DH has completely changed

[GeorgiaDe]

My DH has completely altered his worldview/ opinion over the last few years. It was gradual, and only now am I coming to realise the full extent of it. We've been together for 15 years.

He believes in the great reset, believes there will be a nuclear war, covid is a hoax and the vaccines are killing people. He's stockpiled around £3k worth of food/ camping equipment/ knives. Our spare room is full of this stuff. He's also invested thousands into cryptocurrency.

He believes that inflation is all part of the "plan" and all the world leaders are "in on it" together.

I can't take it anymore. He disrespects my opinion by continuing to talk about it daily, even when I've expressed that I do not share the same opinion and don't want to argue about it. He tells me that "I will see when the time comes."

Every time there's news of a celebrity death/ unexplained death of a young person, he blames the covid vaccine. He threatened to leave me if I got it, although changed his mind when I made clear how serious I was.

Aibu to feel at the end of my tether? It's so draining.

I could’ve written this post. ‘The great reset ‘new world order’’ whereby my fully paid for house will be taken by the government & rented back to me, we’ll all be controlled & own nothing. All the leaders are in on it. Vaccines are responsible for all deaths etc. bill gates blah blah

I am stupid apparently for having my own opinion & he used to follow me round the house mocking me saying in a girly voice ‘yes Boris, of course Boris’ then putting videos on full blast on YouTube about this ‘alternative thinking’ despite my DS being there & me asking him to switch it off.

he’s literally pottt with it “mark my words’ & “you’ll see & do t come crying to me” it was endless.

It wasn’t just this reason, many other things contributed ( general negativity/aggressive outbursts & an inability to cope with life but I ended the relationship. I feel 109% better. Even though he still agrees the conversation to it but I just block it now.

No, the OP is trying to frame a narrative that he is obviously wrong (I'm ignoring the crypto bro shit), the hoarding/bulk buying is seen as obsessive but there have been multiple threads on here over the past few years as Brexit/Tory has won a vote, those usually go into multi threads and in some instances have had dedicated boards set up.

Mutliple threads about being worried about nucluar war are met with a reasoned response, but the OP slipped in the Great Reset which set others off as it being somehow an indicator of being alt right, despite it being out in the open as an objective.

The fact no one can offer any kind of (MN critical thinking)TM response and just say she is right shows MN in a bad light.

There is documented evidence for and against the great reset (the fact there is documented evidence against kind of shows how it's not a conspiracy) but non of it has been presented to the op, it has been a lazy twitter hot take of the DH is just turning alt right.

It's anothe nail in the coffin of why MN is become laughable when it comes to politics.

*steers the conversation

I shouldn’t think she has the energy to read endless books

Fair point, Towcat, though I did helpfully summarise the main thrust of the book for her, so she doesn't need to read it. And who knows, maybe she'd find it comforting to know she's not alone, and many others have fought against similar tendencies in their societies too.

Judgement of God
The fault of foreigners poisoning the water and spreading their customs (rings a bell)
Misalignment of the planets
Jewish conspiracies (that one sounds very familiar)
Muslims deliberately causing terror (hmmm, that reminds me of something)
A gift to allow martyrdom for believers
The Church not being as God intended
Witchcraft
Evil spirits
Bad balance of humours

Is he wrong though? The covid stuff is laughable but everything that is going really does make you think that there’s something going on. On the plus side when the power goes down (as it will) you ll have plenty of food!

To be honest this goes beyond an "opinion" that is different to yours and enters the realms of mental illness - I would suggest your dh is suffering from paranoia. Although (based on your being married for 15 years) he is likely older than usual for the onset of schizophrenia, I wouldn't rule out other mood disorders. He is so absorbed in this that he threatened to leave you for your personal health choices and cannot go a day without obsessing over this. From the way you describe it, this sounds like a real problem, but it would be almost impossible to get him to voluntarily accept help - no doubt he would view the healthcare system with great suspicion. I think ultimately you need to decide if you can live with this for the sake of your own mental health.

