DH has completely changed

[GeorgiaDe]

My DH has completely altered his worldview/ opinion over the last few years. It was gradual, and only now am I coming to realise the full extent of it. We've been together for 15 years.

He believes in the great reset, believes there will be a nuclear war, covid is a hoax and the vaccines are killing people. He's stockpiled around £3k worth of food/ camping equipment/ knives. Our spare room is full of this stuff. He's also invested thousands into cryptocurrency.

He believes that inflation is all part of the "plan" and all the world leaders are "in on it" together.

I can't take it anymore. He disrespects my opinion by continuing to talk about it daily, even when I've expressed that I do not share the same opinion and don't want to argue about it. He tells me that "I will see when the time comes."

Every time there's news of a celebrity death/ unexplained death of a young person, he blames the covid vaccine. He threatened to leave me if I got it, although changed his mind when I made clear how serious I was.

Aibu to feel at the end of my tether? It's so draining.

all I am doing is trying to explain where this is coming from! The reports on the forum confirm the concerns from the conspiracy. I am aware we live in a democracy but I certainly didn’t vote for what is going on right now. I don’t want the right of refugees being eroded so we can treat them anyway we like… surely that isn’t democratic?! I am pointing out where this is coming from!

Well to an extent. You can only vote for the candidates available...

I often think about my university days and the 'reopen nominations' box you could tick.

Have you any idea how boring it is for someone who isnt obsessive about whether it is or isnt happening, whether it is or isnt a conspiracy etc etc

Yes, but considering there a multple posts already marking him out as a right wing conspiracy theorist, and the op alluding it to be a conspiracy theorist maybe it would be good to apply the famed MN RG degree in critical thinking and not brush it off so readily.

You can be bored with obessiveness, I know I have it with some of my most fervent FBPE friends (even though I voted remain and am an immigrant), but if you don't have a basic understanding then how can you brush it off so readily?

Flowers, it’s a kind of nihilism with infused nerd knowledge really, isn’t it? They want to upset the existing order in some way whilst finding comfort in applying arcane rules to the process. The arcane rules are different according to which position you take of left vs right, and initiates compete for status on the basis of how well they can parrot the lines, but the outcome is similar, in seeking to control other people. I love the film Goodbye Lenin as it shows the process very well in the East German context.

I don't know if you feel like reading, OP, but I found the book Defying Hitler, by Sebastian Haffner, an absolutely fascinating psychological study into the mindset of Nazism, and what drove some Germans to react to the shame of Germany losing WWI by externalising blame onto external scapegoats (in Hitler's case, onto Jews), while other, more resilient and decent people reacted by trying to internalise and learn constructive lessons from what had happened and move forwards.

Of course it's much easier in difficult, stressful and confusing times, to try to find a specific target to label and blame (nearly always, these targets are Jews or other ethnic minorities - hence why basically all conspiracy theories end up as far-right neo-Nazism). Much harder to actually face and accept the reality that life is chaotic, unplanned and shit happens. And that there isn't usually a nice convenient group to blame for it. As that would involve living with uncertainty, and accepting personal responsibility. Which these neo-Nazi types are too weak to do.

Anyway, recommend the read if you want an insight into what drives the weak and irresponsible towards conspiracy theories.

I have never voted Tory in my life. Nor did I vote for Brexit but I accept they were voted for by the democracy. It is exactly democracy that we have

What did Winston Churchill say 'the best argument against democracy is a 5 minute conversation with the average voter'

He might not have said that but I agree if he did say it!!!

Bellac, not completely, the Brexit vote was rather gerrymandered in that overseas Brits were deliberately denied a democratic vote about something that would affect them directly. Had their votes been permitted it’s nightly likely the outcome would have been different.

Have you considered that your DP may be right and you may be wrong OP? What makes you so sure he is incorrect to believe what he does?

Except that the people in charge (the government of the day) was a Remainer government it wasnt in their interest to create a leave result

Basic incompetence explains a lot of what happens in this country. And I cant imagine we are much different to other governmetns around the world in that respect

Personally, I'd be using this downsizing move to downsize myself to a one bedroom flat. Alone!

If you're not ready for that, you seriously need to separate finances, right now. No more of your money should be going into these speculative entities. Just the other day I read about 2 men who started up a crypto business and defrauded people of millions and they aren't the only ones. Just google 'cryptocurrency ponzi fraud scheme '. My son is pretty savvy as far as investments go and he won't touch crypto with a barge pole.

And you need to see a solicitor, pronto, to find out where you stand with regards to these 'assets', including the coins, if joint money has been used. You may not want a divorce today, but that may change tomorrow. Educate yourself.

