DH has completely changed

[GeorgiaDe]

My DH has completely altered his worldview/ opinion over the last few years. It was gradual, and only now am I coming to realise the full extent of it. We've been together for 15 years.

He believes in the great reset, believes there will be a nuclear war, covid is a hoax and the vaccines are killing people. He's stockpiled around £3k worth of food/ camping equipment/ knives. Our spare room is full of this stuff. He's also invested thousands into cryptocurrency.

He believes that inflation is all part of the "plan" and all the world leaders are "in on it" together.

I can't take it anymore. He disrespects my opinion by continuing to talk about it daily, even when I've expressed that I do not share the same opinion and don't want to argue about it. He tells me that "I will see when the time comes."

Every time there's news of a celebrity death/ unexplained death of a young person, he blames the covid vaccine. He threatened to leave me if I got it, although changed his mind when I made clear how serious I was.

Aibu to feel at the end of my tether? It's so draining.

I’m no psychiatrist, and I could well be wrong-but it sounds like he’s developed some kind of mental health disorder. Is he in his 30s?
you are absolutely not being unreasonable, but before you do anything drastic, consider the possibility that serving could be wrong.

He could just be being brainwashed by all the propaganda extremists online, but it could potentially be something much deeper that he has no control over

I was mates with a guy at work. Well, friendly at work, not really a proper mate but we'd chat every day, pop out to get lunch together etc.

After about a year of working together he told me he believed the world was flat and the moon landing was fake. He'd just been holding it back while he settled in because he knew how people reacted. Ended up distancing myself as once it was out the bag he wouldn't stop going on about all the conspiracy nonsense. Totally changed my view of him. He'd been so normal at first and was an ex forces guy who'd been stationed overseas. I mean, how couldn't he have seen the curvature of the earth while in a plane!

@PineapplePrincess
WHat would he do if you used the microwave or a non-stick pan? Would his head explode? Possibly not a bad outcome for you.

@GeorgiaDe you said ‘I think it was set off by the lockdown. He had to sell his business and wasn't used to being at home 24/7. But, surely that was the same for most of us? I'm still working from home now and haven't been drawn into this mindset.’

The key thing is that it has not been the same for everyone, the range of responses to external events & significant stressors, e.g. loss of his business & sudden isolation, have ricocheted through people’s lives tearing apart the everyday certainties that give structure to the sense of self. Some people for all their appearances of ‘normality’ are actually not as robust & resilient as they may seem.

I don’t know if your DH is having a MH crisis, would you consider consulting your GP because of the impact on your own health? I am sure that your situation is not unusual. You mentioned that his mother has some similar traits?

This is not my field so I’ll speak plainly, if your DH’s personality is not as you knew him & he cannot take steps - acknowledge the issue, get off social media, get help - to adjust/recalibrate his habits & thinking, then you cannot live with him any more otherwise he will grind you down. Just as an addict, alcoholic or gambler will put their wants over everything & everyone else, your DH’s convictions will do the same as it not about opinion, it is dogma.

@mathanxiety @Tinytinseltown & other posters have been succinct & helpful.

I agree having seen/lived something similar happen (not within the specific set of conspiracies mentioned, but other thought patterns). We all have our belief systems and whether others agree or not, it is not a daily manifestation as you said, his are; when the mind is balanced. If he has changed to the extent you suggest from when you first were together and now 15 years down the line, it could potentially be a form of a psychosis (of which there are several categories). Suggesting seeing someone isn't going to get results because his perception of reality is altered to the extent that you are the person who either can't see the true reality or everyone is wrong and it is very difficult. I wouldn't abandon him yet. But it may gain in disruption. My scenario ended in an involuntary admission (no violence, nothing like that) and it helped the person to function, but still not sure where the mind lies.

People saying he's right because of xyz are missing the point. It's not about who is right. It's about respect. Currently OP has none from her husband and that's a problem.

Two people having a different opinion isn't necessarily a problem. But having a completely opposing opinion can be because even if you both agreed to compromise by meeting in the middle, you'd both be so far removed from where you want to be that neither of you would be happy.

