To have found this guy's comments irritating

[Cannotthinkofadecentname]

Met a friend of my partner's who I hadn't met before. Apparently he's really into 'psychoanalysis' of people and can 'read people'.
I can be a bit shy and nervous with new people but that's just life, I still make conversation with them.

Anyway it was me, my partner him and another friend in a pub and the guy in question went 'Don't be nervous' around us, I said 'nah I'm ok' and smiled. And he said 'no, I can see your nervous disposition, it's obvious."

Then my partner said "No she's not nervous, she's relaxed."
He said it again about 30 mins later and then told me, "You really need to step out of your comfort zone a bit more."
I was thinking, who are you? You've known me all of 30 minutes what the hell do you know?

He invited us back to his flat, I reluctantly went for a little while. He then said it yet again, "You're in a safe space here, you need to stop being nervous, I can see it in your face."

I said, "Sorry I can't help how my face looks?" Then he said 'stop apologising"
I was getting pissed off at this point I remained polite but inside I was thinking, he needs to fucking let it go now.

I wasn't exactly shaking and sweating and anyway repeatedly saying it only makes me more uncomfortable.

He then offered me a drink and for some reason kept looking at me and making 'aww' noises.
I decided I was going home at that point, I told him politely, and then he made another 'aww' noise.

I honestly couldn't wait to get away from him, he made me so uncomfortable and on the spot. I think some people say that stuff meaning well and hoping it'll make you feel relaxed.
Once is ok, but the guy kept banging on about it and the 'aww' was so patronising. My partner even said afterwards that he'd gone too far.

I can't change my bloody face, I do get shy and I can't help it. Not really sure what to do but next time I'll tell him that he needs to stop. What would you say/do?

He picked on you because he did not want to do it to the blokes.
I would tell DP that you’re not spending any time with him again unless YOU receive an apology. I agree with trashy panda above. Men like this need to be pulled up sharp.

I know the type and they are insufferable. I would have gone with the mean girls classic line "why are you so obsessed with me"

Ugh what a wanker. He can’t read people he’s just a rude jerk who enjoys making people uncomfortable while feeling clever.

Refuse to meet him again on the grounds thst he was incredibly rude.

Also please please watch Friends Season 1 episode 13! (The one with the boobies). Phoebe dates a psychiatrist who offends everyone by constantly analysing them. They all hate him. That character was at least perceptive though, the guy you met just sounds like an ass.

OP

"Cannotthinkofadecentname · Today 10:10
My partner and the friend apparently spoke to him about it after I left telling him he'd gone too far and it wasn't acceptable. The guy was apparently apologising and feels bad. But the above still applies! Still feel uneasy, hope he'll never do it again."

You should tell him the next time you see him

"Stop apologising! there's no need to feel bad- that's just your low self esteem! I could sense it the moment I met you!" LOL!

Fucking dickhead! these guys get off on thinking / pretending they are superior to others-. For all his bullshit he had absolutely no self awareness /filter on how to conduct himself, particularly meeting someone for the first time.
He's insufferable!

That was a nasty experience for you! I bet you even questioned yourself afterwards! The shocking thing is - we remain polite because its the first time meeting someone!

You'll be ready for him the next time. Best way to talk to these guys is to treat him like the joke he is!

So he just decided to use his special psychoanalytical powers on you, the only woman in the group, then? To repeatedly make a show of calling you shy and uncomfortable, until - amazingly - you start to actually feel uncomfortable? Blimey, why ever would a dweeby, short, inadequate man do such a thing?

I think you had your definitive answer upthread, OP. He’s a cunt.

The only reason to ever cross this idiot’s path again will be to deploy one or two of the excellent retorts suggested here.

is he a qualified psychologist? If he was he wouldn't have said wouldn't he did.

How does he think he can 'read' people?

What a twat

The man is a complete creep.

He made unwanted, silly comments and did everything to make you feel uncomfortable.

I would have shut him down really quickly...

I am also surprised your partner would find this acceptable and enjoy the company of someone like this.

This. I remember once having something similar with a guy who psychoanalised me. Just tell him to fuck off.

He’s a dickhead. An arrogant one. You could try saying “Can you stop the amateur psychoanalysis. You’re clearly unable to read me. You have no idea what is in my head and it is annoying me that you keep guessing and getting it wrong. It is NOT nerves, it is irritation.”

This man is a bully - calling it 'reading' people is just a way to try and make it sound acceptable and him intelligent.

I would not be seeing him again. Urgh.

Nothing abnormal about being shy when meeting new people. Loads of people take a bit of time to get to know someone before feeling comfortable.

