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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH can't just buy a pet for his child without me agreeing?!

89 replies

BloodyPets · 22/08/2022 09:56

H is a bit of a Disney parent to DSC.

I get on really well with my step children but his inability to say no sometimes really winds me up. He carries a lot of guilt about them being from a split family and going on to have more DC with me. That's another thread.

But anyway, the issue...

One of my step children has been asking for a guinea pig for a while. H is now waining and looking to give in.

I am absolutely against the idea for a number of reasons:

  1. There's no way DSC will actually stick to being the one to care for it (like all kids promise to do I imagine), they are 11.
  1. I'm the one at home all day so likely will fall to me to do cleaning out, feeding and so on.
  1. We have other animals including 2 cats (not a good mix, one in particular is a hunter).
  1. DHs solution to this is they can keep it in their room where the cats never go (DSC very keen on this idea) but the smell, the mess!!! Ugh.

Anyway, I've said no way and H is now thinking I'm awful and mean and 'id get one if our child wanted one'. No I wouldn't, any pet we got in the future would be thought about at the time and whether it worked at that point in time (for example perhaps one day when the cats are no longer with us and both of us are around more to care for one) and everyone was in agreement etc.. but right now it doesn't work for us (or me anyway).

AIBU to put my foot down about this, I feel on edge like he's just going to get one for him for his birthday (in a few weeks) and "promise" he'll do everything. I'll be so mad if he does.

OP posts:
FlipFlopShopInHawaii · 22/08/2022 10:34

fufflecake · 22/08/2022 10:08

True but if its just the dsc's room then it's their problem if it stinks of piss for eternity. Then when they move out charge them for the damage.

Show quote history

Meanwhile, back in the real world.......

Seriously, who charges their DC clean up/ repair fee when they move out?? 🙄

Trivester · 22/08/2022 10:34

Tell him it has to be kept on his desk at work.

cloudygreyskies · 22/08/2022 10:39

I had a solitary guinea pig. Never seemed to suffer just being the only one. Was always out in the run or being fussed.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 22/08/2022 10:40

Guinea pigs are not bedroom animals. They need a bigger hutch than most people realise, and usually a mate. They need access to an outdoor run and enrichment.

ThisIsAddiction · 22/08/2022 10:43

DD used to have house Guineas. Lovely things but they do smell, they do kick poo out and hers had a tendency to be more nocturnal (though google will tell you they aren’t supposed to be)

i found when I looked after them if she was away I was forever cleaning and washing their fleece lining because I became a bit pre occupied with the smell. After they passed she had an incredibly small dog and I’d take half a dozen of him over the pigs. Cute, but far too much work for my liking.

Eeksteek · 22/08/2022 10:48

Sprogonthetyne · 22/08/2022 10:05

A few more negatives for the list.

You can't keep a single guinea pig, they're a social animal so you need two, so it's twice the responsibility.

They need a massive enclosure (70x140cm minimum for 2), so unless your DSC had a very big bedroom, it's not going to fit.

Not that you should need to justify beyond you don't want them, but it might stop DH wavering if he looks at the practicallies, without being able to paint you as the bad guy.

The hay gets absolutely EVERYWHERE (and they must have it) and if you keep them on shavings or straw it’s even worse. You can keep them on fleece mats, but it needs washing all the time (every other day I reckon) or it stinks. They poop for England (rodents!) which doesn’t smell bad, but also ends up everywhere.

They are absolutely lovely pets, but you don’t want any other pets (which I totally sympathise with. I also don’t want any more responsibility!)

Can you pet sit one and let everyone see what it’s like?

Hiphophippityskip1 · 22/08/2022 10:50

I have been in this exact situation and husband went out and brought 9&11 dsc a bunny and a guinea pig. The novelty soon wore off and when the dark wet nights came interest was lost and they would not go out to feed and clean. Even worse the kids were only here fifty per cent of the timeLike you i could bot let an animal suffer as i was raised that if you have an animal you must give it the best life possible. I ended up being the main carer and the resentment I felt was huge. Be firm and stand your ground or at least set v clear ground rules and a schedule for feeding and cleaning which if bot adhered to means no tv/phone or screen time until its done. Sadly none of those options were available back when our pets were purchased.

LorW · 22/08/2022 10:58

Piggies are also expensive, not only to set up (massive enclosure needed), toys, enrichment etc, you also have to make sure they have hay constant, greens and pellets, I also would recommend insurance (all my piggies were insured since I got stung on a vet bill- you’d be surprised how expensive it is for such a small animal)

Just put your foot down! I don’t agree with buying animals for children, it’s ridiculous putting that responsibility on someone who can’t even look after themselves.

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 22/08/2022 11:03

Having had Guinea pigs before, I'd say no way!
They smell, need a lot of space to run, you need two, they need more care than you think and they can get very noisy.

seaweedhead · 22/08/2022 11:07

Has he even looked at how to look after guinea pigs? They're not an easy pet and, as others have already pointed out, you can't just have one-they need company.

