DH has completely changed

[GeorgiaDe]

My DH has completely altered his worldview/ opinion over the last few years. It was gradual, and only now am I coming to realise the full extent of it. We've been together for 15 years.

He believes in the great reset, believes there will be a nuclear war, covid is a hoax and the vaccines are killing people. He's stockpiled around £3k worth of food/ camping equipment/ knives. Our spare room is full of this stuff. He's also invested thousands into cryptocurrency.

He believes that inflation is all part of the "plan" and all the world leaders are "in on it" together.

I can't take it anymore. He disrespects my opinion by continuing to talk about it daily, even when I've expressed that I do not share the same opinion and don't want to argue about it. He tells me that "I will see when the time comes."

Every time there's news of a celebrity death/ unexplained death of a young person, he blames the covid vaccine. He threatened to leave me if I got it, although changed his mind when I made clear how serious I was.

Aibu to feel at the end of my tether? It's so draining.

I highly recommend listening to the New York Times' podcast Rabbit Hole, which traces how people fall down these holes, why the tech encourages it, and how (some) people get out. It's happening to so many, and it's a huge societal problem.

OP, you have to think of yourself and your future too.

Well I must agree with him on some topics. It can’t be denied that the vaccine has caused injuries. It has destroyed peoples immune systems.

one in six teenagers suffer heart rhythm changes after two doses of Pfizer.

Clearly much less than than the 1 in 3000 teens who suffer from multi inflammatory diease from Covid that the TGA used to justify rolling out the jab to children in the first place.

Seriously what’s it going to take for authorities to admit they got it wrong?

I've just read this thread to my DH. He advises that OP should listen to her DH, because in this instance he knows best. There will be famine and power cuts.

DH went into lockdown recovering from his own surgery and the traumatic death of his DM. He is self employed and his work dried up, so he has spent most of the last three years watching YouTube. It is all he talks about - he's on excess deaths at the moment.

Reasoning with him is impossible. It is so draining.

@GeorgiaDe why are you moving house, downsizing. Whose idea is it??

One in six teens

And how was this 'proved' that it was the vaccine? Were all of these teens able to avoid covid. Because viruses also cause long term damage.

I had a terrible virus many years ago and have life long effects from it.

I know people who had problems from the vaccine but overall its difficult to say whether things are due to teh vaccine or long virus effects.

Odd beliefs, delusions and paranoia are early signs of some mental health conditions.

A lot of people are assuming this is a Mental Health issue, and I understand why as your DH's beliefs are extreme. The thing is people are entitled to hold extreme views and a significant number of people do have all sorts of beliefs you or I might consider bizarre with regard to things like religion, politics or believing conspiracy theories. So while others might consider those views outlandish or "mad" in terms of their own values and beliefs, that doesn't necessarily mean that people who hold extreme views are suffering from a Mental Health disorder. For something to be classified as a Mental Health disorder two elements need to be present, the problem needs to be interfering with their day to day functioning and it needs to be causing them significant distress. Is this the case with your DH? If he was genuinely suffering from the sort of paranoia caused by a psychotic illness it is very, very unlikely he would be able to conceal this from others or prevent it from interfering with his work.

Flowers, I actually wondered about Prevent as well.

@EatAllDay even if we agree you’re right what would drive you to post statements like that where the OP hasn’t even tried to start a discussion around the subjects themselves?

You’re evangelising.

Are you the OP's DH?

There's always one, isn't there...

I disagree that it's a mental illness and talking to a GP will help. It's no more a mental illness that becoming a Jehovah's Witness or as others have said, joining a cult.

It is very prevalent however and has snowballed throughout the pandemic. It is also an echo chamber where conspiracy theorists surround themselves with 'like minded people' who 'know the truth' and reinforce each other's beliefs. They also very much believe in their own superior insight and knowledge... I heard it once described as a way for not so bright people to feel they have one over the rest of us!

The thing is there is no end point... as someone else said, the goalposts will move... everything that happens in the future will be attributed to part of 'the plan'.
It also ultimately tends to lead to Libertarian, ultra-right wing, racist views...

Yes I made the same point, the rigid criteria for a MH diagnosis means that he is not strictly 'mentally ill' although we might all conclude something is 'not right' with him

And thats why its exasperating when people suggest him going to the GP and asking for therapy!!!

