DH has completely changed

[GeorgiaDe]

My DH has completely altered his worldview/ opinion over the last few years. It was gradual, and only now am I coming to realise the full extent of it. We've been together for 15 years.

He believes in the great reset, believes there will be a nuclear war, covid is a hoax and the vaccines are killing people. He's stockpiled around £3k worth of food/ camping equipment/ knives. Our spare room is full of this stuff. He's also invested thousands into cryptocurrency.

He believes that inflation is all part of the "plan" and all the world leaders are "in on it" together.

I can't take it anymore. He disrespects my opinion by continuing to talk about it daily, even when I've expressed that I do not share the same opinion and don't want to argue about it. He tells me that "I will see when the time comes."

Every time there's news of a celebrity death/ unexplained death of a young person, he blames the covid vaccine. He threatened to leave me if I got it, although changed his mind when I made clear how serious I was.

Aibu to feel at the end of my tether? It's so draining.

It’s got marginally better since Covid restrictions lifted, as there’s not the everyday pressure. But inflation is all part of some master place by the rich and powerful and he’s anti-Ukraine in the Russia/Ukraine war.

Yeah, have a friend who is espousing the same principals, thinks Corbyn would have saved the world and believe Jews are behind the route of our problems, she also posts many anti tory threads on MN (not you OP) and can't nuance the discussion of being pro neolib-pro eu with siding with multinational banks while calling the old red wall as uneducated , despite my reports she is free to name change and post, the ironic thing is she want's the online saftey bill to be implimented whilst also wanting the anonymity of name changes when she want's to bithc plop and pretend she is non british

Yes, I think that needs looking at as priority and hope OP has her salary paid to her own bank account.

I know of someone through work that just divorced his wife over this. She went totally mental over covid all conspiracy theory stuff he tried to get her counselling/help/even sectioned but she was having none of it so he had to leave in the end. She now thinks all the celebs are actually men

OP, get out while you can! My work colleague's DH is like this. She used to laugh at him. Then over a year she's changed and now she spouts ask the stuff you talk about it, and tries to convince us. It's worse than religion, or maybe similar to an evangelical cult. I find it so hard and it's a shame because I really like her but her mind is now full of rubbish.

Our government can't even elect their own leader without making a hash of it. The idea that they, other countries, major multinational corporations and official bodies would be able to co-operate with one another to organise anything (evenn something as simple as a piss-up in a brewery) is, quite frankly, ludicrous.

It sounds so draining. I honestly don't think I could cope with it.

I know a couple of people who turned like this, I had to unfriend them as I got so fed up with their fb rants.

If I were in your shoes I would seriously be thinking about calling time on the relationship, sorry.

I don’t like the environment, no.

We do try to shield the boys from it; so when DS was watching Newsround it became my fault (and the schools) for letting him. DS didn’t get a row himself, but was asked/gently told not to watch it by DH.

I still watch the news. If it’s on the TV and DH walks in he’ll turn it off and mutter about all the lies. If I say anything back it will become an argument. So I tend just to watch it on my iPad to save from arguments.

I have spoke to DS (who is 8, youngest is 3 so doesn’t understand) and explained that DH and I have different views on things and that’s okay as long as those views are respected and doesn’t cause harm. I’ve impressed the need for DS to reach his own decision, guided by research and discussion when he’s old enough and ready. I’m not sure what DH says to him.

I don’t like this current situation. I’m hoping it’ll pass and things will improve. After a 23 year relationship and 2 DS, I’m reluctant to throw everything away. I still do love DH but the environment can be intolerable at times.

I don’t think I could leave just now. Not saying never if things got worse, but I would need to get myself into a more mentally and financially secure position. The boys dote on their Dad (more so than on me) so I know leaving with them would be horrendous. And I know how passionately DH would fight to keep them, so not even sure how practical leaving with the would be. So I say for now, and hope that and don’t need to in future.

Have you seen the subreddit r/QAnonCasualties ?
Sadly your problem is not unusual.

Yikes, I’m alarmed by the number of conspiracy theorists populating this thread…

“Do your research, sheeple…” 😬

I could be being unfair but it seems to me that there must be a certain vulnerability to those that fall down these bonkers rabbit holes.

Alot has changed during the lockdown series. People have moved countries, opened and closed businesses, the way corporations have operated .... things have changed. For your husband to be onboard with what is going on (which we really all should be as we all live in this world) is a good thing. I'm sorry you are arguing about it and you are no longer on the same page. It appears one of you has moved on and wants to keep up to date and the other is stuck in the pre covid way of news consumption and living (which right or wrong - many people are doing). There is a very obvious divide I've personally noted and I'm going to call it the left behind vs those with the programme (whatever that programme is).

I like to be informed like your husband. I believe in free speech and that everyone has a right to be heard, investigate what they want to believe if they have the get up and go to do their research and other people are very comfortable to sit on their sofa at breakfast time and turn on their preferred news channel and be 'told' what is going on and spoon fed a view. The latter is of course the way most people are most comfortable with because it 'fits in' and also because it's the easy route that requires the least work and thought.

It's very hard to get back on the same page with someone who has put in so much research like he has if you are the type who is not really interested in that and I can clearly see how utterly frustrating this could be for both of you. I can't see a resolution... and both of you are fixed on your beliefs and they are not genuinely going to change because it's in neither of your DNA. So what are you going to do about that?

