIsAnnoying · 23/08/2022 22:53

I'm not going to mince my words..

He sounds like a cunt

SandieCollins · 23/08/2022 22:54

Urgh, he sounds awful and as someone else has said, this isn’t psychoanalysis.

I think if you do happen to meet him again maybe you could pre-empt him? ‘Last time we met you were quite offensive in your continual and inaccurate ‘assessment’ of me. Please don’t do that again’. Don’t forget to do the airquotes.

If that doesn’t work, maybe use the mumsnet classic of ‘did you mean to be so rude?’

Cannotthinkofadecentname · 23/08/2022 22:55

100% yanbu tells me all I need to know!
Yes definitely, I hope I don't see him again but if I have to for whatever reason I'll definitely be more assertive.
I just don't get why he picked on me, I'd never even met him before.

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