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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husbands inheritance

335 replies

lisaloves · 22/08/2022 22:17

DH has inherited 15k from an Aunt who sadly passed.

We are very happily married with 2 DCs. Comfortable financially but certainly not loaded. Huge mortgage and things we need to do to the house etc.

DH wants to put the entire amount in to Bitcoin. He's reluctantly agreed to just put half in to Bitcoin and the other half in to our joint ISA.

AIBU to think this is selfish?

For reference I am the bread winner by a country mile and we share all of our income. I never question this so it now feels unfair that his money is 'his' money - when for a long time I've earned much more and it's all been shared money.

I don't know much about Bitcoin but from what I've read it's very risky business.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
AlpineSue · 22/08/2022 23:42

parietal · 22/08/2022 23:25

Bitcoin has fallen 50% in the last year. A lot of other crypto currencies have done a lot worse.

is your DH prepared to lose that much money? Because it is a great big ponzi scheme and has no long term prospects.

An ETF that tracks the stock market is a much better option - look at Vanguard.

This is spot on. Crypto has had huge falls this year. Bitcoin is risky and volatile. There are many better investments out there.

Cantstandbullshit · 23/08/2022 00:11

Discovereads · 22/08/2022 22:55

I think YABU because inheritance isn’t earned.

I think inheritance belongs 100% to whoever inherited it and their wife/husband has no say over it, nor should they accuse them of “being selfish” if they don’t want to spend it the way the husband/wife thinks they should.

It doesn’t matter that you’re the breadwinner and have contributed more, you earn more so of course your contribution is higher. He’s not in debt bondage to you because he earns less than you.

That said, I think Bitcoin is risky, but it is at a low currently and many are hoping for a repeat of the 2018 to 2021 rise. But as you say, you can afford for him to lose all the cash if it goes the other way. So, I’d just let him as it’s his inheritance and £15k isn’t very much anyway. It’s not a life changing sum that would make or break your pensioner years. If he’d bought a motorcycle, he’d spend just as much..so I say keep your beak out.

Totally disagree with that, when you’re married you’re one and should we working together and making decisions together. Majority of the marriages today are just friends with benefits if we are honest, saying it’s my money is ridiculous.

Imagine a family struggling with bills and debt and one spouse gets an inheritance you’re saying it’s fine he spends it on whatever he wants and ignores his families needs because it’s his money? Ridiculous

SameTimeNextWeek · 23/08/2022 00:14

God no. Definitely no to crypto. Start keeping some of your wages to one side.

Discovereads · 23/08/2022 00:25

Cantstandbullshit · 23/08/2022 00:11

Totally disagree with that, when you’re married you’re one and should we working together and making decisions together. Majority of the marriages today are just friends with benefits if we are honest, saying it’s my money is ridiculous.

Imagine a family struggling with bills and debt and one spouse gets an inheritance you’re saying it’s fine he spends it on whatever he wants and ignores his families needs because it’s his money? Ridiculous

Show quote history

We made the decision as one to be consistent with the law on what is a matrimonial asset and what is not. Inheritance is not. I hardly see how deciding to mirror the law can be “ridiculous”?

Itstrueiagree · 23/08/2022 00:27

I'd just be passed of that hes regarding it as his money and not shared esp as you're the high earner and sharing at that. Would make me totally rethink my finances and wouldn't bother to consult him on anything you wanted to buy in the future.

As for Bitcoin, he might as well go and empty a bag of money down the drain as that's where it'll be going anyway.

LightDrizzle · 23/08/2022 00:31

Bitcoin! 🙄
Tell him to invest it in tulip bulbs. That’s where the smart money is.

KatySp · 23/08/2022 00:31

Is inheritance not a matrimonial asset? That's news to me

Cailleachian · 23/08/2022 00:47

He should definately buy at least £10 of bitcoin to learn how it works.
(and you should too). You can learn how bitcoin works with very small amounts of money. But you shouldnt put large sums in until you understand it.

Some advice if he does decide to buy bitcoin.