I’m sorry, but I could not stay married to someone like this. He’s being massively irrational, and it’s affecting your life and finances now on a practical level too. I couldn’t cope with it.

I know people who have started hoarding lots of food, bottled water, survival stuff during the last couple of years. I don’t, because if there is a reset, there will be a lot of bad times for a while until reset is complete, and I’d rather not be around. Who wants to be bunkered, with nothing to do, surrounded by tinned peas for God knows how long, with probable anarchy? Not me……

This is gaslighting

@PineapplePrincess

I still watch the news. If it’s on the TV and DH walks in he’ll turn it off and mutter about all the lies. If I say anything back it will become an argument. So I tend just to watch it on my iPad to save from arguments.

I have spoke to DS (who is 8, youngest is 3 so doesn’t understand) and explained that DH and I have different views on things and that’s okay as long as those views are respected and doesn’t cause harm.

You might have said those words but what they've actually seen is someone saying it's ok to have different views on things, such as watching the news, then their mum doing what their dad wants (either not watching it at all or only watching it on an iPad rather than on their tv).

Actions speak louder than words for children and unfortunately yours are being taught that men get the final say. Especially worrying as you say they dote into him so that messaging will be even more deeply absorbed by them.

I hope you can get them out of this toxic living environment soon.

What is gaslighting - responding to a thread?

This sounds like a 'journalist' thread and I wouldn't be surprised if quotes are taken off her for a piece in an article to be published.

When you put a question out there it would be fair to assume you are going to gather thoughts and want to hear opinions from 'both' sides of the page not just one side.

This is such a patronising and offensive reply to OP @WGO

For your husband to be onboard with what is going on
The beliefs he holds show this to not to be the case.

everyone has a right to be heard, investigate what they want to believe if they have the get up and go to do their research and other people are very comfortable to sit on their sofa at breakfast time and turn on their preferred news channel and be 'told' what is going on and spoon fed a view.

The trouble with this statement is that the majority who refuse to believe mainstream views and are "doing their own research" are actually just getting their information from other incredibly biased sources.

Of course critically think about what the media is telling you. Look at the sources/original research article etc behind the headline. Read from a couple of different outputs. But if 99.99% of experts are telling you COVID isn't a hoax, and you hang on to the views of a single crackpot doctor on twitter, more fool you.

@bellac11 you're right. It's gaslighting. Looks all reasonable until you realise that she's undermining the OP with every word she says. Nasty, and all too common among conspiracy theorists. They seem to have a need to feel superior, and they seem to be very angry with anyone who doesn't think like they do. I've lost a couple of good friends because of it. Very sad.

@PineapplePrincess

You don't need to be mentally or financially ready to extricate yourself and your children from an abusive home. You just need to reach out for help and stick the course.

You are dancing around the idea that this life you are leading is abusive, but it is 100% abusive if you can't do normal things like watching the news on the TV and have to instead hide it or do it privately.

The fact that your DCs seem to like your H more than they like you shows that they are not treating him as a real person whose feelings they can hurt and still be confident of his love and affection. They are tiptoeing around him just as you are. They want a normal father like other children have. They have a looming, domineering, preoccupied weirdo instead. As they grow, they will find themselves code switching in school and with friends. They will grow up with a deep and abiding sense of shame about their home life. This is incredibly traumatizing.

You all deserve a normal life free of fear. The longer you can't get your ducks in a row and leave, the longer your children will be exposed to this abusive batshittery. This is all they will know of life.

Please contact Women's Aid.

This isn't just a case of a home where things happen that you 'don't like'. Nor is it a case, as you have told your son, of two people disagreeing, and everyone having a right to their opinions. You clearly do not have a right to opinions your H disagrees with, and telling your son that he can make up his own mind when he's older is a shrugging off of your parental responsibility toward him. Its kicking the can down the road. What would happen if you were to stand up for your son's right to watch Newsround?

You are afraid of arguments if you stand up to this domineering man.
You feel you have no choice but to stay.
You fear that your H would fight tooth and nail to take the children from you if you were to leave.

You are staying because of fear. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that.

It's very hard to get back on the same page with someone who has put in so much research like he has

To add to this @WGO - "putting in so much research" does not equate to watching videos on youtube and bitchute, and only listening to those who reinforce your beliefs.

Research = facebook and youtube

lol

OP isnt marching round the house espousing her views shoving them down his throat.

He has turned into a paranoid, obsessive, intense and quite frankly a scary sounding bore. Thats more than a 'view'.

OP protect yourself and your money and make your plans

You should move but into two separate houses OP. Never heard of anyone snapping back once they're down this particular rabbit hole.

So much of this resonates with me about my friend's bullshit spouting...anti-vax, Bill Gates, anti-Ukraine.

FFS, are they all getting it from the same place or what?

Yup - implying the OP is a bit dim and incapable of free thought with every sentence. Just missing "sheeple", "wake up", "open your eyes" etc etc, although I see the good old "do your research" is in there.

Ignore it all OP.

I was fascinated by how all the accounts & people who had predominantly been spewing anti-vaccine/COVID is a hoax type stuff immediately moved on to anti-Ukraine posts.

Yes, these are indeed strange times.
But there have always been strange times in the world - there has never been a time without war, or famine, or drought, or conflict, or atrocities somewhere in the world. It's just nowadays we have minute by minute accounts of what is going on streamed directly into our phones. So it feels more scary and people thing it's happening more than it used to.