Sister armchair diagnosed DD with autism

[Mancie]

My DD is 2 years old and 2 months. My sister has been saying for a while that DD is “clearly” autistic. Reason being DD does not like most people. There are 3 or 4 people she likes but she’s now decided decided she dislikes her grandma (my mum) who has looked after her weekly since she was a newborn. DD does not play with other children, won’t even talk to them and if they try and talk to her she will turn away or start y to cry. She will not talk to adults either.

She rarely eats. Recently went 2 days without eating a single thing. She can say words (kind of) but does not talk in sentences. She will spend hours playing with “containers” as in putting something in a container and then taking it out again and will sing the same song over and over again for hours and does not get bored of it.

But she had good eye contact. Will point to stuff etc

What do you think? AIbU to say she’s a typical 2 year old??

With everything you have said I would absolutely be having her assessed or at least speak to the health visitor. If they have concerns its best to get a diagnosis before she starts school so measures can be out in place in plenty of time to make the transition as smooth as possible. Your sister most likely was speaking from a place of care even if she may have been a bit tactless

If you have concerns speak to your GP or health visitor. I knew at 18 months with my own child. I also strongly suspected with a family members child at the same age but didn't say anything until her mother mentioned concerns.

That applies to most of the questions posted on here , why don't people ask professionals instead of an internet forum thing

It does sound as though you should be raising it with your HV. The earliest she is in the system the better. If the nursery is a good one then it will soon flag up concerns. She should be interested in other children. She's hitting markers for Autism and as a parent of an autistic child your Sister is just wanting the best for both of you.

As pps have said, eye contact is a massive red herring. Plenty of autistic people can make eye contact without any problems at all - and autism presents differently in girls than it does in boys, typically. My DS1 was always a bit "extra" as a toddler but everyone minimized it as "just being a typical toddler". I wish to goodness that I'd trusted my instincts and sought help earlier than I did. It sounds like your sister is trying to help - don't dismiss her concerns out of hand. It couldn't do any harm to ask your health worker or GP for advice about whether your DD might need investigations. That's not to say she IS autistic - but it does sound like she's developing a little differently to what is considered typical.

My DP works in this field and I just read this to him. He said it does sound like autistic traits. However she could more than likely grow out of it and it may just be mental development delays and she is simply far too young to diagnose. Ignore your sister!

Autistic or not, 2 year old not eating for two days needs talking to HV or a GP only based on that.

No it doesn’t sound like typical 2 year old behaviour. But your sister is not qualified to diagnose. Have a chat to your local HV

You said in your first post that she is a typical 2 year old and then went on to list many atypical behaviours that you are aware are atypical. So do you think she is a typical 2 year old or not? If you have concerns go to your gp or health visitor

Basically she strongly suspects dd has ASD and rightly so from what you've said. She is probably able to spot things if she has another child with ASD. Her dd is still very young though, it often becomes clearer as they get older as a lot of things can be put down to possibly just being their age. Mine had good eye contact and could point - was diagnosed at 10.

Give her time and let the experts advise. I think a lot of 2 year olds will be showing different personality traits than in previous generations. Much of her early life has been living through Covid lockdowns, not seeing many people and then seeing people with masks on, not being held or mixing with many others, a time where washing hands far more regularly was the norm. She could be autistic or maybe not.

YABU to say this is all typical 2 year old behaviour. You need to talk to your HV or GP. If nothing else her speech needs to be checked by a professional. My boys both have speech delays and spoke more than that at 2. She certainly has traits that might be Autistic, which is not to say she is, but I would be keeping an eye on her developmental markers and keeping an open mind to the fact she could be Autistic or Neuro-diverse. All 3 of my DC are Autistic, none of them had this many flags for Autism at 2.

I ran a diagnostic team before retiring. With those indicators I would be seeking a referral. A good team would be watching for a period of time, looking at family history, circumstances of birth, any trauma. It would take a while to dx but in the meantime you could (should) be referred to SALT and perhaps portage.
I am autistic.

I don’t think your DD’s behaviour sounds typical. Impossible to say whether it’s autism from your post but it’s possible to have autism and also have good eye contact and be able to point.

To receive a diagnosis of autism children usually should have persistent difficulties with social communication and social interaction and restricted and repetitive patterns of behaviours, activities or interests which limit and impair everyday functioning. A lack of eye contact or not pointing may be a symptom of difficulties with social communication in some children but they are not a diagnostic criteria, a child can have difficulties with social communication or interaction and be able to make eye contact.

If your child has a speech delay and refuses to talk to other adults or children then it does sound like she could have difficulties with social communication and interaction. If she gets upset and cries when approached by other children it sounds like they are limiting her everyday functioning, for example being able to enjoy the book corner at nursery.

If your child is obsessed with buckles and putting items in and out of containers it sounds like she could have restricted and repetitive behaviours/ interests. If she’s unable to engage in soft pay or a dance class because she is too focused on the buckles it sounds like these could be limiting her everyday functioning and ability to engage in age-appropriate activities.

Thats not to say she does have autism, you’re only posting a snapshot of your DD and two year olds can be shy and can have odd interests and behaviours, but if your sister’s children have autism it does sound like she will be familiar with what autism can look like in children and autism can run in families too. In your shoes I don’t think I would be completely dismissing the idea.

I am surprised your DP’s advice is to ignore a family member’s concerns and to ignore what are clearly atypical behaviours. Surely it is better to have a professional check things out?

My dd is a extrovert and has ASD. Eye contact isnt a good indicator.

If you have genuine concerns I would seek out paeds asap as after five it might be camhs. The sooner you know the better.

My dd was under paeds at 18 months and discharged at 3 with a "it might be asd but it's not a issue until it's a issue"

Covid caused the issue and triggered the diagnosis or i think she could have ploded along until a teen or maybe forever undiagnosed. So what i mean is that if its causing concern it becomes time to seek help. But at 2 I'm not sure I'd be worried yet. I was only concerned because her two older brothers have sen. Her brother was diagnosed at and his behaviours was way outside of standard toddler development

I have an daughter with autism and your dd has more of the obvious traits than my dd has tbh.

I think your sister is probably right, it would certainly be worth getting a speech and language assessment completed as they will be able to give a professional opinion on whether ASC is likely.

The earlier you get a diagnosis the better imo, certainly better now than when your dd starts to struggle at school.

It doesn't NOT sound like possible autism tbh.

What you've described are autistic traits.

girls with autism do generally make eye contact because they're taught too, they also 'hide' a lot of autistic traits so i think it's worth getting her assessed when she's old enough

Not typical 2yo behaviour and I would get onto a Speech Pathologist and Paediatrician as soon as possible.

It sounds as if there are concerns which warrant further investigation. I would speak to a HV.

I remember watching my nephew play when he was about 4 and it was clear to me that he was autistic. I didn’t say anything at the time as I didn’t think my SIL would appreciate it. He was diagnosed a few years later.

Sounds like your DSis has concerns about your DD that she might not have expressed appropriately.

If she's 2.2 with limited speech, it's worth doing this progress checker from the SLT Charity ICan. It will tell you if they think that see needs any additional support and is a good starting point before you speak to your HV. I'd also ask the HV for a hearing test as the SLT will want DD to have had one.

Doing the MChat Test might be worthwhile.

One of the stand out features of DD1's difference (she has a brain malformation and didn't receive her ASD diagnosis until she was 15) was that she would 'investigate' where buckles, straps, etc., went into things. She would try and dissemble toys rather than play with them.

Whether your sister is right or wrong you have described enough to merit talking to your HV or GP. Nursery may also be helpful in identifying any concerns.