GP says I have no entitlement to have anything 'extra'

[lockedonyou]

I've had so much going on it's just been so hard, I know it's no excuse.

I went to my Gp today to discuss a dietician referral. I have Asperger's (unknown to anyone apart from my mum), and I'm not great with making food, I struggle - plus I am a picky eater.

Anyway, I was hoping to see a dietician for advice and maybe ways I hadn't thought of for healthier eating

In 7 months, I've gone from a Size 10 to a Size 16. I look so big. I looked in the mirror last week, and saw I have no waist anymore I felt fine really until that moment. I knew I put on quite a bit but didn't think it was that bad

GP listened to me and then said 'you know Polly, you aren't entitled to extras. I know that's hard to hear. It must be very difficult caring full time on no sleep. And I suppose that makes you feel like you deserve something else'

He told me to come back in 6 weeks if his suggestions of simple meal prep etc don't work. I didn't know what to say, I felt so sad

I lost my baby son recently, coupled with caring for my disabled DC 24/7 and providing all the care. It's so tough. I know it's no excuse but was it really necessary to phrase it like this?

I have an NHS dietitian and will have for life (I have a J Tube) but know from mine that their funding has been slashed and unless your weight is life threatening I don't think you'll get a referral.

Sorry I meant to start by saying I'm sorry for your loss and it sounds like you're having a really rough time. I didnt mean to launch in.

I've reread it a couple of times, and I don't think what he said too bad.

*I don't think what he said was too bad

What s horrible rude ignorant post. I’ve reported and hope it’s gets deleted.

OP - I definitely understand where you’re coming from. I hope you can get the help you need, I’d probably start by seeing a different GP if possible.
💐

Very sorry for your loss, OP, but you are blaming the wrong person.

There aren't enough dieticians to see people with severe malnutrition. If you think they can everyone see who's unhappy with being a size 16, neurotypical or not, you're on a different planet. Every non-essential referral means a longer wait for people in desperate need.

Don't blame the GP, blame the people who voted for a decade of real-terms cuts to the NHS.

Can you do a little bit of research and try to predict / imagine what a dietician will tell you?
That may be impossible for you, but at the end of the day even if you could get to see a dietician they are not going to wave a magic wand - you will need to lose the weight yourself. So why wait for a referral that you may not get?

So much advice is confusing. This is what I would suggest:

Forget recipes - keep it simple. Eat what you know.

Prioritise sleeping ahead of cooking, because if you are over-tired you will crave sweet snacks for an energy hit.

Forget fruit, focus on veg. (It is a mistake to lump "fruit and veg" together as if they were the same thing- they really aren't!).
If you can afford it and are short of time, buy ready-prepared veg and either boil it or bung it in the microwave with lid/cover.
If you have no time to cook, can you eat raw veg such as carrot batons?
Eat more salad, again get ready-prepared if you can afford it.

Protein fills you up: eat less carbs (bread, pizza-base, pasta, rice, potatoes) and more protein. Add extra grated cheese to pizza and leave the crust.
Any nuts that you might be able to eat would likely be too expensive, so for snacks eat slices of cheese, boiled eggs, and slices of cold meats.

The proteins are: meat, fish, eggs, milk, cheese, nuts, lentils, peas and beans. So eat baked beans, eggs, cheese, frozen peas, tuna or other tinned fish, frozen fish.

Don't worry about fats (fats help you feel fuller, and we evolved to eat fats), but avoid sugary and sweet things at all costs (we did not evolve to eat sugar).

I hope this helps.

I am a dietitian. I haven’t RTWT so I hope I’m not repeating stuff. There should be a dietetic outpatient clinic at your local hospital. You could try Googling the hospital and see if it’s listed in the services they offer/ departments . Where I am in London you’d probably be classed as lower priority and the waiting list would be 6 weeks. Good luck.

I would agree with most of Beancounter’s post, but bear in mind cheese is fattening ( cheddar is 33% fat). Some carbohydrate is OK as part of a healthy diet. It also makes sense to avoid high lots of high fat foods , control the amount you use in frying, salad dressing etc. All fats have 9 kcal/ g whether it’s olive oil or butter ( just saying that because a lot of people mistakenly believe olive oil isn’t fattening).