"Firstly, I'm not anxious at all. My discomfort and annoyance is entirely appropriate as it's due to a stranger telling me how I feel and how I should behave, then critiquing my response to them behaving so inappropriately. Secondly, from a psychological standpoint, it's really interesting to note how you're attempting to psychoanalyse me and not either of the men here. Why do you think that might be?"

Prick.

Ah!
He is Lundy Bancroft's "Mr Sensitive".
medium.com/catholicism-for-the-modern-world/under-my-thumb-manipulative-misogyny-and-the-sensitive-victim-13c274cd63ad

I can't change my bloody face, I do get shy and I can't help it. Not really sure what to do but next time I'll tell him that he needs to stop. What would you say/do?
Does there need to be a next time?
The guy's an unremitting pain in the arse.
He informs everyone he's "into psychoanalysis" to fool them into thinking he has superior analytical skills, so that they are prone to accept his analysis snap judgements. It's bullying - a dominance display based on undermining everyone else.

If you have to encounter the twat again, keep it short & snappy & do not allow him to draw you into JADE -
outofthefog.website/what-not-to-do-1/2015/12/3/jade-dont-justify-argue-defend-explain
& stave him off before he gets started:
"I know you like to present yourself as some kind of psychoanalyst, but you are not, I find your personal remarks irritating, so kindly keep your opinions about me to yourself?"

If he pounces on that with a follow up (I reckon he will be like a dog with a bone) - just tell him to fuck off with his rude remarks & go & mither someone else.
He is no better qualified to opine on people's psychology that you are OP. Don't tolerate it for a moment.

Ha! Bonus points & your portrait in the Hall of Fame if you shoot him down like this OP!

Just another bullying arsehole with no boundaries who gets off on putting women down. Not like we don't have enough of them already.

I wouldn't see him again. I'm sure he's used to women avoiding him and it's not your fault your partner has shit taste in friends.

I wouldn't see him again, if I could help it. If you must be around him, I'd stop being so polite! I'd roll my eyes at him, probably, then find someone else to speak with. I'd love to turn the tables on him: "You seem to enjoy playing armchair psychologist. Why do you think that is? ...Hm. Interesting... No, it's just that I've heard that people who overtly analyse others often do so in an attempt at diverting attention from their own psychoses..."

Or just ignore him.

I will try the grey rock method. Luckily I don't see this person very often but it happens every time I do. She's very highly strung and dramatic at times. Even if there WAS something wrong I wouldn't be confiding in her or expecting her to sort it 😬 I think they do it for attention or to make you feel small. Ridiculous behaviour.

Maybe turn it back on him, 'why are you so interested in me', 'what makes you say that, hmmm... In other words, question him!.

I am quiet and when people say I am quiet, I say, at least I am not loud and cheeky, while staring at them. If they laugh, I ask them what they are laughing at, then I ignore them.

Life is too short to put up with this. Another thing is to say, I always respect others, I would NEVER make anyone feel small I would not DO THAT, while staring at them. Then ignore any questions.

He picked on you because he thought he can get away with it. I am glad your dh and others are decent and could see what he was doing. A lot of people are stupid, and would make nothing of it.

Blokes like that do it to everyone, he picked on you because he wanted to impress you and get into your knickers.
But they will 'hold forth' on anyone they perceive is not outgoing.
Probably quite clever at something so that validates his attitudes. He read one book a couple of magazine articles and random internet. With his superior intellect that is enough. No need to study for 5 years!

Should there be a next time, something along the lines of:
"Actually, I find your uninvited comments offensive, inappropriate and inaccurate. Stop. Now."

Then, when he ifs and buts, it's a quick 'Yeah right, fuck off mate' and turn innediately to talk to someone else.

I know this sounds easier said than done, but it does get easier the more you do it, and since menopause - easy peasy.

As pp say - misogynist prick practicing his negging. There are youtube and other tutorials for me on how to make women uncomfortable/lose confidence.

Your partner won't have seen it because as a man he won't have been on the receiving end and most men won't call this out if they do see it.

Its nothing to do with psychoanalysis and everything to do with bullying techniques.

Seriously, turn it back on him…

“You’re really into psychology, eh? What do you make of a bloke who repeatedly targets the only woman in a group with unwanted and inaccurate observations, despite this woman’s own partner asserting that he was “reading her wrong”?

“What do you make of a bloke who keeps targeting the only woman in the room to assert that she is in a “safe space” and to “relax”? Don’t you think she’s going to find that both intrusive and predatory?”