And listen, I know you want children. I totally get that. But you need to think carefully about what it might be like having a conspiracy 'nut' as their father. Fighting over vaccinations, the 'proper' school, the way the child is brought up and the values taught. The list is endless. And how much more difficult it would be to extricate yourself from a bad situation with a child in tow. Once you have a child, their father is in your life for good.

@hybridoaties I heard the increase in SADS thing before, the numbers are so small each year that you cannot discern anything from the data. www.ons.gov.uk/aboutus/transparencyandgovernance/freedomofinformationfoi/suddenadultdeaths2016to2021

Interesting post. I like thephrase 'nihilism with infused nerd knowledge'!

Oh FFS.

Yes I forgot about the silver, my DH has spent thousands of pounds on silver. He is also talking about moving to somewhere remote/another country. You never see him without air pods in listening to some New World Order bollox.

The stockpiling food I am vaguely on board with as it's getting more expensive by the week, the rest is just tedious.

I think they enjoy the feeling of belonging to some kind of enlightened group in the absence of having colleagues.

Churchill said that 'democracy is the worst form of government except for all the others'.

And he was right.

for the person suggesting that the ops husband might be right, maybe he is but that’s not what this post is about. The op and her husband had their values and beliefs when they got together and in a relatively short space of time he has fundamentally changed his entire belief system and is no longer the person she fell in love with.

I suspect having been lectured at by him if she was going to believe any of it she would have said so by now, she clearly doesn’t so she is now in a position where she doesn’t know what to do.

And I shouldn’t think she has the energy to read endless books and links on how fascinating it is that someone can be turned onto these cults - I’m sure it’s interesting for those not dealing with it in a daily basis but for people who are living it they are exhausted and sick to death of hearing about it and just want to get back to some kind of normal life.

I couldn’t stay with him whatsoever.

Exactly, who cares how he got that way the result is that OP is living in misery

Bellac, not completely, the Brexit vote was rather gerrymandered in that overseas Brits were deliberately denied a democratic vote about something that would affect them directly. Had their votes been permitted it’s nightly likely the outcome would have been different.

You are tilting the table a little there in favour of your argument, the Brits abroad who couldn't vote had not been living in the UK for 15 years.

Just like the SNP only wanted votes from Scots who lived in scotland, Catelonians etc, it was agreed across the argument and most statiticians at the time said the number where negligable.

This isn't a brexit argument though, this is trying to frame the OP's husband as somehow being right wing nazi in the making for reading the same politicians and institutions that where Remain parroting the Great Reset narrative that has been a WEF corner stone long before Covid.

@flowersandsunshine Can you elaborate a bit, maybe give some evidence to disprove that the WEF plan is incorrect please?
Dismissing peoples' legitimate concerns by swearing at them isn't at all constructive to this debate.

And YANBU to leave OP. Your life sounds stressful and tiresome with your DH.

I wonder what the narrative was in the 1300s around the plague at that time, that was a massive reset. In favour of the populace.

Perhaps all the barons and knights were nattering on about a great reset and how all the serfs were banding together to kill each other off so that they improved their lot

That's really difficult and I feel for you OP. It has also happened to a guy I used to work with - he was a totally normal and rational guy, very good at his job. Unfortunately he just couldn't do anything apart from look at crypto sites and talk about prepping - he has been let go. I feel really sorry for his wife and DC too.

You seem to really love him still, and I understand that. But I think in order to protect yourself you need to ensure he hasn't got access to all your money (just to save him from himself), you also need to keep some money by your (don't let it all go to a joint account. Could you consider separating for a while and getting your own small place and then seeing how it goes. Make it clear that this is nothing more than a separation due to his current views, but you still love him and will be faithful to him if he promises to do the same. Just a suggestion, but I hope you have your old DH back soon.

I'm not going to waste any of my time disproving nonsense.

I think Sartre's quote on antisemitism (applies to any far-right sealioning just as well) is relevant here:

“Never believe that anti-Semites are completely unaware of the absurdity of their replies. They know that their remarks are frivolous, open to challenge. But they are amusing themselves, for it is their adversary who is obliged to use words responsibly, since he believes in words. The anti-Semites have the right to play. They even like to play with discourse for, by giving ridiculous reasons, they discredit the seriousness of their interlocutors. They delight in acting in bad faith, since they seek not to persuade by sound argument but to intimidate and disconcert. If you press them too closely, they will abruptly fall silent, loftily indicating by some phrase that the time for argument is past.”

I do think anyone could fall down a rabbit hole. Just look at religion. As a species we seem to be designed to believe any old stuff. How would your persuade someone God doesn't exist? I don't think you can and I don't think you can persuade your DH that what he believes isn't true. The question is - can you live with it? I am guessing you can't.