It's also problematic when one person doesn't respect the other person's opinion, which is what's happening here with your husband asserting his views over and over again in an attempt to bully you into agreeing with him or brainwash you into believing him.

It's so difficult to think clearly when you're in this situation.

Not being able to think clearly is a sign of emotional/psychological abuse. You're not being given any time to think, you're constantly bombarded with his viewpoint or worrying about his actions and how to handle things. 100% of your focus ends up being on him and not on what's best for you.

Yes, he's used joint money. Sometimes money we don't really have.

If he's getting you into debt, or spending significant amounts of joint money without discussing it and agreeing it with you, if he's refusing to be transparent about your joint cryptocurrency (and any other) assets and refusing you access to them then this is financial abuse. Especially if it's impacting on your quality of life and your well-being because you can't afford things you need or your own hobbies etc. He has no right to solely choose how to spend significant amounts of joint money. Is this part of why you're downsizing, to free up cash for cryptocurrency or to pay off debts he's run up? For a start all that food he's bought is wasted because it'll go out of date before it gets eaten especially if he's still adding to the stockpile.

The thing is he just comes across as so normal to everyone else.

This is also common in abusive relationships. Sometimes to the extent that if you do open up and tell people what's happening they don't believe you or think you must be mistaken or you're the crazy one etc, because they don't believe he could capable of doing what you've said.

It doesn't matter why someone is abusive, if they've no intention of changing or of getting help because they see no problem with how they're treating you, that's all the information you need. The only thing you can do is leave them to it and save yourself.

OP, you need to make the break now, before children tie you to him forever. Tin foil nuts who go down this rabbit hole generally don't come back out again. It becomes their identity. They love being part of a special group of those who 'know the truth' They get strength from those like them. He's not going to give that up.
It's a cult. He won't 'leave'. Please take care of yourself, you deserve so much more than this

Basic incompetence explains a lot of what happens in this country.
Anyone who's worked at any level of government or large organisation knows this to be true!

Op I would start building up your network of family and friends. Start meeting up without him. If he questions why tell him you are tired of his disrespectful attitude towards you and you need a break. Confide in a friend or family member, make them aware of what he is saying and doing. This will show you that the way things are are not acceptable.
I’d be very concerned that he died not voice these opinions to anyone else, why is that?
Why does he take this out on you and only you?
When he starts to bang in about this, leave the room, just go. If he follows you around the house leave, go for a walk.
Start to do things without him and if he doesn’t change you will have built up a support network who you can rely on if you break up with him.

@NeedAHoliday2021
🤣 totally agree! I've worked in senior roles within the Govt and there is no way on this earth that they could orchestrate anything of this nature! They are inept and disorganised and utterly useless. Can you really imagine that that is all a show??

Christ 😬

@Justanotherlurker you word it so much better than I did. It's the same as pre-Brexit, pre-general election, where any attempt at a what if? discussion was shut down if it didn't follow the remaining and Corbin Mumsnet user partyline. Very frustrating when you want a reasoned debate, but I'm assuming the calibre of Mumsnet users is declining.

@entropynow Have you evidence to disprove the Great Reset thing please, or just shutting down debate by being rude and patronising?

It sounds as though this is his way of trying to exert some control over his life which he feels he lost during lockdown (closing business etc).

I consider myself open minded and was initially hesitant to get the Covid vaccine. At the time they were released I was mentally unwell with post natal depression and was vulnerable. I had been locked in my house for too long and had some extreme anxiety symptoms from the isolation during my pregnancy. This led me to question every minutiae of my life, every decision was painful. I felt getting or not getting the vaccine was an element of my life I could control.

Now that I am well again and back in the real world I can appreciate that I had apocalyptic thinking. Apocalyptic thinking is SMALL thinking. It’s easy to imagine the worst. It’s harder to imagine multifaceted outcomes and the power and weight of good in the world.

If he is shouting and losing his cool at the presentation of differing opinions that is a warning sign imo. It shows that he has lost control and is more concerned with being right than being kind.