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 22/08/2022 11:08

Actually I think it's a great idea. Dsc will have to live with it. Literally if it's in their room. Dh can feed and clean it out. Absolutely no reason you need to even remember it is there... When dh gets fed up he can tell his dc why it is being rehomed. A good parenting lesson for him.

Midlifemusings · 22/08/2022 11:13

How and when did the cats come to be part of the household?

Gremlinsateit · 22/08/2022 11:13

Also, like all small pets, guinea pigs always die tragic, heart-wrenching deaths and guess who will have to console the weeping children when they find their pathetic little corpses.

Connie2468 · 22/08/2022 11:14

cloudygreyskies · 22/08/2022 10:39

I had a solitary guinea pig. Never seemed to suffer just being the only one. Was always out in the run or being fussed.

They do suffer, it's cruel to keep social animals in solitary confinement. Just because it can't tell you it has a miserable life doesn't mean it isn't suffering.
It would be like putting a human in solitary confinement with just another species to fuss over.

Guinea pigs aren't an easy animal to keep well, they need lots of space. We have indoor and outdoor cages (5ft long) and a run, they need a varied diet of fresh vegetables and hay, they poo constantly and need a lot of cleaning out and daily attention.
You can't keep them in the bedroom of children who aren't even living there full time.

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 22/08/2022 11:17

Print off lots of info so YOU look supportive. When dh sees the level of work involved HE can be the baddie and tell the dc he has changed his mind.

forrestgreen · 22/08/2022 11:18

I'd write out a care sheet in minutia.

Size of cage
Initial costs
Weekly shopping lists
Daily cleans
Weekly full cleans
Time in garden
Cat proofing areas

Etc etc
In the end column, write down who's doing each thing each day (sc or dh) and how long it takes!!

Transfer all ownership over, I understand you won't mistreat them but he doesn't know that! He needs to think that they'll be sat waiting for him to do each daily clean and hoover!

Catfordthefifth · 22/08/2022 11:18

Midlifemusings · 22/08/2022 11:13

How and when did the cats come to be part of the household?

What has that got to do with anything?

JulesCobb · 22/08/2022 11:19

Absolutely no. Firstly, you cannot just have one guinea pig. Secondly, no.

keep firm, op. This will end badly for those guinea pigs.

FlowerArranger · 22/08/2022 11:24

I just don’t agree to animals in small cages.

So many reasons why your husband's idea is unacceptable, but this alone is sufficient reason not to get guinea pigs.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 22/08/2022 11:27

Another one agreeing that guinea-pigs need company ( it's illegal to keep a singleton in Switzerland )
They need a huge enclosure
They are very untidy
They need a load of hay which gets everywhere .

I kept pigggies from the age of 9-22 then my DD wanted A Pet at 9yo , we got guinea-pigs so we had eight years of pigggies ( including The Guinea-Pig Spiral whee one dies , you get another cagemate and so on) .

I will bet any money that your DC will get fed up -even my DD who was 100% for her pigs had days when she said "Mum can you feed/clean them" which I did because some were mine anyway but she was back on board the next day ..

We have cats now ( guieas have all gone to The Bridge ) they are much easier .
You have to keep piggies protected from everything
Heat, cold, damp (its a killer) predators , draughts , changes of temperature .
They have specific food needs and cannot vomit .

They are lovely but hard work.
Your husband needs to do his homework , and don't let an innocent defenceless little rodent suffer just so He can look good .

Lancelottie · 22/08/2022 11:29

I like guinea pigs. But...

Where is he planning to put a 5-foot cage (minimum)? Will it be easy to reach there for frequent cleaning? Will the cat sit on top and stick its claws through? Do you have storage for unfeasibly huge amounts of hay (and in our case, shredded loo-paper style bedding)?

Do you have a lawn with room for a much larger pen than that? How will he cat-proof it, supervise it and shade it?

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 22/08/2022 11:32

And (while I'm on my soapbox) there's an advert on TV ( NatWest) that shows a girl on the laptop with a talking guinea-pig
They get hurled through a cartooony swirl then the piggie thumps back onto the bed ( they are such fragile animals this could harm them) and in the background you see the plastic cage that even a hamster would struggle in.
Its in the girs' bedroom. OK its an advert but people see this and think , "ooh nice idea"

I emailed to complain about this advert .

hedgehogger1 · 22/08/2022 11:38

You'd need two minimum and they take up a lot of room. I just had an illness in one of mine that cost me a fortune in vets bills and they still died. They aren't easy animals. He should know better

Connie2468 · 22/08/2022 11:55

They will destroy your lawn too! You basically need to move the run on to a fresh patch of grass every couple of days.

ZandathePanda · 22/08/2022 11:55

We had 2 female guinea pigs. Ended up with 7. Poor things were only a couple of months old and pregnant when we got them. We had them inside as soon as they looked like dinner plates and their insides were moving. They are noisy at night and the cat brought in a live mouse which then was very happy to live around the guinea pigs. The whole house stank of hay/wee. We had to sex the males at 3 weeks in case the whole cycle ended up again.
They were sweet but don’t do anything other than wheek and wee and poo a lot. And the mess gets everywhere.