MIL & playing with GC

[JuneBee]

I know this is very petty of me but it really irritates me.

MIL has been to stay for a week.

She keeps complaining that my DC aren’t as interested in her. But she won’t get down on the floor and play with them because she keeps on about her back hurting or her leg hurting etc. but she does 4 days a week childcare for her other GC and I know she sits on the floor and plays with them.

So today when she said it again I asked well how does she do childcare without getting down to play with them and she’s gone off in a mood now. So now I’m in the bad books with her and DH.

Aibu?

She does no childcare for us, but does for the other GC.

Does she live close enough to do childcare?

What does your husband think about that?

I can't get down on the floor to play with dgs. I have arthritic knees and a dodgy leg following an accident several years ago. Either of these conditions would be enough to prevent floor play for me. Doesn't stop me playing with dgs in other ways - toys/games on a table, reading a book together, having a cuddle are all enjoyable. When dgs was younger, rolling a ball to each other was great fun.
I sincerely hope that you are one of the lucky ones who don't suffer with joint issues as you get older, but I Al's hope that if tou do have problems, any future DIL you have, show more understanding towards you, than you appear to have for your MIL.

YABU
She can’t help it if her back or leg is hurting and she’s not able to sit on the floor at the moment.

Could it be that sitting on/ getting up from the floor is actually easier at the other gc's house; i.e. there is a convenient piece of furniture nearby that she can use to help her get up and down?

In any case, there are plenty of things that can be done without getting on the floor. Just being an appreciative audience can be very popular with children!

Is she saying that the children aren't interested in her in response to your pressing her to do more; or is she continually spontaneously moaning about it? If the latter, then that, rather than the floor thing, may be interfering with her establishing a good relationship with the children. Too much 'pushiness' by adults toward children is often counterproductive.

But please don't challenge her about the floor thing. People are often sensitive abourt their age-related infirmities, and I'm not that surprised that she got moody,

Could it be that sitting on/ getting up from the floor is actually easier at the other gc's house; i.e. there is a convenient piece of furniture nearby that she can use to help her get up and down?

I suspect this is a big part of things.

I’m a very hands on Grandma to my 8 grandchildren, 3 of whom are currently tucked up in my bed fast asleep. They’re welcome to anything I have and when tomorrow comes we’ll have great fun together but a problem with my knees and my arm means if I got down on the floor with them I’d never be able to get myself up.

What??? My grandmother never got on the floor to play with me! What nonsense is all this? What an entitled ridiculous person you are. I feel sorry for your MIL!

Did your grandma moan about you not being bothered with her or did she actively try to engage with you in other ways?

So many people missing the point and focusing on the floor.

Why?? It’s a perfectly legitimate question

You weren’t very nice to your MIL, how would you feel if the roles were different and your DH spoke to your mother that way. As for getting on the floor I’m 51 and I’ve always sat on the floor to wrap Christmas gifts but the last couple of years it’s become more difficult (I’m size 10) my leg might go to sleep or my back hurts so I don’t really blame her for not wanting to get down there.

You sound unkind.
Dolls house - on the table
Jigsaws - on the table / coffee table
Teaparry - on the table .
Bubbles on the sofa or garden chair
Peekaboo - sofa or bed
Dolly's - sofa or bed
Colouring - at the table
Paints - at the table
I don't play on the floor.

Yabvvvvvu

I'm 56. I have a long term arm injury (metal plates in it) and my knees are not great.

I wouldn't get down on the floor to play. It would be extremely difficult to get up again.

I used to occasionally get down when my own children were babies, but that was well over 20 years ago now and things were different then. Easier. There are many reasons for that.

I think you were extremely rude and need to apologise. I get your frustration about her looking after her other grandchild but how do you know that she isn't finding it exhausting and physically challenging?

You can't expect her to get down on the floor. Use your imagination and find ways to let her play with them without that malarkey. At the table perhaps. Sitting on the sofa reading a story. Playing I Spy.

Telling her that she must play with them in a way she finds physically difficult and uncomfortable is very unkind and shows a total lack of thought and empathy on your part. I'm not surprised you find yourself in the doghouse.

You were somewhat rude.
But I suspect the other GC are her DD DC??
I also suspect this observation about sitting in the floor is the tip of a favouritism iceberg.

Wait until you get to the same age as your MIL. You will find that back ache, leg ache and lots of other aches come with increasing age. I love seeing my grandchildren but they know I'm not going to run races with them. And if I get on the floor then I need another three people to help me back up again.

58 is def old enough to have back/leg pain and find it a struggle to get down the floor so yabu. How do you know for fact what she does with other gc? I take it you've seen her do that very recently for extended periods of time? Perhaps her doing that is her way of now knowing she's not up to it? Loads of things you can do to play with kids without sitting on the floor ffs. My nannies never played with me on the floor either I never noticed or felt hard done by I love both of them to death and always have done, I couldn't ask for lovelier nannies either now or then.

I have rarely sat on floor to play with my DD, everything gets moved to dining room table or even the coffee table, even things like a dolls house, however the dolls house (and similar toys) is for DD to play with on her own usually.

Exactly there are loads of things she can be doing, instead she's simply moaning about the fact her grandchildren aren't interested in her.

@RocketsMagnificent7 Exactly! I only snapped and said that because it’s like she’s criticising my DC for not playing with her when she just sits on the sofa.

Anyway, DH has been to speak with her again and she is saying that she does lots for the “family” by looking after the other GC and that she should be allowed to have a rest.

She can't expect a "rest" and a close bond with babies/toddlers.... who will be bored by her just sitting on her arse.
I have a MIL like this you have my sympathy OP. Nothing you do will be good enough. Stop trying and let your DH take over.

I'm with you OP, my boy has just turned one and I'm constantly on the floor. He just doesn't engage very well when not on floor play. He certainly wouldn't want to sit and watch tv with his gran, well maybe for 2 mins but that would be it.

Is she trying to interact with them in other ways or not? If she's generally not engaging with them then YANBU. If she's trying other things and just not getting on the floor then YABU.

I do play on the floor with my children, among many other activities, but it isn't some sort of gold standard way to interact with children. My mum, who cares for them once a fortnight and they absolutely adore, doesn't sit on a floor, ever, because she can't and it is not an issue at all. I didn't sit on the floor for about 4 months when I had bad SPD when pregnant with DC2 and DC1 was just turned two and it was a pain but really not impossible to work around.

You don’t like her much and were really rude. I suspect that your dc pick up on your attitude towards her.

Anyone else would be open to encouraging other ways to build their relationship.

How horrible. There are ways of phrasing it like "what works well for you when you look after x and y, we could try that?"

To be honest though I only really remember doing cooking with one and the other letting me 'play hairdressers' with her which basically consisted of her very patiently allowing me to put her hair in all sorts of weird and wonderful styles after no doubt a very rough brush through. Majority of the time in both houses the children were expected to entertain themselves. I've always had a very strong bond with both though it probably helped there was never any disrespect or dislike coming from either of my parents towards them.