MIL & playing with GC

[JuneBee]

I know this is very petty of me but it really irritates me.

MIL has been to stay for a week.

She keeps complaining that my DC aren’t as interested in her. But she won’t get down on the floor and play with them because she keeps on about her back hurting or her leg hurting etc. but she does 4 days a week childcare for her other GC and I know she sits on the floor and plays with them.

So today when she said it again I asked well how does she do childcare without getting down to play with them and she’s gone off in a mood now. So now I’m in the bad books with her and DH.

Aibu?

This probably has nothing to do with sitting on the floor and everything to do with your MIL being offended that your kids don’t want to play with her. Kids can sense that neediness from a mile off and turn away from it because at that age they need adults who nurture them, not adults who need stuff (eg an ego boost) from them. I imagine that might be why you’re feeling cross with her too and have taken it out via the floor vs not floor argument rather than pointing out the actual issue.

@PhatPaws But the youngest needs to be followed around or she might trip or try and climb etc. Not sure me just sat on the sofa watching her play would be very stimulating for her.

@Rowen32 Glad I’m not the only one who was surprised by that! Even my friends without children sit on the floor with the toys when they visit.

You don't have to sit on the floor with them to do childcare-what an odd thing to say!

Although she could surely have asked if there was something she could do at the table with them?

Or maybe her son could have offered to set something up so that she could engage with them ?

Nah I never played with dolls houses or any type of imaginative play bar pretend to drink cups of tea or eat plastic food.

Did and still do loads with my dc (now teens so it's surfing and paddle boarding rather than the park) without getting on the floor with them. Apart from the wooden trainset they had or marble runs. I loved making elaborate sets of those. You don't have to play on the floor with dc to be interested in them or engage.

My DMum never got on the floor with her DGCs because she was a lot older than 58 and very arthritic. She still played with then a lot, but not on the floor, she read to them and baked with them. They had a great relationship and were very sad when she died. Other GPs made no effort at all, ever, and the DCs were unsurprisingly not bothered about them.
Is it that MIL makes no effort but expects the DCs to fawn all over her?

Could they not do arts and crafts/colouring or something that could be easily set up on a table? Like a puzzle/board game. Most things don't have to be done on the floor.

My youngest doesn’t have the concentration to sit on a chair for longer than a minute! So need to sit on the floor with them so they can potter about for a minute then they come back and we carry on the puzzle etc.

Right but OP's MiL is the one moaning about lack of engagement. She's had (at least) 2 children of her own, and cares for her other grandchildren, it's not like she's unaware of ways to engage young children. Instead of making any effort she's just moaning that they aren't interested in her.

The floor issue is a red herring that everyone is focusing on rather than the actual problem.

My ex used to do this with our two, he'd whinge and whine that they weren't interested in him, yet he made zero effort to engage with them.

@Unicorn717 any two youngest don’t have the concentration span for board games.

I mean, I was great with art stuff, outdoor activities, trips out, baking, reading stories, playgroups, music groups, gardening, singing songs and all that sort of thing…but the brrmm brrmm of the toy cars on the floor, nah. The clip clop of the plastic animals along the carpet, ugh.
Dolls houses…boring as shit.
We all have our dislikes and floor play was mine.

So?

Sounds more like you expect people to babysit your kids when they're round 🥱.

You were rude. She doesn't have to get on the floor fgs.

I wouldn't want to sit on the floor either tbh. I'm a dgm

How about reading to them instead

I wouldn’t. I’ve no interest in it and I’d rather talk to you.

No it doesn’t sound like that at all. She does no childcare for us, but does for the other GC.

You were so so rude to your MIL!! How horrible. My dad has a wonderful relationship with my 3 year old, he can’t get on the floor as quite old and has very bad knees. They still have lots of fun.

Adults in my family never get on the floor to play with children, we do things at tables, or sitting on the couch, or outdoors. It's not a mark of how involved someone is with children if they are or aren't willing to sit on the floor. I wouldn't expect any adult to play with a dollhouse with a child, and most toys, games, jigsaws etc can obviously be done at a table or sitting comfortably. She shouldn't have to justify or give an excuse for why she doesn't want to sit on the floor.

In MN world grandparents are not supposed to put themselves out for grandchildren. I think this is absolutely rubbish! My husband and I are quite a lot older than OP’s MIL. We do childcare 2 days a week plus extra bits. Of course we both get down on the floor to play with our grandkids who are similar ages to OP’s. I also have to say that sitting down on easy chairs all day is the worse thing for your back and legs.

I think the issue is OPs resentment (understandably) that her MIL does so much for her other dgc rather than floor play. You're right that the floor play is the red herring @RocketsMagnificent7

Also (whether it's personal or not) it does seem to me the type of people that like floor play with their dc judge others for not doing it - that's from countless MN threads over the years!

I wouldn't expect anyone who came round my house to sit on the floor and play with my kids. But if she's moaning about them not bothering with her surely there's other things that could be done? Is there a park or something close to your house she could take them to? That way they're all involved.

Lol my MIL used to make snippy wee comments about me not sitting on the floor with DD. I did, just not with company usually and I couldn’t for long due to horrendous back pain during and after pregnancy. I think you are being a bit uptight about physically sitting on floor but there are other ways to interact. My brothers MIL used to do the same thing. Ignore the children and not play interactively (she was very overweight so sitting on the floor was very difficult for her) but she made no other effort then get upset when her grandkids walked past her and brought thier toys to show me…the cool aunt (who didn’t go on floor either) 😂😎

I'm 7 years younger and very rarely sit on the floor as I struggle to get back up 😂

How does she think a 10 month old baby, 2 year old, and 4 year old should be interacting with her?

Maybe she finds it easier to get off the floor at home - some furniture is easier to pull up on than others. Maybe she doesn't enjoy it with the other gc but has to because she is in sole charge. It depends how much you want her to bond with the gc.