To think DH can't just buy a pet for his child without me agreeing?!

[BloodyPets]

H is a bit of a Disney parent to DSC.

I get on really well with my step children but his inability to say no sometimes really winds me up. He carries a lot of guilt about them being from a split family and going on to have more DC with me. That's another thread.

But anyway, the issue...

One of my step children has been asking for a guinea pig for a while. H is now waining and looking to give in.

I am absolutely against the idea for a number of reasons:

1. There's no way DSC will actually stick to being the one to care for it (like all kids promise to do I imagine), they are 11.

1. I'm the one at home all day so likely will fall to me to do cleaning out, feeding and so on.

1. We have other animals including 2 cats (not a good mix, one in particular is a hunter).

1. DHs solution to this is they can keep it in their room where the cats never go (DSC very keen on this idea) but the smell, the mess!!! Ugh.

Anyway, I've said no way and H is now thinking I'm awful and mean and 'id get one if our child wanted one'. No I wouldn't, any pet we got in the future would be thought about at the time and whether it worked at that point in time (for example perhaps one day when the cats are no longer with us and both of us are around more to care for one) and everyone was in agreement etc.. but right now it doesn't work for us (or me anyway).

AIBU to put my foot down about this, I feel on edge like he's just going to get one for him for his birthday (in a few weeks) and "promise" he'll do everything. I'll be so mad if he does.

I'm not the meanie who is the only one saying no.

Thing is as well I could just say 'fine you do everything for it I won't do anything' but I can't do that to a living thing. I know I'll end up feeling guilty if he doesn't care for it properly and end up doing it myself because I couldn't not look after the poor thing.

YANBU at all. Your husband is being an idiot.

It is totally unreasonable for him to buy a pet for your shared house without your agreement.

I would not keep a guinea pig in the bedroom. Their urine reeks.

YA definitely NBU. Everyone needs to be on board with pets. If you go away I also think it’s harder to find someone to sort them out then cats too.

Don't agree to it. You know very well that despite all the promises it will be you, and only you who does all.the hard work. Why can't he have one at his mother's house?

I'm not one for asking permission to get pets, but then I know will take completely care of it.

Will DH actually look after it?

Would DSC like their own kitten? Would that fit in with your set up better?

So... YADNBU. At all, pets should be a household decision and the fact that the SC is not there all the time means that inevitably some of the care will fall on both of you, or rather, probably you.

Having said that, we have Guinea pigs and they are really lovely little pets, so if you were open to adding to your pets they are quite a nice addition. Our cats are hunters too (one brought in a slow worm yesterday during Sunday lunch while we had guests, which was fun...) but they tend to leave the piggies alone. They don't smell and are very chatty and happy little things.

That doesn't solve anything! Its still an additional living thing for OP to look after.

A few more negatives for the list.

You can't keep a single guinea pig, they're a social animal so you need two, so it's twice the responsibility.

They need a massive enclosure (70x140cm minimum for 2), so unless your DSC had a very big bedroom, it's not going to fit.

Not that you should need to justify beyond you don't want them, but it might stop DH wavering if he looks at the practicallies, without being able to paint you as the bad guy.

Poor guinea pigs. This sounds deeply unsuitable. But if he insists I'd let him, don't go into the DSC's room ever, don't feed them, if they get neglected then call the rspca on your husband. If they get attacked by your cats then that's just the natural order of things.

Tbh I don't want any new pet. We have pets already, so they already have the experience of owning pets. We also have young DC in the house too. We are full enough without more things to care for.

Guinea pigs need to have at least a mate. So it's not just one.....

He's obviously not done any research or he'd know he needs at least two - guinea pigs are very social creatures and need a friend.

Keeping them indoors with fleece liners is relatively low smell, but they do tend to kick hay and poop out of the cage & the liners need washing once a week (which I'm guessing would fall to you!).

I couldn't do this, firstly because I'd feel too bad for the pig. But also because it's my house, I own this too and I don't want it getting wrecked or carpets stinking of wee and things like that.

Can they not go to a petting zoo to visit them or something?

And yes the fact they need another mate as well.

YANBU. Pets are something the whole household needs to agree on.

