To have found this guy's comments irritating

[Cannotthinkofadecentname]

Met a friend of my partner's who I hadn't met before. Apparently he's really into 'psychoanalysis' of people and can 'read people'.
I can be a bit shy and nervous with new people but that's just life, I still make conversation with them.

Anyway it was me, my partner him and another friend in a pub and the guy in question went 'Don't be nervous' around us, I said 'nah I'm ok' and smiled. And he said 'no, I can see your nervous disposition, it's obvious."

Then my partner said "No she's not nervous, she's relaxed."
He said it again about 30 mins later and then told me, "You really need to step out of your comfort zone a bit more."
I was thinking, who are you? You've known me all of 30 minutes what the hell do you know?

He invited us back to his flat, I reluctantly went for a little while. He then said it yet again, "You're in a safe space here, you need to stop being nervous, I can see it in your face."

I said, "Sorry I can't help how my face looks?" Then he said 'stop apologising"
I was getting pissed off at this point I remained polite but inside I was thinking, he needs to fucking let it go now.

I wasn't exactly shaking and sweating and anyway repeatedly saying it only makes me more uncomfortable.

He then offered me a drink and for some reason kept looking at me and making 'aww' noises.
I decided I was going home at that point, I told him politely, and then he made another 'aww' noise.

I honestly couldn't wait to get away from him, he made me so uncomfortable and on the spot. I think some people say that stuff meaning well and hoping it'll make you feel relaxed.
Once is ok, but the guy kept banging on about it and the 'aww' was so patronising. My partner even said afterwards that he'd gone too far.

I can't change my bloody face, I do get shy and I can't help it. Not really sure what to do but next time I'll tell him that he needs to stop. What would you say/do?

Sounds like he was bang on about your disposition though... you even say it yourself

However after saying that he should have let it go. And the aww noises are beyond weird.

But the problem isnt him now really?
The problem is you goddamn partner letting his new friend patronise you. He doesnt have your back. That's what worries me

He's a wannabe PUA - hitting you with negs.

My partner did support me. He also offered to speak to him once I had left but I said to not bother.
Just don't get why he decided to neg me, maybe I reminded him of someone he dislikes or something

He negged you because he could. He knows women are socially conditioned not to "make a scene" and made himself feel big by picking on you, smug in the knowledge nobody would do anything, and if they did he would be all "whoa, what did little old me do? I was only trying to help put her at ease" blah blah...
He's a twat, deliberately!
If your partner wants to socialise with him in future just say no thanks, life's too short to waste on pompous tossers.

He's just a really nasty piece of work
In terms of why he picked on you, do you have a baby face? I do and coupled with being short, I am convinced men target that for negging.

I had a particularly weird incident on holiday when a tour guide was looking for a "bantz" victim. He said something quite rude to me, some "joke" about washing dishes, and my friend piped up super quick "why are you being such a dick?" He got all flustered and said "oh I thought she looked like the sort of woman who would be okay with that kind of joke".

The fact he said "aww" also made me wonder if you have a baby face.

Thats how abusers start on new partners. Trying to be "helpful" and encouraging. I wouldn't meet him again.

So what if he was bang on about her disposition? There's bugger all point being able to read people if you don't know how to use the information. When someone looks nervous, the way to deal with that tactfully isn't normally to flatly tell that person in front of an audience how obvious their nervousness is. He should've let it go before saying anything at all.

That tour rep sounds awful!
Yes I do have a baby face! I'm fairly tall though, he's actually short for a man, very meek and no other way I can say this but the type of guy who'd be called geeky or nerdy looking.

Anyone who starts a sentence with ’You really need to…’ can bugger off.

It sounds like HE was nervous and attempting to cover than by gunning for you. Strange guy!

He sounds fuxking dreadful OP. People like this normally put on an arrogant facade but deep down they’re really insecure and enjoy making people feel low. They know what they’re doing. It’s a manipulation tactic.

I’m incredibly introverted and can be quiet. But I’m not shy by all means. I’ll chat to anyone if they strike up a conversation. So on the outside I may appear really shy and maybe cold, I’m not I’m just introverted and don’t really enjoy many social gatherings. Pisses me off when people try to tell me I’m shy or to relax. So I can understand completely how he’s made you feel.

Ugh what a plonker

The fact he's 'short and nerdy looking' might be your answer - maybe he finds some women intimidating and uses this negging to feel superior

Forget about it and enjoy the rest of your night x

Wonder if he's mad as he's single and didn't like seeing a couple together so decided to take it out on me? Or bring me down a peg or two?
Anyway it's his problem definitely, I will be pulling him up on it if I have the misfortune of seeing him again

What a pretentious, patronising prick!

This is what you should have said to him, it's perfect.

😂twerp haven't heard that for many years. 😂

Prick. I would have asked him why he was so obsessed with me

Wow he sounds horrendous. I bet loads of people he knows can't stand him.

The first reply had it correct: there shouldn’t be a next time. The guy behaved like a twat so don’t see him anymore. Tell your dp to go alone if he wants to see this guy. And if he asks, where is OP? Your dp can reply oh she didn’t want to come because she found your behaviour unacceptably rude.

I would have said Lad..fuck off

Seriously. The guy was a dick. If I saw him again I'd say his problem is he is spending too much time analysing everyone and you frankly don't care what he thinks of you. As first impressions go you found him rude and quite patronising which again frankly is something the world can do without and I wonder if he's trying to overcompensate using this "skill" because he has a small Penis.

Also, Size doesn't matter its what you do with it but I'm of the age I'll say what I want and I won't let people talk to me like crap and you shouldn't either.

What a creepy weirdo

Ugh what a prick.

And if your partner says he hasn't seen this side of him, but it was so obvious when he spoke to you, I would wager that this guy's behaviour is largely down to misogyny.

Putting women in what he perceives to be 'their place', thinking he knows them better than they know themselves, thinking them saying 'no that's not right' actually means 'I'm not clever enough to understand what you're saying'.

Glad your partner had your back and also that you were able to push back too.

Don't see the condescending cunt again!

He enjoyed having the power over you. I wouldn’t see him again

He was trying to get power over her.

Absolute wanker.

On a positive, at least you saw him clearly for what he is. Best avoided

He was deliberately trying to make you uncomfortable - he saw an easy target and he went for it.

He sounds absolutely insufferable and after the 2nd comment I would have asked if if he was ok as he seemed to be acting really strange. Then I would have made my excuses and left.

I HATE people like that. I’m quiet until you get to know me and I remember this kind of shit from when I was younger. Always “men” wanting to tell me to “come out of my shell” - it’s annoying me just thinking about it.

You should not be polite to someone so rude to you! Next time you meet someone like him tell him his comments aren't welcome and he needs to work on his social skills.