People that over apologise

104 replies

gettingolderandgrumpier · 22/08/2022 22:33

yes I know it’s the British way to apologise but some people apologise for everything even something that’s not for them to apologise for .
I’ve a colleague I’ll call her Sarah who must apologise 100 times a day . Conversation can go like this
Me -Sarah did you reply to that email ?
sarah - oh sorry I think I did , if I didn’t I’m sorry maybe I didn’t I probably didn’t I’m sorry !
or
another colleague- this is wrong on the system !
sarah - oh sorry is that me ?
colleague- no Sarah it’s not something you do why are you apologising ?.
Sarah- I don’t know sorry .it’s something I’d do get it wrong .
loads of other boring examples but any question I think she feels she has to apologise for when it’s simply a question and she puts herself down .
it’s constant some days , I believe it’s a sign of low self confidence and I’ve said many times no need to apologise and stop blaming yourself for something when it’s nothing to do with you .
if it’s low confidence can you help her be more confident or boost self confidence or is it really just a personality thing ? . She really is a lovely lady and I wish I could help her but I feel I’m making her nervous too if I bring it up .
it’s a dog eat dog world out there why apologise and accept responsibility for something that you haven’t done ? .

OP posts:

Original poster

gettingolderandgrumpier · 23/08/2022 19:47

I8toys · 23/08/2022 09:37

See I have a problem with people who don't apologise. Couple at work whose self confidence or delusion, I've not decided yet, comes across as embarrassingly conceited or just plain arrogant.. Lack of self awareness is an equal problem. I have no issue with someone who apologises.

Yes equally annoying ironically I did get annoyed today because someone didn’t apologise to me ha ha .
I have a relative who never apologises which in turn is much worse as it can be hurtful more that annoying .

OP posts:

TiredzzZZ · 24/08/2022 18:26

saltinesandcoffeecups · 23/08/2022 01:56

Oooo…. I’ve coached over apologizers at work. And yes the first thing you get is an apology. Here’s how I do it.

“I’ve noticed something that I want to mention, you tend to apologize a lot and for things that aren’t your fault. (This is where I wait to for the inevitable apology). Look, we all screw up. We make mistakes, and we need to apologize for that. But when you apologize for things that aren’t your fault or for things that don’t need an apology. You are hurting your credibility. People will start to believe those things out of your control are actually your doing. It may seem like you are empathizing with a situation but you are actually claiming ownership of what has gone wrong. There are other ways to empathize when bad things happen. I’m telling you this because you are competent, bright, and doing a good job. “

Then generally make a small joke about giving them a “sorry jar” along the lines of a swear jar.

It’s generally young women who have this tic. And it does take reminding to get them out of the habit.

This is so patronising

djdkdkddkek · 25/08/2022 13:49

Yeah I read it and cringed too.

xfgdhfgnhkk007 · 25/08/2022 13:54

This is so me. Grew up criticised for every single thing so I apologise just for breathing. I'm also a hyper people-pleaser. Now I'm older I'm not as bad but low self-esteem is a terrible thing and hard to break.

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