I could’ve written this post. ‘The great reset ‘new world order’’ whereby my fully paid for house will be taken by the government & rented back to me, we’ll all be controlled & own nothing. All the leaders are in on it. Vaccines are responsible for all deaths etc. bill gates blah blah

That isn't the great reset, you are trying to build a straw man.

www.opendemocracy.net/en/oureconomy/conspiracy-theories-aside-there-something-fishy-about-great-reset/

Is he wrong though?

Yes. Yes, he is.

Just "It's anothe nail in the coffin of why MN is become laughable when it comes to politics."

seems a good time to say that OP asked for advice re the marriage.

sorry OP but every update makes me think "leave him" even more strongly.

Poor OP, sorry your thread has been taken over by the conspiracy theorists.

Because you clearly weren't being gaslit enough at home, so you needed a bit more on here!

Me too... but if you watch one or 2, it's quite convincing my husband's ex colleague sends him this crap. They cut up/mash up actual scientific experts' interviews etc (with actual credentials) to say what they want them to say. It's mad how people can't tell it's not the real deal.

LTB. Without a doubt.

I really don't want to concern you too much - I know of father who got into all this egged on by friends who were all into it. I believe he was in finance or something too.

He set everything up so his family would be cared for and committed suicide. This was about 18 months ago. Also triggered by covid and lockdown. He believed he wasn't worthy enough to survive the reset or something like that.

I'm not sure what you can do but I do think he's mentally unwell.

Neither of us can prove otherwise but you cannot deny that these are very strange times

I don't think this is just about conspiracy theories. He's being emotionally abusive and ignoring your boundaries. He is controlling his conversation around everyone else but subjecting you to them constantly. That's about control. It's about undermining your boundaries and making your home feel unstable.
A surprising number of people are into Crypto and prepping. Also buying tangible assets because the economy is unstable. But the knives is about creating fear of violence.
If you want to try to find your old husband again, start with basic parameters. He needs to speak to a counsellor. He needs to get rid of the knives. If his response to those requests is that he refuses to engage then you leave.
In the meantime, you can speak to Womens Aid and access counselling on your own.

@GeorgiaDe

You are stuck right now in a deep hole that your H has dug for you. He has managed to get you to focus on him and his problem to the point where you are very stressed and even wondering who is right.

You need to start breaking through the walls he has erected around you. He can stay walled off from reality if he wants, but I am here to tell you that you do have choices and you dont need to stay stuck. They're not painless choices, not easy choices - but having choices means having power.

If you want to get your power back and reclaim you mind and your life, start by setting up your own personal bank account.

With that step goes a different way of thinking about yourself. It will be the start of the important process of disengaging. You have to will yourself to do this important work.

Stop trying to debate the rights and wrongs of his convictions. Stop reading the responses of rational people here. His cognitive processes have taken a sharp turn into fundamentally cynical and dishonest assumptions about human nature and motivations. He is a victim of his own sense of superiority here. Only people who believe their mental powers are superior to those of other people imagine that they have somehow stumbled upon a Truth and the rest of humanity is too stupid to realise what's happening.

Give yourself a month to six weeks to grieve the loss of the man you used to know and love. Get grief counseling to help you get through this. Unless a miracle happens, this man is not coming back. He has gone.

See a solicitor. Ask about divorce and splitting assets.

Start looking for somewhere else to live.

Remind yourself that if you still have feelings for him and he for you in the case of him suddenly seeing the light, you can get back together. But the relationship you valued, which gave meaning to your life and became part of your identity, is over. Perhaps not forever, but it won't be the same if it is rekindled. Once you've seen a part of someone else that is fundamentally foreign to your values, you can't unsee it.

I can relate. My husband is the same, turned conspiracy theorist during Covid. He would have been the least likely person I would have thought to go this way.

I have lost many hours/days/weeks trying to counter, convince, placate, argue, ignore but nothing works.

It’s got marginally better since Covid restrictions lifted, as there’s not the everyday pressure. But inflation is all part of some master place by the rich and powerful and he’s anti-Ukraine in the Russia/Ukraine war.

