To not go to the wedding?

[Motherbride]

There’s 2 parts to why I’m annoyed about this situation..

Our friends moved abroad a few years ago (in Europe - we’re U.K.) they’re now getting married which is great! They’ve planned their wedding in said European country, fair enough. Invited all of our friendship group and family etc..

However, they’ve only given us around 7 months notice, the wedding is in half term and children are not invited (again fair enough we didn’t invite friends kids to our wedding either). But this is making things difficult in terms of childcare. They want everyone to go out for 6 days as they have activities etc planned for us which means childcare for the whole half term. Most of our friends have children so they’re asking this of everyone, not just us.

Then to make matters worse, the guy has planned his stag do for 6 weeks before the wedding in said European country again! So not only do we have to find childcare and fork out to travel to their wedding for 5 days, my DH is also being asked to fly out again to the same place for a 3 day stag do, the month before the wedding!

This has caused a riff between me and DH as I think they’re being totally unreasonable to ask of this from everyone. I think they could have planned to do the stag do here to save everyone flying out twice? Apparently he doesn’t want to ask his new friends to fly to the U.K., but he’s happy to ask his U.K. friends to fly out there twice?!

THEN to make it even more annoying, he IS coming to the U.K. for a ‘boys day’ around 4 months before the wedding.. so why can’t that just be the stag?!

DH thinks we need to just suck it up and do it all (if we can sort childcare)
I think DH should say no to the stag, but go to the wedding

Honestly I don’t even want to go to the wedding anymore, it’s going to be a nightmare to find childcare, I don’t want to ask that of someone it’s a huge ask, and I don’t really want to leave the kids all half term! But DH thinks I’ll look like a bitch if I don’t go

who’s being unreasonable here?

Sorry posted in wrong place

Tbh I can’t even begin to understand what is going through the heads of these types of people that even think that saying their wedding is going to be held over, in effect, 6 days, abroad, is a reasonable arrangements that all their guest would love to do. The sheer arrogance of it. I just wouldn’t have dreamt of making such a request on my guests time and money!

ok, if they are from a culture that has multiple phases to a wedding that go on for days…fair enough. But if it’s just an extension to a European style wedding it takes a lot of balls to think others will be delighted in that prospect and how you are expecting the families involved to make your wedding the social event and holiday of the year to exclusion of anything else including spending some of the half term with your kids.

I know it’s an invite. I know they can say no. But in practice, like the OP, Most people will be stressed with what they do unless they have loads of money, loads of time off work and no kids. Most normal humans will want to share the couples joy on the day, and have a chance of attending a lovely celebration and showing their support. It if it comes with expensive ramifications and expectations it makes it so difficult . Why do people have the arrogance to do this? Or Are they just being polite and actually don’t expect anyone to join them?

if they live abroad, fair enough to hold the wedding there. But if you genuinely want your guest to turn up, unstressed and not impoverished make it easy for them- a 2 night stay at most and help find cheap accommodation and allow kids to attend making some provision for the kids like a crèche in the church etc.