MIL & playing with GC

[JuneBee]

I know this is very petty of me but it really irritates me.

MIL has been to stay for a week.

She keeps complaining that my DC aren’t as interested in her. But she won’t get down on the floor and play with them because she keeps on about her back hurting or her leg hurting etc. but she does 4 days a week childcare for her other GC and I know she sits on the floor and plays with them.

So today when she said it again I asked well how does she do childcare without getting down to play with them and she’s gone off in a mood now. So now I’m in the bad books with her and DH.

Aibu?

Does your carpet need hoovering?

Op do you think at nursery or school a 2 and 4yo are sitting on the floor and all keyworkers spend their time only engaging in floor play? Don't be ridiculous, off course you don't have to play on the floor. You were very rude to your mil and should apologize.

I understand your MIL saying she needs a rest if looks after GC frequently - but then she can't complain if DC not interested in her! My MIL never got on the floor to play with my DC, rarely talks to them when we're visiting (are now teenagers but has been the same all their lives), never offered to read them a book / play a game / do any activity with them and if she does talk to them it's about something that interests her but not my DC. DM has significant health issues yet used to get on the floor with them when they were little (and then struggle onto her knees to get up), and has always talked to them, played games, read to them, asked them about their interests etc. MIL lives closer to her other GC so has always seen more of them, so understandable that she has a closer relationship with them, but I have never really got over the time we invited her to come to us for Easter and she said "no thank you, I would like to spend it with my GC", ie she doesn't even think of our DC as her GC. So I've given up trying to get her to interact with our DC and we don't see much of her - or if we do, we combine with visiting my SIL etc (ie her other GC) as it's a much more pleasant experience than just spending time with her!

Rude. Why should ppl get down on the floor?How would you feel if she hurt herself getting up?
Hope you apologise to her.

Good shout. Maybe your carpet is gross.

Are the other GC older? I'm younger than your mum, and struggle with getting up from sitting on the floor. I would have no problem sitting on the floor to play a game with slightly older children, but with a little one that might wander off and need retrieving, I would struggle, because I can't easily do the getting up bit.

I find it bloody hard to get up from the floor these days. 47, overweight with creaky knees. It's an argument for having kids younger I guess, though some older parents are very active and I wasn't in a position to have DC in my twenties. I wouldn't expect my DM to get on the floor!

MIL doesn't have to get on the floor if she doesn't want To.

But I'd be annoyed to if someone kept batching about setting and doing nothing about it.

Never ever would expect my parents on the flood with my kid 🙄it literally never happened. That's totally unreasonable to expect of a grandparent. My ex-MIL has raised for kids of her own and a huge number of grandkids (including my own) and I have never seen her sat on the floor with them! Wtf? That's some crazy expectations. You can play with kids whilst sitting on a chair or sofa

My nana was in her 60s and my grandpa in his 70s when I was born. There was no way they could get on the floor with me.
Still, they lavished attention on me and I always felt very much loved by them.
Isn’t that what matters?
And now I miss my grandparents.

four*

So why isn't she? She can stop moaning and actually engage with the kids.

This ^

My parents never got on the floor and I wouldn’t have expected them to. My children (young adults now) adore them and are still close and visit them all the time. Floor play is not essential for a close bond.

Op I hope you don’t have back and knee problems when you’re older - and also your DIL doesn’t right you off.

How old is she OP?

I’m so surprised at people saying they don’t play on the floor with their own children??

There are chairs and sofas. Why would you sit on the floor 🤷‍♀️

I'm sure my parents never played on the floor with me or my brother and we are both extremely close with our parents. I really don't think floor playing makes any difference

@Foxglovers I completely agree!

I will get down to their level and join them in whatever they are doing. Rolling on the play mat or building tower with blokes!
All of my children's GP will get on the floor to play and be engaging.

I understand if people say they don't want to sit on the floor or can't, the point is that she plays on the floor with other children. Odd that she won't now?

I was gonna say…I don’t remember my mum ever getting on the floor with me…or even ‘playing’ with me for that matter. She was a wonderful, supportive, encouraging mum…and she didn’t need to build Lego on the floor for me to know I was loved.

This getting down to their level to play is great if you want to. It’s not bloody compulsory.

This is a game of two halves for me.

No, you're not BU in terms of thinking the reason they're not engaging with her is because she doesn't want to play the games that they want to play. She's the adult, if she wants them to engage with her she can facilitate / encourage that.

However, you are BU for expecting her to do it, and you're DEFINITELY BU for voicing it to her. I wouldn't speak to my MIL like that. I'd think it then say it privately to my husband. I think it's a bit spiteful to openly say that to her, but then it's very clear that you're harbouring some resentment that she does childcare for the other GC but not for yours.

Generally i would expect a baby and 2yo to be playing on the floor, a 4yo could do some table based activity, puzzles games drawing etc, but I appreciate not all are into that, it is something you could encourage as a special thing with the older child. Maybe get a little table and chairs. I havexalways played on the floor (parents included) but we also all sit at the child table and chairs. It's unreasonable yo expect any real playing from a baby unless you do things with them, interaction on the other hand is perfectly do able if they sit with her. It depends what she does with them. Does she read to them for example, make up stories, enact tings with soft toys? These can be done in an atm chair while they sit with her. Take the other toys away.. it just depends what effort she makes

My MIL is sort of like this. Expects the kids ;6 and 4) to just automatically adore her. Whines when she doesn’t see them and goes on and on about how she’s excited to see them (posting about on social media etc) and then time come, literally does nothing with them.

My favourite complaint is “DGS4 is not interested in talking to me”. He’s 4. He’s not interested in having conversations with anyone. He wants to play and you don’t want to actually make an effort, so he has zero interest in you.

He really wanted to play a board game with someone recently (doesn’t know the rules, just likes rolling and dice and moving around the board) so she grudgingly agreed, and then enforced board game rules on him and was surprised when he got upset 😂 (and before the MN brigade jump on me; he’s 4, I think it’s fine he doesn’t abide by monopoly rules just yet)

It's not about the floor. This is about a broken bond between your MIL and your children.

If you want a child to take interest in you, you have to interact in a special way. Make the child feel special. The child won't care where you are sitting, they will run to you with their toys.

OP you have played this all wrong. If you had stayed quiet then your MIL would be firmly in the wrong but now you've made it look like you're the issue when really it's her lack of effort with your children. As a PP said, children can pick up on these things.

“Maybe ask her or your husband to explain why that is?”

it’s fuck all responsibility of hers to respond to your interrogation!

How do you know that she gets down on the floor with the other grandkids, OP?

But yes, she needs to engage with yours one way or another if she wants something back.

I don't think you were rude at all, if she doesn't get on the floor with the other GC she'd have said that when you asked her. And then you would have looked unreasonable. The fact she went off in a mood means you were right and she knows it.

Agree though that the floor is a red herring and that what she wants is a relationship of probably similar closeness as what she has with the other GC without having put the same amount of work in. If she does childcare for the others then they know her just by volume of interaction, and yours maybe don't know her as well, and so maybe aren't as fussed about spending time with her?

Anyway people moaning about shit like that really annoy me. Instead of 'your kids aren't interested in me' she should have said 'any ideas for what I can do with GC this afternoon? My leg hurts so I can't do much on the floor, would they like storytime on the sofa at some point?' Why can't she make some suggestions and not just moan.