To have found this guy's comments irritating

[Cannotthinkofadecentname]

Met a friend of my partner's who I hadn't met before. Apparently he's really into 'psychoanalysis' of people and can 'read people'.
I can be a bit shy and nervous with new people but that's just life, I still make conversation with them.

Anyway it was me, my partner him and another friend in a pub and the guy in question went 'Don't be nervous' around us, I said 'nah I'm ok' and smiled. And he said 'no, I can see your nervous disposition, it's obvious."

Then my partner said "No she's not nervous, she's relaxed."
He said it again about 30 mins later and then told me, "You really need to step out of your comfort zone a bit more."
I was thinking, who are you? You've known me all of 30 minutes what the hell do you know?

He invited us back to his flat, I reluctantly went for a little while. He then said it yet again, "You're in a safe space here, you need to stop being nervous, I can see it in your face."

I said, "Sorry I can't help how my face looks?" Then he said 'stop apologising"
I was getting pissed off at this point I remained polite but inside I was thinking, he needs to fucking let it go now.

I wasn't exactly shaking and sweating and anyway repeatedly saying it only makes me more uncomfortable.

He then offered me a drink and for some reason kept looking at me and making 'aww' noises.
I decided I was going home at that point, I told him politely, and then he made another 'aww' noise.

I honestly couldn't wait to get away from him, he made me so uncomfortable and on the spot. I think some people say that stuff meaning well and hoping it'll make you feel relaxed.
Once is ok, but the guy kept banging on about it and the 'aww' was so patronising. My partner even said afterwards that he'd gone too far.

I can't change my bloody face, I do get shy and I can't help it. Not really sure what to do but next time I'll tell him that he needs to stop. What would you say/do?

This!

Ugh, I sympathise so much here OP. Who does he think he is? Have had similar in the past, and I’ll bet you also get “smile love” from strangers as well, it often goes hand in hand. And as for his armchair psychology, that’s beyond grim. If he thinks he’s so great at it, why doesn’t he go and get the relevant qualifications and training and do it properly for a living with people who want a professional opinion, instead of just making other people squirm with his unwelcome - and wrong - assumptions? yuk.

Absolute dick. Completely lacking in social skills for someone who proclaims himself as great at 'psychoanalysis' and reading people.

If I read someone as feeling shy or nervous, I'd just be warm and friendly, chat to them normally and give them time to warm up to the situation if they're able to.

You certainly wouldn't draw attention to it and make them feel more awkward!

He was goading you to get a reaction. God knows why. You can’t win with people like this.

I would just completely avoid him in future.

What a patronising twunt. I would stay well away from him.

Agree with PP that this does rather sound like some strategy the PUA community has come up with.

I would have said "no, I'm not nervous. I'm bored."

YANBU. Next time he 'psychoanalyses' someone, they should reply "Yes, I'm pretty good at reading people too - my analysis of you is that you're an utter twat".

I'd have a few stock phrases ready for the next time someone comes out with this rubbish.

"You know me very well given we met five minutes ago"
"Please stop making personal remarks, it's rude"

He's a twat.

Actually "you're a twat" would fit most situations.

If this person had any real training in psychology, he certainly wouldn’t have behaved like this. Next time, if there is a next time, why don’t you say ‘I understand you need to show your power over people by making them feel uncomfortable. Why do you think that is? ‘

😂 Yes, this

My mother is like this. I was a single parent for years. If she ever babysat she would crook her head as I left and say " Awwww now TRY to enjoy yourself". Really weird and passive aggressive fucking nonsense. The first few times it really put ne on the back foot. The grey rock method really helped me.

Exactly. This is deliberate. It's a sign of an abusive man and I would keep well away.

My partner and the friend apparently spoke to him about it after I left telling him he'd gone too far and it wasn't acceptable. The guy was apparently apologising and feels bad. But the above still applies! Still feel uneasy, hope he'll never do it again.

But he was not apologising to you was he? he was apologising to the other men. Not because he was ashamed but because he realised he came across as a dick to his male friends.

I'd say don't bother with this one. No need for you to be friends or even to give himn the time of day.

It was all really shit behaviour.

But the really audacious bit for me was a man noticing that a woman who has just met him feeling uncomfortable in his house thinking he can tell her 'its a safe space so she can relax' just really grates on me.

Oh well if a man tells me its okay to be in his house then he must be okay...

I know he's not a potential partner for you. But if this had been a date there would be multiple glaring red flags wouldn't there!

He's probably working on his negging technique and has taken this feedback that he needs to try to be a bit more subtle.

Yuck! This guy sounds utterly creepy!!! I would find him as intrusive as those people who call themselves “Empaths”. Blaaaaah! Or grief vampires. How dare he say “You’re in a safe space, so relax”!!! That’s like a car salesman saying “Trust me…” NO FUCKING WAY!

The guy is a poser and a fraud. Those of us who have done some of this sort of thing know you can’t set up someone in that sort of time - neither would you want to. He’s just trying to show off and make you look small. A sort of power trip. Tell him he’s an idiot and to buzz off. He’ll no doubt tell you you’re ‘resisting’ or some other jargon. I enjoy playing games with these pseuds as I know proper psychoanaysts.

I know someone who tells everyone that she is am empath and really 'gets' people.

It;s usually a shorthand way of saying ; 'I'm a narcassistic twat and if you don't validate my own self delusion it's because you have problems'.

I’d be saying “you need to stop being so rude. If I want your opinion about my personality, I’ll ask you”

gits like that need to be put firmly in their box

“I was feeling perfectly relaxed, till you started targeting me! Maybe you could back off a bit and concentrate on your own behaviour?”

I know someone like this too. My sympathies.

Op yanbu in any way. Don't meet him again x

Is he jealous of you? For taking away his friend or possibly to object of his affections...?

Because you’re a woman I’d guess….. tosser