AIBU in how a manage household money?

[Maggie178]

OH gives me a set amount every month. £400 We've always had separate accounts. I pay for all our household bills, groceries, everything the kids need, car tax and insurance, holidays, anything in the house that needs fixing. I've utterly lost it today when I noticed a pair of shoes that he's barely worn chucked in the bin. How does he have money to waste??
How do other couples organise their household budget because right now I feel like a mug

Can't work out who's being unreasonable TBH.

I presume you've both sat down and worked out the cost of everything and split it proportionally (based on what you're each earning). So if you're bringing in £2000 and him £1600 then he'd contribute less than 50% (40% in this case but less if he only earns £1300 one month).

Either way, £400/month doesn't sound a lot at all.

I earn significantly more than my OH but we pool our money. Always have, even before kids.

We have separate accounts but they are transparent.
Over many years adjustments are made so we have each ended up with an amount left over that was fair.

When I retired early we adjusted again. DH now pays for everything expect food.

We used to make shorter so riskier investments with our money, the risk element was ours alone and our money to gain or lose. We had decent enough paying jobs but those risks with our money which was not for the faint hearted meant we ended up better off than we ever would have been with our higher education sector jobs. We had dabbled in markets before we met, even as teenagers.

His big fluctuation in wages is an issue, you don’t ever really know how much more or less he is getting. You are just paying for too much. Separate finances can work but with honest transparency. The fluctuation in his income means you do need joint finances.

We have a joint account we put the same amount into, for mortgage, bills and food. Apart from that our money is ours to do what we want with (no kids)

£400 includes half the rent or mortgage? All bills and food?

I think you are wise to keep finances separate however, it is his home and his children so he can pay half.

I know proportionality is probably best but things are not cheaper when you earn less. Also he owes you a fortune in back rent/food.

He says he is asking because otherwise you would want more money. He has allocated his money as he sees fit.

You are a massive mug OP.

Add everything up. He pays half of that.

OP, you mentioned the separate bank accounts was because he used to have a bad credit rating...could he be in debt again, hence the combination of saying he's skint, seeming like he has more money and wasting new shoes?

We have two DD together. He earns more than me but I have compulsory overtime so it kind of works itself out. We keep our money in our separate accounts. We have a joint account for household direct debits and mortgage that we put into equally every month. We have a joint credit card that food, kids clothes, days out, holidays basically anything joint goes on that and we clear it equally every month.

This works well for us.

Sell the shoes. Use the money to start your running away fund.

£400/month for all rent, bill, food for you and the kids. Can i move in please?

You are being taken for a mug.

Unless I'm missing something, £400 sounds about right, given how much more you earn than him, at least for day to day bills.

If you earn £2000 per month, he earns perhaps £1500 on average. He gives you £400, so in total you have £2400, he has £1100. You then pay £1300 in bills/kids etc, so you each are left with £1100 per month.

However, savings/holidays etc should be then in addition to this, not just coming out of your money, so this being left all to you is not fair. Perhaps suggest he pays a bit more per month, and you match the extra to put into a separate account for savings.

The shoes would annoy me though.

I struggle to understand how an established couple would not treat each other equally like this:you're a team!!

What other people do doesn't matter. What matters is how you do it and whether it is working. You are clearly feeling resentful here so you do probably need to talk to him about it.

Thanks we've sat down and talked about it. Made a spread sheet and arranged to open a joint bank account. We'll both be paying in our wages and having the same disposable income each month. Should have done it years ago.

That sounds fair.

How much do you earn a month?

Yes, this is good 👍🏻