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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU in how a manage household money?

91 replies

Maggie178 · 20/08/2022 18:16

OH gives me a set amount every month. £400 We've always had separate accounts. I pay for all our household bills, groceries, everything the kids need, car tax and insurance, holidays, anything in the house that needs fixing. I've utterly lost it today when I noticed a pair of shoes that he's barely worn chucked in the bin. How does he have money to waste??
How do other couples organise their household budget because right now I feel like a mug

OP posts:

NumberTheory · 20/08/2022 18:20

All our money goes into one account. We spend as needed. Has been this way since we married. When we were both working. When one of us was between jobs and lately when I was a SAHM.

arethereanyleftatall · 20/08/2022 18:21

One account.

Orangello · 20/08/2022 18:23

so what does he pay for and how much do you both earn? That will probably explain how he has money.

Wale90 · 20/08/2022 18:23

Do you know how much he earns? Because that'll answer whether you're being treated like a mug.

We have a joint account we both pay into for all household/child related expenses. At different times we've both contributed different amounts. Neither of us would force the other to struggle and give them an 'allowance'

Janedoe82 · 20/08/2022 18:23

We have separate accounts and husband pays mortgage and council tax and I pay for other things. We buy whatever we like beyond that. I buy some food, so does he. I buy stuff for kids and he buys take away/ days out:

Onandupw · 20/08/2022 18:24

why would you put up with such an insulting arrangement. He basically pays you £400 a month to be his housekeeper and maid.

I despair when I see women post things like this.

why on earth do you not want to have equal control over your financial life .

Awcw1234 · 20/08/2022 18:25

Both get paid into the same account. Joint account pays for all bills, food, savings etc.

We both have the same amount transferred into our own accounts for “fun spends” to spend as we wish.

SweetPetrichor · 20/08/2022 18:26

We split everything based on how much we earn. For us, that means I pay 60% and my DP pays 40%. That seemed fairest.

Funkyblues101 · 20/08/2022 18:27

If he only earns £400 a month after tax then, kind of hard, but that's it.
If he earns more than £400 a month then you have a problem.
Most people outside the Indian subcontinent earn more than £400 a month after tax...

Quitelikeit · 20/08/2022 18:27

How do you afford everything on £400 a month?

a holiday!!! Where?!?!

how much does he have a month to himself?

Coldilox · 20/08/2022 18:27

we get paid into our own accounts, each pay into a joint account that covers all household expenses. We are left with the same amount of money each to spend as we wish, so as our salaries change we change how much we pay into the joint. But money is very fluid, even though we have our own accounts we consider it joint money.

TitInATrance · 20/08/2022 18:30

I was given £400 per month for four of us when I first married in 1986. That didn’t include any car related expenses. Awcw1234 has the right idea.

At the very least you need a joint account for household and child expenses, none of that should be coming exclusively from one person’s money.

Cyw2018 · 20/08/2022 18:34

DH and I have seperate finances, somethings go from my account, some from DH, we try and keep it roughly balanced relative to DH slightly higher income. I don't sweat it too much if it isn't perfect because we are married, so bottom line is it is all shared money, and DH is pretty tight and saves alot. We then have our own disposable income to spend as we wish without needing approval.

However, I have never given up work, so I have my own income, it would be very different if I was a SAHM rather than part time.

Original poster

Maggie178 · 20/08/2022 18:34

How much he earns changes every month. Between £1300 -1600. He pays for petrol and his motorbike loan.
My wage has just increased in the past few months as I decided to go bk full time. I earn £2000 plus any overtime.
We had separate bank accounts due to his poor credit rating and I didn't want it impacting mine.

OP posts:

PeacefulInTheDeep · 20/08/2022 18:35

Our arrangement is exactly the same as @Coldilox

We both have equal 'fun' money after paying into the joint account, which is where any household expenditure comes from.

Bubblebubblebah · 20/08/2022 18:37

How much is your share? I assume more than 400-500?...

Cyw2018 · 20/08/2022 18:38

Maggie178 · 20/08/2022 18:34

So you end up with £2400 and he has £1050. Without knowing how much your rent/mortgage and any childcare is, which i assume you pay OP, then it's hard to know how unfair that is.

Luna42 · 20/08/2022 18:39

Over 20 years ago that is the amount my DH used to transfer to my account for food shopping, spending money, kids clothes. This was only for a brief period when I wasn't working and we had a joint account too that I could use but we kept mainly for bills.
When I went back to work part time and earned less I kept my own account for child benefit and used that as I liked.
Now we only really use a joint account, everything goes in and out of there and it's joint money, we earn about the same.
We also have a joint saving account, joint mortgage and joint debt!
We discuss any expenditure over about £50 as we don't have much disposable income.
We got together when we were young so didn't bring any assets or large sums of money. I think that's why we have always considered everything as joint. When I earned more he looked after the children and visa versa.

OneCup · 20/08/2022 18:39

We have separate accounts but split bills and expenses equally. We have similar wages.
When I was on maternity leave, my husband gave me half of his wage so we lost the same amount of money.

Nix32 · 20/08/2022 18:42

We have separate accounts but we sit down at the end of each month to allocate money for bills etc and to make sure that we both have the same amount of disposable cash for the month ahead.

notanothertakeaway · 20/08/2022 18:43

My DH and I both pay into joint account for bills, and maintain separate accounts for discretionary spending

yonce · 20/08/2022 18:44

So each month you have £2400++ and he has between £900-1200? How much are your fixed bills? (Rent, utilities, food etc). How much is his bike loan / fuel?

We do one giant pot in our house and save / spend from it as we want, but we're in a very different situation to many of our friends who have to watch what they spend so I'm not sure that way would work in your situation.

theemmadilemma · 20/08/2022 18:46

We don't have children so that makes a huge difference. 50/50 on bills, we match each other for our joint savings, the rest is ours to play with.

LittleOwl153 · 20/08/2022 18:48

Maybe a 'joint account but only in yournname if he still has credit issues is the answer?

Given your relative incomes he should be paying 1450/3450th or 42% of EVERY household bill, rent, food, anything for the kids, house repairs, etc. When it comes to holidays he should also pay his share.

The car/bike situation I would guess depends on what it's used for - work commute/kids then it's joint, hobby only then no?

But yeah if you have no money at then end of each month and he has the luxury of extra shoes then something is wrong!!

Original poster

Maggie178 · 20/08/2022 18:48

I've done a quick tot up and I spend roughly £1300 on kids, bills and food.
He does spend alot on petrol but also gets some bk in expenses

OP posts:

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