Whats he going to say, my wife doesnt agree with my views because she is one of the the sheeple, can I have some therapy please

Yes actually there has been a big leap in Prevent referrals for mixed/uncertain beliefs (what a lot of conspiracy theories fall into) and far-right beliefs, these now outnumber the Islamist category.

EatAllDay, I’ve unlimited access to related scientific research, I am trained in how to interpret it effectively, plus I was a Government expert advisor on youth and Covid during the pandemic. You are presenting a very skewed, selective picture of vaccination risk there. Suffice it to say I have had all my own kids vaccinated, including boosters where available. If I thought it was dangerous I would be straight on here advising people against it, believe me. It is statistically less risky to get vaccinated, even if you get Covid afterwards anyway, than to get Covid as an unvaccinated person

You won't be able to change his mind op. I've gone balls to the walls delusional on certain conspiracy theories, some that actually are out there, some that I've just made up in my head. People telling me I was wrong was like them trying to tell me the grass outside was red. Mine was directly related to other mental health issues, his may be or may not be but it doesn't sound like he's going to be willing to think that may be a possibility so you may just have to cut your losses I'm afraid.

I missed spodocomodo’s post but the cherry picking of lines to spread in their own chosen context is a very tiresome tactic; unfortunately fuelled by the way media works. It’s a good example of why it works so well no matter who is using it it for what purpose.

I’m in the same position as you op albeit a little further along in that we have agreed to disagree for the sake of keeping harmony in the household (we have two small children otherwise I would have been out that door months ago).

we have managed to maintain some normality by him no longer talking about his ‘beliefs’ so I’m not quite up to speed with where he is but I know he’s obsessed with Donald trump and we still get the occasional bar of silver delivered - he’s using his own money thankfully.

no advice but solidarity - there are more of us going through it than you realise which is quite scary.

im working on leaving him fully in the next few months, I’m putting it off because, like you, I love him and miss the man I fell in love with but I know deep down that he’s gone and I refuse to spend any energy trying to get him back as I know the chances of doing that are slim and my children are going to need me more than ever as they get older, I’m terrified of him trying to convert them and I lose them as well.

I suggest you coming to terms with having a different future to the one you planned and getting your ducks in a row.

"I don't think he would agree to counselling because he is so adamant that he is right."

"I'm even starting to question myself."

That's where gaslighting begins...

It sounds like you need to extract yourself.

I'd let him take more in crypto!

Pp have mentioned podcasts which cover how people get out of this mindset.

I'm not going to put time into it but I am curious what helps people get out.

I think my friend was a racist all along which tbh I should have spotted but

I had the old trope in my head that she wouldn't be friends with me if she was racist.

@Towcat15 you're so brave! Good luck with all your plans, you're doing the right thing

If he was genuinely suffering from the sort of paranoia caused by a psychotic illness it is very, very unlikely he would be able to conceal this from others or prevent it from interfering with his work.

This is very true.

He doesnt quite meet the criteria just going from the OP, he needs to have the means (he is collecting knives but thats quite a stretch), the motivation (he might be seen to have this but he hasnt said that he wants to kill or end things), have the beliefs (he hasnt specifically said that he believes that peoples lives should be ended), so capability, means and engagement.

But its worth a go, I have worked with prevent for a number of children and have found them really helpful

To me this chap sounds unwell and rather obsessive. You're unlikely to be able to reason with him. Hysteria is like that as it discounts discordant information.

Spod has a very inflated idea of what Prince Charles and his crew are capable of.

They can’t even stop nutters climbing into the Queen’s properties when she is in residence, or get things like his teaching institute functioning properly. I doubt they are going to be able to organise a global revolution. 😂

OP, reading this I worry for you. As others have said, you can't 'save' him, if he doesn't want to be saved. So you need to focus on saving yourself.

He's currently stockpiling weapons and stealing thousands of pounds of your joint funds, money that you can't afford. What is he going to do next?

I know that you love 'him', but sadly the 'him' that you love isn't there any more. He's been inducted into a cult, and he's not coming back any time soon. There's a small chance that if you left, the shock might prompt him to re-think his views (though from what you've said, it's unlikely). But you continuing to live together as if nothing had changed and ignore/avoid talking about his conspiracy-theory views is certainly not going to lead to him changing his mind on anything.

I can hear how hard this is for you. But he is deranged and dangerous. Please leave - and make sure the police are aware of his weapons stash and mindset.

It's just possible that with professional help he could be de-programmed. But you're not a professional. You can't save him. Report him to the experts.