Sister armchair diagnosed DD with autism

[Mancie]

My DD is 2 years old and 2 months. My sister has been saying for a while that DD is “clearly” autistic. Reason being DD does not like most people. There are 3 or 4 people she likes but she’s now decided decided she dislikes her grandma (my mum) who has looked after her weekly since she was a newborn. DD does not play with other children, won’t even talk to them and if they try and talk to her she will turn away or start y to cry. She will not talk to adults either.

She rarely eats. Recently went 2 days without eating a single thing. She can say words (kind of) but does not talk in sentences. She will spend hours playing with “containers” as in putting something in a container and then taking it out again and will sing the same song over and over again for hours and does not get bored of it.

But she had good eye contact. Will point to stuff etc

What do you think? AIbU to say she’s a typical 2 year old??

Does your daughter go to childcare? Have any early years professionals observed her?

Oh and she fascinates over buckles and straps and wil entertain herself fastening and opening a buckle over and over again. I took her on a play date a few weeks back and all the toddlers went off playing (soft play) and Dd sat fiddling with her pram buckles the whole time.

Kids are all different. Your sister shouldn’t be ‘diagnosing’ your children with conditions. Just let your DD be herself.

I think people like your sister and what feels like the vast majority of the population who seem to think they are qualified to diagnose other people with autism, ADHD, etc need to take a seat and be quiet.
Your daughter, who was born during the most isolating period a child could be born in, is just 2 year old. Every 2 year old I've known has been different to the previous. You're her mum, ignore your sister and go with your own instincts as she gets older.

Sounds like she has a speech delay so my first step would be getting the GP to refer you for a hearing test, and then speaking to your HV about a referal to speech therapy.

Nobody can give you an answer on here ,
If you have any concerns speak to your Gp and get the ball rolling for assessments etc .

No, I tried taking her to a toddler dance class and she just kept running off wanting to fiddle with the straps on the equipment.

I took her for a taster day at nursery and she went into the book corner on her own and sat looking at books (until another child went into the corner then DD threw the book on the floor and stormed over to me fuming 😂)

If you are at all concerned about your child speak to your health visitor and they can put any necessary referrals or they may just reasure you. Like your sister, noone here can tell you wether you should or shouldn't be worried. Trust your instincts.

As a parent of two dc who have Autism I think your sister may be onto something.

She may well be wrong but seeking advice won't hurt and will lead to much needed early intervention.

Having good eye contact and pointing don't mean a child is or isn't autistic.

The reality is it's probably a bit early to tell one way or another and only a professional team can make a diagnosis.

The DSM-5 Manual defines autism spectrum disorder as “persistent difficulties with social communication and social interaction” and “restricted and repetitive patterns of behaviours, activities or interests” (this includes sensory behaviour), present since early childhood, to the extent that these “limit and impair everyday functioning”.

Does it sound like this could be true of your DD?

Armchair diagnosis is wrong, upsetting and tactless but your sister may have a point that going to HV and GP is a good first step. My dd hated other children and strangers at the same age, would run off at classes, slap kids that came too close at soft play and she is under assessment. My other dd who is autistic loved other kids but would frequently not behave appropriately at classes etc.

While some children can be diagnosed very early on, most of the time it takes much longer to join up the dots and be investigated and diagnosed. Many autism traits overlap with normal toddler schemas; the issue is that NT children move on to new development phases and ND children often get stuck or swap for similar behaviours and the development gap opens.

It took me 7 years to join the dots. Other than very intense "tantrums" for years, DS's traits weren't very obvious within the toddler years.

It's worth being aware of development patterns and how your child is doing, but your sister can't just "diagnose" a 2 year old like that and it takes the professionals prolonged investigations to reach that conclusion.

Sounds like their possibly could be something going on developmentally but your sister is very U to try and diagnose her with anything.
You definitely need some advice and someone to review her development. Ask for an appointment with your health visitor or see if you have a Childrens centre in your area who can advise/refer.

