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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husbands inheritance

335 replies

lisaloves · 22/08/2022 22:17

DH has inherited 15k from an Aunt who sadly passed.

We are very happily married with 2 DCs. Comfortable financially but certainly not loaded. Huge mortgage and things we need to do to the house etc.

DH wants to put the entire amount in to Bitcoin. He's reluctantly agreed to just put half in to Bitcoin and the other half in to our joint ISA.

AIBU to think this is selfish?

For reference I am the bread winner by a country mile and we share all of our income. I never question this so it now feels unfair that his money is 'his' money - when for a long time I've earned much more and it's all been shared money.

I don't know much about Bitcoin but from what I've read it's very risky business.

OP posts:
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5
CanadianJohn · 23/08/2022 04:38

We had a similar situation a couple of years ago. My wife inherited $10,000. I was always the major income earner, and now we are retired my pension is three times as big as my wife's. Not that it matters, we have always pooled all our money.

I wanted my wife to use the $10,000 for herself, to save or spend as she pleased. Unfortunately, she wouldn't, and now it is "just" part of our joint investment accounts.

W0tnow · 23/08/2022 04:51

You have a jointly owned house with a massive mortgage which only you (presumably) are responsible for paying off. Or mostly responsible for, anyway. He has an opportunity to shoulder some of that responsibility and he doesn’t want to. How nice for him.

onelittlefrog · 23/08/2022 05:22

I think in your position I would be questioning his judgement.

Bitcoin is basically gambling. He could take his money to a casino and have the same chance of a high return. It's volatile and unpredictable.

Has he bothered to research other things he could invest the money in and still come to the conclusion that he wants to buy Bitcoin?

Or is he jumping on a bandwagon because he knows someone who tripled their money on it?

(I'm assuming the latter, because most people who do the former would not 'invest' in Bitcoin).

If I were you, I think I would inform myself about cryptocurrency and Bitcoin so that I could challenge him about it from a knowledgeable position.

If he still chooses to do it then I suppose it depends how you see inheritance money in your marriage - is it joint money or his money? If it's seen as his money, then you have to accept it really. If it's joint money then it's not OK if you don't agree.

onelittlefrog · 23/08/2022 05:25

I don't know much about Bitcoin but from what I've read it's very risky business

And I bet he is using your lack of knowledge as justification to himself. 'She doesn't know what she's talking about'.

The most powerful thing you can do here is to gain some knowledge about Bitcoin, so that you can challenge him. It's a stupid thing to put money into if you're not totally financially stable.

Discovereads · 23/08/2022 06:22

Gymnopedie · 23/08/2022 02:01

Not if the family has a huge mortgage, the OH is the breadwinner by a lot, and she proposes to invest it in cryptocurrency.

Show quote history

No, it is a different thread altogether. The same principle I have is applied- that inherited money isn’t joint money. In several cases the SAHM OP has wanted to spend it on a big holiday, renovating her DCs rooms, or buying an expensive car. All of which are definitely blowing money compared to bitcoin which might be blowing money or it might make money. You can say it’s a different answer because of what he wants to spend his paltry £15k inheritance on, but that’s just an excuse for double standards.

LuftBalloons · 23/08/2022 06:25

I’d be very wary of anyone who thinks that Bitcoin is a sound investment. Better to sink it into paying off some of the capital amount on the mortgage.

Blobblobblob · 23/08/2022 06:32

If he wants to do crypto, please at least ensure he has a hardware wallet e.g. Ledger for security and knows how to keep it safe!

Porcupineintherough · 23/08/2022 06:45

Whose name is on your "joint" isa OP?

firstmummy2019 · 23/08/2022 06:57

Having made around 70k profit from bitcoin, you need to discuss what the end game is. A good guide would be if the amount doubles, you take out the original deposit. Meaning you don't lose out on any money and only playing with profit. A lot of people on here have no firsthand experience of crypto currency.

Adversity · 23/08/2022 07:02

We do have separate finances and part of the never mixing was due to investing. Overall investing has been successful for us and allowed us to pay our mortgage off at 35.

We never touched bitcoin.

IrisVersicolor · 23/08/2022 07:08

Ridiculous.

Quackpot · 23/08/2022 07:11

Selfish and an idiot. May as well flush it down the toilet.

Bordesleyhills · 23/08/2022 07:17

Mortgage -15 k less = less interest - you can borrow it again if you over pay

knitnerd90 · 23/08/2022 07:19

It's his money, but Bitcoin is a speculative investment at best and a complete con at worst. If you know the technical details behind Bitcoin it's pretty clear it can never be successful. Ask him if he'd like to take the money to Vegas and gamble it. It's about as successful.