I am so sorry for the very difficult time you’ve been having. And I am sorry your GO left you feeling worse.

It is extremely sad that you lost your baby recently. You must feel devastated, and then on top of that you have been caring for your DC with almost no sleep.

Please do not be offended but I think you may be going about things the wrong way in looking to new meal plans as the answer. Even if they could well help, enormous stress such as you have experienced through grief and tiredness, plus no sleep can make you put on a lot of weight driven by high levels of stress hormones. They make you put on weight even without food, but also drive hunger and sugar cravings.

Perhaps if you had bereavement counselling, that might help, if anyone could take over a little with your DC. Why not go to another GO and ask for that? Maybe you could find someone on line for this.

Then secondly, is there anyway you could try to get a bit more sleep? Can anyone help with breaks for you?

Being ignorant about Asperger’s and food, I am not sure what might help. Maybe someone will come on here to advise you about that.

Normally it is good to try to have lots of vegetables and some protein at 3 meals and have some scheduled snacks with some nuts and an apple for example. But saying this may not help.

I think most, if not all, people who overeat due to stress / emotional issues KNOW they aren’t entitled to eat more food.

Those who are saying the GP is right - we know he is right from a physical point of view. But that isn’t a helpful statement and doesn’t take into consideration WHY the OP has found herself in this position.

Did he expect the OP to say, ok thanks you’ve solved all of my problems, leave and suddenly eat a healthy and balanced diet?

Maybe an appropriate response would have been one that is holistic and takes into consideration what is contributing to the over eating? A discussion about the OP’s loss, emotional and mental health, difficulties with meal planning etc. Maybe taking into consideration her Asperger’s diagnosis and how she processes information and responds to stress and crisis? When did we become so black and white and lack empathy?!

Im so sorry OP 😔 And I’m so sorry for your loss.

Would calorie counting be an option for you? Do you think you could follow that easily? Apps like MFP do a lot of the hard work for us as we can scan products in and keep track throughout the day.

@bellac11

The bottom line is that people with a healthy weight are healthier than those who are overweight, no matter their diet.

Oh dear. It’s clear that you have no idea what you’re talking about to spout such utter bollocks. Please stop embarrassing yourself. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣🤣

There are some extremely fit and healthy people who also happen to be measuring as overweight.

Conversely, many slim people are extremely unhealthy because they don’t eat a wide enough variety of healthy foods, do sod all exercise, smoke heavily and drink too much alcohol.

The majority of heart attack victims are smokers and people who drink too much. You rarely find a fit size 16 fatty having a cardiac arrest. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I meant to say the majority of younger heart attack victims…

OP, !

Are there any charities supporting people with autism who could help with your diet? Can anyone recommend and resources that are accessible that may help?

Op, in your situation, who wouldn't want a bit of a hand hold, some empathy and practical support? You deserve all that and more. I hope you will find it.

For the time being, can you go back to your old diet and add a few health foods that you are not allergic to and can tolerate the taste, texture, smell of?

If Slimming World is overwhelming have you thought about Weight Watchers. It is easy to do on an app which works everything out for you. You don’t have to go to class if you don’t want either as there are online groups or even just using the app. But - if you did feel up to it - I’ve found the groups to be friendly and very supportive about all kinds of things, not just weightloss. But the doctor didn’t sound particularly supportive and I’m not surprised you left feeling like that. Good luck with whatever you decide to do x

Your GP is a dick.

If money isn't a massive issue, have you looked to see if there are any meal-prep companies who deliver to your area? I have a freezer full of healthy ready meals for the days when I just can't find the focus or motivation to make anything. I just chuck one in the microwave and don't have to think about it.