Also, Guinea pigs are social animals. You can’t get one on its own, you have to get two or three. Then you always at some point end up with a lonely one after the other dies and you’re stuck in the cycle of replacing them forever.

They also need a LOT more space than you think. The indoor cages sold at Pets at Home are all too small. Look up C&C cages which are the recommended indoor cages for GPs and look at the size of them. They need constant access to hay which gets everywhere and makes a mess. They are messy to take care of as they can’t be trained to use a litter tray like rabbits and wee/poo everywhere, so the whole cage needs cleaning regularly.

Hay is expensive and so are the veggies they need. I really wouldn’t want this.

True but if its just the dsc's room then it's their problem if it stinks of piss for eternity. Then when they move out charge them for the damage.

DP did this but for our DD, she wanted a rabbit, he got her one whilst i said it wasnt a good idea. As much as i like the bunny and she really is cute and gorgeous, its me who feeds her everyday, me who cleans her hutch out every week, me who makes sure she is let out for a run, me who covers her up every night (outdoor hutch) and me who has to do a slug check every night when its wet.

Everyone says to leave it to DP as he wanted to get it, but i know what would happen, and like OP i cant leave an animal to live in filth, water not checked, and not fed very day. It boils my piss but i wouldnt let her be mistreated.

When my Dd was younger we had a dog and a cat. She would often ask for things like a rabbit, hamster, usually after seeing friends who have small animals.

My answer was always no. I just don’t agree to animals in small cages. I read somewhere that rabbits are the most neglected animals. I know some people have these pets and give them plenty of outside time, but I believe they are in the minority. The way we keep small pets in cages is outdated and stems from a time when animal welfare was much much lower.

One tack might be to educate the child and your H exactly how cruel this is. I agree a parent who says that the child must be solely responsible for the care of the animal is irresponsible. My STBXH admitted once to having let his rabbit starve to death when he was a child. He was most surprised that I thought his lovely mother was equally to blame. Thinking about this still upsets me.

I am assuming the mother has already said no. I would look into how much space, size of cage, outdoors time etc etc it would need. It would be better for you if dh decides it’s much more expensive/time consuming/work than he at first thought and decides to say no himself.

YANBU but just in case he does it anyway, be ready to re home it responsibly
if there is neglect.

I used to say to my child, how would you like it if you were kept in your bedroom all the time. You could have all your food and toys but could never leave.

Apart from the fact that he shouldn’t be buying animals without your agreement, it’s really unfair to animals to put them in a child’s bedroom. They have to have quiet and peace.

Guinea pigs are a massive commitment, as said you need a minimum of two and enough space for their cage.

My DD has 2 and they are kept in the dining room where the floors are wooden. The mess they create on a daily basis by kicking the shavings out, which DD then stands in and treks through the house 🤯 I vacuum the mess up about 3 times a day.

If they are indoor pigs then you also need a run in the garden too for them to spend time on grass. The outdoor run will need to be enclosed to protect them from other animals.

As you have cats you're indoor cage will need to be enclosed too. The cage needs spot cleaning at least once a day, and a full clean out at least once a week. It takes me an hour to do a full cage clean.

They need their nails trimmed monthly, I tried to do it and it was so stressful. Now I take them to a guinea pig border to get their nails trimmed.

They pee and poo wherever they are so if you cuddle them then expect to be peed and pooed on. We use puppy pads on our laps.

They are prey animals so will run and squeal when you try to pick them up.

After getting my DD's guinea pigs I found out that I'm allergic to them so have constant watery eyes and a snotty nose 🙄

YANBU OP.

We have two guinea pigs and we love them but they are quite a lot of work. They live in a big C+C cage in our kitchen. It is 145 x 75cm. I do a mini clean out every day and wash the fleece liners every 3-4 days which is a faff. I don't think the kids would be able to reach in to clean it properly.

The piggies themselves don't smell at all, but the cage does quite quickly, and to be honest I think our kitchen always smells faintly of piggy wee. The hay and poos end up on the floor which is easy to sweep off a hard floor. But in a carpeted bedroom with the door shut I think there would be mess and smell.

They are also not as personable as a cat/dog, and although they are cute and comical, kids can get bored of them quite quickly I think, and they can live for up to 8 years.

I wouldn't get them unless YOU want them.