IrisVersicolor · 23/08/2022 07:20

firstmummy2019 · 23/08/2022 06:57

Having made around 70k profit from bitcoin, you need to discuss what the end game is. A good guide would be if the amount doubles, you take out the original deposit. Meaning you don't lose out on any money and only playing with profit. A lot of people on here have no firsthand experience of crypto currency.

A good friend of mine made a fortune on crypto and now does not need to work. But he knew what he was doing, unlike this guy.

Mers30 · 23/08/2022 07:23

My sister is married to a lovely man. He has 2 daughters from previous marriage but has no contact with them for years (their choice) I moved into his home with my 10 year old son and lived there happily for 3 years. We decided to move home as it held too many bad memories and I felt I was living in her shadow. I was previously married and had to sell my home as I was left with nothing when my ex chose a woman 20 yrs younger! We found a home and applied for a mortgage. It got refused so my husband applied in his sole name. It was accepted and we bought the house and moved in. Roll forward 3 years......the mortgage now paid off but I am not on the deeds. There is no will arranged. I am absolutely worried sick that if anything happens to my husband I am without a home and his daughters could claim it. I have absolutely no problem with them inheriting financial side but surely they wouldn't make me sell my home? Please help!

Mers30 · 23/08/2022 07:28

Sorry....was on a roll then lol my sister has just hijacked my phone to continue with the thread! It went from "her to I " ..... bless . I was only trying to ask advice ;)

kateandme · 23/08/2022 07:29

Keep the next 15k of your income.sorted.
Beside that Bitcoin is quickly tanking becoming verrrry risky.more than ever before.the economic crisis is hitting them and trades like this too.
Don't take risks with money at the minute.
And anythi g that was once a risk is now tenfold.

dottiedodah · 23/08/2022 07:30

I think sometimes a little money can be a dangerous thing! You are very happily married, sharing your larger income cheerfully and bang along comes some cash out of nowhere. Money can sometimes cause problems! As you say the 7k he has put to bitcoin his loss .as you were and use the other 7k wisely otherwise could become an issue

RoseMartha · 23/08/2022 07:33

@Mers30
I think you will get more response for your post if you request to admin it is split or start a new topic yourself.

He needs to have a Will which states his partner/wife can live there throughout her lifetime if she wishes. When she has died or no longer wants to live there it is sold and his daughters inherit the proceeds.

tempester28 · 23/08/2022 07:36

Aside from not sharing the money with the family finances - doesn't he read the news? Bitcoin is not a good investment!

girlmom21 · 23/08/2022 07:37

I don't think it's relevant who the 'breadwinner' is and I think using it in your argument is a dick move.

I think inheritance should be treated differently to normal money. If his aunt wanted it to be left to the family she'd have done that.

Jumpking · 23/08/2022 07:40

I'm going the other way here.

He's finally got a bit of unexpected money for himself. He doesn't feel the underdog because he's clearly not earning as much. He doesn't feel he's taking it out of the joint family pot. His wages have been making the full contribution he can make to the household and will continue to do so.

Let him enjoy the spree.

Fwiw, this scenario happened in my life but a higher inheritance. The money was spent mostly on camera tat he wanted. His mum was not at all impressed when she found out her son had spent it on himself rather than investing in his home, life and children. As far as I was concerned, his inheritance, his choice.

Brefugee · 23/08/2022 07:41

stop sharing your income and ensure that from now on you save in a separate account from your own funds.

The FT recently had an article about a divorced couple - the chap took all their crypto currency assets, and the woman got more in terms of actual cash, pensions, property etc. He has now applied to court (and been rejected) because his crypto currency assets have tanked and he wants to get some of the other assets because "it's not fair".

MayThe4th · 23/08/2022 07:48

A lot of double standards on this thread.

There are often threads on here by women who are SAHP who have had an inheritance, and whose dh’s feel that is family money. And almost always they are told that although some might choose to put it into the family pot, it is their inheritance to do with as they please.

The desire to invest in bitcoin is an entirely separate discussion, but inheritance is not family money and isn’t a marital asset.

As to PP saying that most marriages are just friends with benefits, how incredibly offensive. While some people do get married for their own protection, especially if they have DC, most people do actually marry for love and not just for money. In fact I think society does still have a pretty strong view on people who only marry for money.