  1. Its better to put it in gradually (say 6 x £2.5k over 6 months) than all at once, because bitcoin is very volatile
  2. Don't keep it on an exchange. Once he buys it, he should move it to a wallet that he controls the private key (or seed phase) to
  3. With £15k, a hardware wallet is a very good idea (google trezor or ledger)
  4. Back up the seedphrase on paper and make sure that you know how to access it, in case there is an emergency.
If he wants to try trading, set aside a very small amount to play with on the exchanges, and when its gone its gone. If it shoots up to a squillion, he;s not a trading genius just lucky. "Trading" is really a form of gambling unless you really know what you are doing and have a sophisticated and well thought out strategy and thesis. If you see signs that he's losing money and putting more into the exchanges, you need to have a serious talk with him.
lisavanderpumpscloset · 23/08/2022 01:22

lisaloves · 22/08/2022 22:17

DH has inherited 15k from an Aunt who sadly passed.

We are very happily married with 2 DCs. Comfortable financially but certainly not loaded. Huge mortgage and things we need to do to the house etc.

DH wants to put the entire amount in to Bitcoin. He's reluctantly agreed to just put half in to Bitcoin and the other half in to our joint ISA.

AIBU to think this is selfish?

For reference I am the bread winner by a country mile and we share all of our income. I never question this so it now feels unfair that his money is 'his' money - when for a long time I've earned much more and it's all been shared money.

I don't know much about Bitcoin but from what I've read it's very risky business.

Have you questioned him on his thinking re 'his money'?

I would suggest to him you'll be keeping half of your wage back each month for yourself, since you now realise you don't have to share it all with him.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 23/08/2022 01:32

Bitcoin?

I'd be pissed off as well. I'd normally say it's his inheritance so up to him, but it sounds like you pool all finances as a family so I'd be pissed off too.

What a waste.

LemonSwan · 23/08/2022 01:55

Tbh bitcoins a good price right now.

Silly to put it all in one go. Next peak won’t be until after the next halving so he should DCA into it over the next 6 months to a year and then sit tight.

Wouldn’t put it all in Bitcoin either. Would diversify a bit into other big name coins like Ethereum and ADA. And maybe Chuck a hundred quid on 5-10 wildcard small coins (not unheard of ones - but those big enough to get on a non crypto exchange like etoro).

Gymnopedie · 23/08/2022 02:01

FloydPepper · 22/08/2022 23:34

It’s a very different thread where it’s the woman doing the inheriting…

Not if the family has a huge mortgage, the OH is the breadwinner by a lot, and she proposes to invest it in cryptocurrency.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 23/08/2022 02:04

There was a massive article in the most recent Sunday Times about cryptocurrencies going up in flames. Seriously, I wouldn’t touch them with a bargepole.

HerArtMaterials · 23/08/2022 02:26

this question on MN is like pissing petrol onto a fire.

IfSheOnlyKnewThen · 23/08/2022 02:36

So, how much does he know about investing in Bitcoin then?
How long has he been studying it & how many people does he know who have done consistently well?
How much has he already invested?
Does he even know how to get the money back out again once he has paid it in?

If he's a total newbie, going off some random articles he's seen on the internet, then he's probably better off buying several thousand pounds worth of rice & baked beans than guessing his way into some Bitcoin.

At least you can still eat the rice & beans years past their best before date so you'd get some benefit from it.

HappyAxolotl · 23/08/2022 02:41

Would he not be best off taking on an investment package where most of it it is in low risk low income and a certain amont of it in the high risk sector (after a fair bit of reading up on what is likely to go up and what is likely to tank) ?

JustKittenAround · 23/08/2022 02:41

lisavanderpumpscloset · 23/08/2022 01:22

Have you questioned him on his thinking re 'his money'?

I would suggest to him you'll be keeping half of your wage back each month for yourself, since you now realise you don't have to share it all with him.

Show quote history

Yeah… @lisavanderpumpscloset Has a great point.

You need to start having your “own” money as well. He’s grown to really take your work and funds for granted. While I come from a different altogether school of thought on these matter, reading here I see couples will take care of bills proportionally, and while the higher earner pays more they also can put away their own bit of money.

You need to hold back money for yourself. Depending on laws it could still very well be marital money but it send a message and you won’t be feeling how you feel now.