Closer to home he wants to buy a farm and make us self-sufficient for ‘when the time comes’; I’m not allowed use the microwave and we’ve had to replace all non-stick cooking pans and pots - I haven’t bothered to question why and I just don’t want to hear the insane logic. We needed new pots anyway. 😂

We’re not allowed to watch the news as it’s all lies. DS got into trouble for watching Newsround and DH had words with the school for allowing him to watch it in class (I was so embarrassed!)

We haven’t had a holiday in three years as he won’t travel to certain countries, doesn’t have the vaccine and refuses to PCR test. He didn’t speak to me for three days after I attempted to go for my booster vaccine - the only reason he broke his silence was it was Xmas day and his sister gave him a stern talking to.

I would have walked away by now if I was younger/stronger and it wasn’t for our 2DS.

Lockdown was a brilliant opportunity for sad and attention seeking arseholes to reinvent themselves - elevating themselves into alleged 'professionals' and begin influencing people (who were struggling with the mental isolation of lockdown), by spouting pseudo theoretical shit. And the more people that watched their videos and shared them, the more important they felt and it got to the point where a lot of them started to believe that watching other similar videos amounted to 'research' and an echo chamber was born.

And once you are 'in' the echo chamber, you're stuck there - because of algorithms all you hear are people agreeing with you and you are just not encountering opposing views. I can kind of understand how you can become brainwashed - it's not that different to a cult I suppose - everyone around you is telling you that the world is wrong and this is the right way - and eventually you're going to be converted. You are now 'on the outside' OP - by challenging his view - you are threatening his reality which is why he has to call you a 'fool' and tell you 'you will see'. Eventually he might start getting really angry. Because he actually needs to be properly de-programmed and I have no idea how you go about that (although some people on this thread seem to have experience).

So - in a nutshell, I would say that unless you are prepared to go through whatever 'deprogramming' involves - your relationship can't survive and you would do well to make plans. I know it's sad and it feels crazy to leave someone who didn't used to be like this - but he is stockpiling and showing clear signs that he is committed to his view so I honestly don't think you are going to be able to talk him round.

seems a good time to say that OP asked for advice re the marriage.

The OP inferred it was because of her DH 'believing in the Great Reset', multiple posts have outright said it means he is alt right, despite not offering the (RG educated) critical thinking that some are proud of.

There is a middle ground inbetween those saying OP should be worried because he is alt right and the thread has been taken over by conspiracy theorists and outright people posting shit about Bill Gates etc. .

@PineapplePrincess

We’re not allowed to watch the news as it’s all lies. DS got into trouble for watching Newsround and DH had words with the school for allowing him to watch it in class

You say you're 'not allowed' which worries me as it sounds like the outcome of you making your own, autonomous decisions as a person and a parent, would be some sort of punishment. I'm assuming that punishment would be verbal and emotional.

Your poor kids. And poor you too, but at least you have a choice.

Your DS got bollocked for watching the news? An age appropriate version of the news, no less.

This is no way to live.

@PineapplePrincess that’s a terrible environment for your children to grow up in

Gently, PP, you say you can't leave because of your sons.

But actually, you're raising your sons in a house with an unstable man who controls you and who won't even let his children watch the news without embarrassing them at school; who tries to control your health; and who won't go on holiday with them.

Do you think this is a good environment to raise sons (or, indeed, any children)?

He sounds like my dad ! My mum eventually had to leave as she was heading to a nervous breakdown herself. He chose this conspiracy stuff over her. I think my dad has a mild form of paranoid schizophrenia, my mum thinks he is a narcissist with an inferiority complex and uses these delusions of "knowing the truth" as a coping mechanism. We'll never know because he has refused to ever go to a Dr about this (it started around 10 years ago). My dad does have unresolved trauma from his childhood and has suffered from stress and depression so I don't know if any of this will ring similar to you, but their opinions certainly are !

I'm really concerned about the house sale. Friend brother went through a crisis. Decided to sell the house. He took off with all the money to give to some the end is nigh cult

BobDear is right. My ex-friend started out with all of this by stating that she’d “gone down the rabbit hole”. Now she’s a fully fledged conspiracy theorist, whose only friends are the same cohort (mostly online). She was looking for something, in life, and now she’s found it. Or, it’s found her...