Hi lockedonyou, your last paragraph really moved me. I have to say, when you say, "I know it's no excuse", I think you are being really hard on yourself. It isn't an "excuse" it's a very big factor in your life. It contributes to everything. On top of which, you have lost a baby son recently. You poor girl. You are going through a very hard time. Do not be hard on yourself. You need time to grieve. I am so sorry you lost your baby boy. With that and 24/7 care for your disabled DC, it's not at all surprising you've no ideas for creating menus and recipes. I haven't anything like that sadness and amount of exhausting responsibility, yet I often can't think of what to eat and just have quick to make not highly nutritious food, because I just feel tired or fed-up.

I shouldn't take much notice of this Doctor. I reckon that, as a Locum, he's probably struggling a bit with Patients he doesn't really know in a place he doesn't know too well either. I'd stop worrying about his terrible choice of words. Maybe he's scared to make referrals though because he'd have to justify it on the budget. It might be that your weight-gain does not seem too much for a referral to him. But I understand what you are looking for.
You're obviously very intelligent, I think you'll be able to find the right kind of diet. I was thinking Gonnagetacatwhenimovein's suggestion of Slimming World might be worth considering as much for getting you out and meeting other people, but while I was writing you replied that you can't do it. That's OK. I was thinking meeting people or going out might be helpful as well as some recipe ideas. Actually, I understand when you say, "It's so overwhelming for me. And I can't follow those recipes, keep track, etc. etc." I'm much the same. I just wish I could help.
You are having a tough time.
Is there a Carers' Group or Autism Group or anything like that which you could go to? I feel a bit hypocritical as I seem to have given up mixing! But I think you might be a bit depressed. Please be kind to yourself.
I am sorry the GP was useless. Probably explains why nobody has employed him, and he's left doing Locum work. Please try to ignore him. There are some wonderful descriptions of him in the thread!

Good luck lockedonyou, you are doing a wonderful job taking care of your DC. Just take life one day at a time and remember to be kind to yourself.

Strange. I thought he meant extra treatment. Like a referral.

I really appreciate your help

I like chicken. For example Tesco meal deal do this protein cake bit of chicken in a packet. It has something like tikka or barbecue seasoning on it. It is just chicken breast without skin and I love it. I get it as part of a meal deal and my son will have the sandwich because I don't like sandwiches.

I don't mind the taste of vegetables but the texture is something I really can't deal with. I'm wondering if anyone on here can advise me if it's okay to purée vegetables and eat them that way. Or even get them in jars

I don't like chocolate or ice cream for example. But I do drink a lot of Redbull. I say a lot but probably only two cans a day. I like the taste but I suppose it's the caffeine content as I don't like coffee. They aren't good for you but I guess I could switch to sugar-free as at least that doesn't have calories really

So healthy foods I do like are things like chicken breast, Salmon, vegetables if they're soft and pureed, Fish sticks, cucumbers and carrots, hummus, and some soups

That should not say protein cake! It should say protein bit of chicken! Haha, not cake

That's also what I would have thought was meant.

It's such an odd thing to say isn't it?

Not "entitled to extra food"?

What does that even mean?

As an adult I'm surely "entitled" to eat what the bloody hell I want?

Whether I should or not is of course another matter!

Since when has putting on a few stone from healthy weight to slightly overweight ever warranted an NHS funded Dietitian?

You could pay for your own, research and use free online resources or join one of the many dieting/healthy lifestyle groups out there.

A dietician may not help. I have diabetes and saw one (a while ago). Their suggestions were quite unsuitable!

I found advice online was more helpful.

LampLighter414 · Today 20:31
Since when has putting on a few stone from healthy weight to slightly overweight ever warranted an NHS funded Dietitian?

I think OP meant a dietician with an understanding about how to work out an eating plan that works for someone with Asperger’s, in the same way her DC had been helped b a dietician who understood he was austistic.

I too had misunderstood about the ‘being entitled to extra’ - that he meant food not NHS services.

I've read all the OPs posts but not the whole thread, so apologies if this has already been said, but lack of sleep really messes with our metabolism, hormones and most definitely cause weight gain. If there is any way you can get more respite hours, or help in general with your son please seek that out. Unfortunately we live in an era where we have to keep banging the drum and being a nuisance in order to get the social care help that we need. If you haven't already, you might find it useful if you post on a relevant board to check if you could be entitled to more, and how to go about getting.