Also he thinks he’s going to strike it big with HIS money….. wonder if he did (he won’t) would that profit be HIS as well?

nawwwww

You need to show him he can mess about, but he will find out. He sounds selfish and thank goodness you are not at his mercy. Thank goodness…

Dooderino · 23/08/2022 02:45

Surely he will see sense once he's done some research. Its effectively high risk gambling. Never ends well overall.

Either that or a return flight to Vegas and put it all on red. May stand a better chance of getting a return that way.

JustKittenAround · 23/08/2022 02:53

Dooderino · 23/08/2022 02:45

Surely he will see sense once he's done some research. Its effectively high risk gambling. Never ends well overall.

Either that or a return flight to Vegas and put it all on red. May stand a better chance of getting a return that way.

So true.

I actually feel secondhand embarrassment for him. I wonder his age… because this trend was an early adopters boon. He is late in the game and I assume he didn’t even mine.

Hell, he could be talking about GameStop shares and having value “go to the moon” and I’d take him more seriously…

He needs to throw his money in the pile given his wife does this. Or at least take his wife for a wonderful vacation to vegas where after all the costs, lavish dinners, and shows he makes a big bet.

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 23/08/2022 02:56

He is making some dubious choices

However it is his inheritance not yours.

I received a large inheritance earlier this year and DH played no part in how it was spent. He was incredibly respectful.

Cailleachian · 23/08/2022 03:08

I feel quite depressed reading these responses.

Bitcoin isnt designed to make you rich. The people who think thats what its for are the ones who lose all their money. Bitcoin is a trustless currency, that is open decentralised, public, censorship resistant and neutral. Bitcoin can be directly spent it doesnt need turned back into pounds.

Everyone should buy a small amount of bitcoin and learn how to use it and secure it.


Apologies for hijacking your thread @lisaloves Bitcoin is new and unfamiliar. Its not something that people should rush headlong into, but its worth learning about - but you can learn bitcoin on a fiver. And no way should he be putting any money to it unless he understands it.

honeylulu · 23/08/2022 03:16

Well you'll know your next bonus can be considered "your money" then.

larkstar · 23/08/2022 03:25

He's about 4 years too late - the stories (effectively adverts) circulating though the internet relate to investors from about 2010 to late 2017 who made huge profits. Investment is for experts - and gamblers. It's fair enough to spread your money across a range of investment options but I wouldn't put any more into bitcoin than I could on a horse in the grand national (which I won't bet on for other reasons). Look at some robo-advisor apps if he wants to do something riskier.

JustKittenAround · 23/08/2022 03:28

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 23/08/2022 02:56

He is making some dubious choices

However it is his inheritance not yours.

I received a large inheritance earlier this year and DH played no part in how it was spent. He was incredibly respectful.

You are right…however…. Did you set out to spend your money on gambling with bills to be paid? I am willing to bet you are responsible with money and while it is your own, you are looking to grow it or use it in a way that isn’t gambling.

I fully believe inheritance belongs to the individual. It is telling how they choose to spend it, and if they don’t take the whole good into consideration I’d be very worried.

$15k is a good chunk but not life changing. He’d do well to listen to his own helpful partner who doesn’t seem to have designs on his money. Just doesn’t want it thrown away…

Honestly if my partner showed such appalling investment knowledge…. I would hold funds back for the safety of my children.

He is going to gamble with his inheritance, and OP is subsidizing his lifestyle so that he feels plenty safe doing so. It’s abusive, and women are socialized to share and try to be equals. Men? …. Well…….

Testina · 23/08/2022 03:30

More fool you if you continue to pool all money from hereon in.
There isn’t one correct way to manage finances in a marriage - what matters is that both are agreed and consistent.
In my marriage, that would definitely be his money and though I’d hard eye roll at his plans, and advise him otherwise, it would be his choice. But, we don’t share money otherwise - happily so.
Say your piece, then change your finances. Pay more than your 50% share (e.g.bills) by all means, but when it comes to savings: your name only.
And yes, that doesn’t matter in a divorce. But whilst you’re married it does - you can spend your money on what you want.