None of us can say for sure but I do think your sister may have valid concerns which are worth looking into.

I would have a chat with your health visitor and see what they have to say.

look at chances to be around others as much as possible, either toddler groups or nursery. It doesn’t matter if she just plays alone but it will help her get used to being around ohners and can help with language development.

OP, your DD sound exact like my nephew. He was a 'strange' child in that he had some odd obsessions with things like hosepipes, wires, containers. He too spoke little and had no interests with other people or children.

He was a lonely but happy. He is now a 25yo very sociable young man with a great girlfriend, finishing his apprenticeship in plumbing. He is lovely, very polite but with no issues engaging with others. No autism traits at all.

I think we've become very quick at wanting to put labels to any child who doesn't fit into the 'average' from the youngest age. Go with your gut feeling.

Sounds pretty textbook autism to me.
diagnosis might take a while but I think it’s likely shel end up with one imo.

It's really hard at that age, my oldest dd was exactly the same and she is 14 now and does not have Autism.
My son however was also the same but he didn't play with any toys what so ever, was very aggressive with others.
Has terrible sensory issues and does have a dx of Autism.
At 2 it's a funny old age,would be best to wait and see esp as nursery won't be long and they can see how she is at another setting.
Also I agree with the above poster that having little to no speech will not be helping so help with that would be beneficial.

My first son was a bit like this and hardly spoke any words till 2.5. Health visitor picked it up at 2 year check up. He also never played with other children at play groups, he would bring toys to me and play with them there. He preferred our company and would play alone at nursery. DVD’s were on repeat as were books. It was only when he started school that he did make friends, one had Asperger's and one although never diagnosed along with my son, was probably borderline autisic. Is he due his 2 year check up or don’t they do that anymore.

What experience does your dsis have of children that age and sen?

I don't think she should have said anything, but equally we'll I wouldn't tell you from what you've said that she's necessarily being ridiculous.
I don't think any of us on here can say your dd has or hasn't got asd, or anything else because we don't see her in RL.

But she does sound like if you haven't got intervention for her speech then it might be a good idea to get the ball rolling.
Speech therapy can have a long waiting list, so if you can get her on the list sooner rather than later that's good. The chances are she'll pick up and won't need it so you can come off it again. But if she does need it then being seen sooner is a good thing.

Pointing is a good sign, but there is probably enough there to ask for a referral to a developmental paediatrician to get your daughter assessed properly.

It would also be worth getting a referral or attending a drop in or group session with a speech therapist. They may be able to give some good tips on helping her speech and social skills.

Things may resolve naturally, but it is worth seeking help as early as possible.

Should also add that sister has an autistic child and she says DD has more autistic traits than her diagnosed child did at the same age.

socially she is totally stuck. She will mimic other children from a distance (like yesterday there was a young girl being silly on a swing thrashing around and DD was in hysterics trying to copy her, but when the girl approached DD she clammed up and wouldn’t look at her). She doesn’t like being dirty either and will obsess over any dirt on her hands / legs etc until it’s completely cleaned.

You have absolutely no way of knowing that based on a few messages on this thread ,and I say this as the parent of a severely autistic child, the no one can say even professionals whose job it is to diagnose autism need to do a full assessment.

Both my autistic children make eye contact and pointed to things.

Also at 2 they don’t play with other children, they play alongside.

It’s possible there may be concerns and something to keep an eye on.

I was specifically told by a paediatrician that my preschool child was not autistic because he had good eye contact, along other things. It was another four years before he was diagnosed. I do think it’s probably worth a chat with your GO or HV.

However, I also had a couple of armchair diagnosers and they did not in any way make the process any easier, nor were they of any support or help. So your sister can piss off. I think it’s fine for people to raise it once but they should then be led by you. If you want to give her some more time until preschool/school/whatever that’s your decision.

It’s worth mentioning to your HV.
bear in mind the current batch of preschoolers have been massively impacted by covid restrictions in terms of socialisation etc.