I also do believe this government is corrupt that is a separate issue. I also think the 24 hour news cycle has trained some people to have an unhealthy fixation on the external world.

I wish you the best Op. X

@StridTheKiller rather than derailing this thread I suggest you start your own and invite people to debate with you there.

this is what happened to me when I asked for support about my own ‘dp’ a while ago and it was a real pain trying to sift through the genuine advice and those arguing over who’s right and wrong.

op I hope you were able to gain some useful info on this thread at least. Good luck

It’s not up to that poster to disprove a batshit theory, it’s up to you to prove it. Which you won’t be able to do, because it’s borne from the deep paranoia of vulnerable (or more cynically, money and notoriety-seeking) minds populating QAnon, subreddits, YouTube and Facebook.

Occam's razor disproves the idea of a giant great reset that's been planned in secret and is designed to harm individuals.

The WEF is not a shadowy sinister organisation. It's describing the problems with current capitalism- which we can all see, right? - inequity, oil dependency, and the paticular way our overconsumption of resources and economic growth is now bumping against the boundaries of the ecosystems of the planet. They are taking responsibility as a membership organisation of the people who DO have power in the world to transparently discuss how we could run things differently. What's the problem with that? Why does anyone think it's being done secretly? What, in fact, should they do, if not that? There's no future for conventional economics.

Why shouldn't we own nothing and be happy? Better than owning a load of shite and being unhappy. I would invite conspiracy theorists to engage with the problems of the world and proffer solutions rather than hide from the problems by whining that the grown ups are corrupt.

Quite. It's like me saying "they have seahorses on saturn, disprove it if I'm wrong"

@entropynow It's incredibly crap to derail a thread from someone in an abusive relationship. Especially when it's more of the same as from her H.

It’s also interesting how limited traction some of the large, supra-national organisations actually have when it comes to change. Populations are incredibly resistant to change and only tend to adjust behaviour when their backs are against the wall, so to speak.

OP, it’s a fork in the path really.

Do you decide to try to help him through this maze? For example you could suggest he builds a weekend cabin somewhere and do the whole off grid pioneer prepper thing as an outlet for his anxieties. However I feel that would only feed the beast, as you would be in effect validating some dodgy ideas. It’s one thing having self-reliance and resilience as a hobby, linked to a love of slow living, the great outdoors and the wilderness, and maybe even helping your neighbours out with supplies if the weather turns bad and so on. It’s quite another looking over your shoulder the whole time in fear that a shadowy organisation is out to get you. That can never end well.

The alternative is to decide it is too sad and exhausting to continue in the relationship and aim for an amicable parting. I think that’s what you are basically saying is your preferred path on here, and it’s what a lot of MNetters are agreeing with. As I said, I love a bit of preparedness and quite a lot of the stuff gets used for various outdoorsy things anyway, but what he’s involved with us much darker. I couldn’t live with it and you don’t have to either. Move out and separate your finances while you still can.

Some very good friends of ours have sadly subscribed to this mindset.Trump is the answer to all problems (yeah right!) We are all being lied to ,Covid is just like the flu and Russian war is planned hmm... .Used to be able to have some nice OL discussions ,work and exchanging family news and so on.Now shut down if dont agree with them .Another friend (An older lady) has these views pushed on her by her Son, (who wont have the jab and has lost work through it).My view with our friends is that they live about1/2 mile from their nearest NDN ,have very little contact with the outside world and watch this "news" from You tube and so on .It clouds their mind and is almost like being in a Cult .

Mine's up in his man cave now listening to Neil Oliver. He's not Eve; had his breakfast yet!

It does sound like a cult.

i was amazed but perhaps not entirely surprised at the same time when I read how much money InfoWars had been making a day.

In my day job I have found that I can accelerate social media signups simply by being controversial and provocative online, almost to an alarming degree. It’s a disproportionately powerful communication tool.

You’re asking people to prove a negative?

Honestly this thread is moths to a flame.

Your DH is wise. You will thank him next year.