I really liked my neighbour until she said this

[neighbourhoodwatch]

I've recently moved to a new area and was talking to my neighbour, who I really like.

Somehow the conversation went to GPs and how you can never get appointments and basically have to beg to be seen nowadays.

She was saying how it didn't used for be that way... before...

She then went on to say that it's because of all the immigrants that have come into this country and how our country is too small to hold all these people.

She also talked about the illegals coming in on boats etc and how terrible it is.

I am immigrant. I didn't come on a boat and I have a good job etc. But essentially I came to this country. I've never claimed benefits or anything like that. I'm on a high salary etc and studied here etc etc. So, I'm well established. Essentially whenever people say stuff like that, alarm bells start ringing for me.

Am I seeing it too black and white ? It's just difficult when someone says stuff like this to someone who also came here..... as an immigrant...

I lived in the USA for a few years and a neighbour had a similar rant to me while I was there. I quietly said - well I’m an immigrant. They backtracked rapidly saying, oh, well we didn’t mean people like you! I assumed they meant because I’m white and a native English speaker. I raised a eyebrow and looked at them, saying nothing. The conversation stuttered and ended and we avoided each other after that.

You’re luckier than billions of people right now.

There’s a famine in Somalia right now for example.

The wool has been pulled off your eyes.
She's not as nice as you thought.

Either change the subject or steer her away from it in future, or, if you're feeling brave, point out to her that you too are an immigrant and her words make you feel differently about your host country.

I wouldn't want to be friends with her either and I'm British for several generations. She's an ignorant racist.

People coming from Ukraine aren’t migrants, they’re refugees.

It's the 'oh, I don't mean YOU' attitude. I get it all the time (not an immigrant, but a single mother on UC). Widesweeping statements based on absolutely nothing, and when I say to the (thankfully few) friends I have who spout nonsense like this, their response is always 'oh not you, obviously, I don't mean YOU.'

It's horrible, and impossible not to feel like they are attacking you personally. My response now is to say 'So who do you mean then? Because you are describing me. I am that person.'
I think a lot of Tory Brexiters have a severe disconnect between what they read, and who they know.

Does she really like you too? If so, I’d see this as an opportunity to educate her. To talk about your own experiences. To help her see that immigration isn’t just what she reads about in the daily mail.

My FIL was quite sexist many moons ago when I met him. Senior partner of large law firm. Would regularly tell me how he’d never hire a woman of child baring age. I gently and persuasively changed his mind over the years through him getting to know me as a child baring age person who managed to have a successful career.

Another example is my grandmother-in-law. In her elderly years had a neighbour of a traditionally opposing religion move next door. They became the best of friends in their final 5 years or so. She told me how she regretted being brought up to believe and spent most of her life believing that people of that religion were bad.

if you like this person and they like you, maybe don’t write her off because of her ignorance. Maybe try to show her the light?

She’s been clumsy in how she’s worded it, but it’s true that our country is way over populated, impacting on housing, schools and the NHS. Can’t see what’s wrong with stating the obvious……

Yanbu.

There is a higher proportion of immigrant staff amongst the NHS than immigrant patients. So the waits would be longer without immigration. She's an idiot as well as a racist.

Immigration doesn’t affect our population as much as increased life expectancy does. And yet people are always quick to blame “illegals” rather than the elderly 🤔

I am sorry if this offends you OP but I fully support everything your neighbour said to you.

“Sorry OP but I’m also xenophobic”

keep things superficial - polite but keep distance

it’s a huge mistake to fall out with a neighbour as you’re relatively stuck there

i wouldn’t air political views with a neighbour

mine was virtually dancing in the street after brexit saying our country now belonged to us again after the brexit vote - I just said something like uh-huh.

Nope, YANBU at all.

She's a twat.

If it's any consolation, my neighbours blame literally everything on 'Romanians' and once put an alert out on the village whatsapp group because they'd seen a car of 'blacks wearing hoodies' driving through the village.

Probs best to swerve her from now on, OP!

Yanbu

The NHS depends on immigrant labour as do many of our critical sectors.

I'm the daughter of an immigrant and a single parent but on paper I'm the "right kind of immigrant and single parent " so some people forget and do the obligatory "but I don't mean YOU"

To make life simple I'd do nothing more than wave in future so I didn't have to declare any neighbour disputes when I sold my house. (It's not a dispute now but I wouldn't want things to escalate)

She might well be nice on the surface, but I'd advise you to keep your relationship civil and surface too and keep conversations to a minimum, because people like that can sometimes catch you on a good day and spout their xenophobia/racism and kind of ruin it.

I am a non-white, second generation immigrant and one of our neighbours an elderly couple used to babysit us occasionally in their home, or pop round ours for a cuppa.

However, they also had a dark side which came out. Once the man thought we were making too much noise (in our house) and he shouted 'shut up you racial slur ' through the paper thin walls... and then must have felt bad because then he knocked on our door later with ice-cream from the van.

As kids we found the mood change hilarious but it was really bad looking back on it. There was another racist incident too, where the woman fell out with my mum over something trivial and they put a letter through the door which I caught a glimpse of...and to this day I remember one line ' there is more stigma to being coloured than to being elderly'. They were essentially saying - we're better than you!

Racism doesn't necessarily mean you hate someone of another race, it's more an underpinning belief that you're superior and if things turn sour they will use your background as an insult. That is why people like that can be friendly with their immigrant and/ or non-white neighbour but still deep down be racist/xenophobic.

Yep, I’d go right off her too.

It's really odd that she said all this to you and did not realise you are an immigrant yourself.

Where have you immigrated from OP?

Uncontrolled immigration is bad for everyone, you as an immigrant included. The NHS is buckling as are other things. The native populace has remained roughly the same for a long time - so it seems the infrastructures cannot cope with what we are doing. The people need to be able to speak about what is happening around them. These can be horrible and difficult convos but they need having. Even if just to help people with inaccuracies vs reality. As some things are valid and others are racial issues. This country's denial will begin to impact you too.

I am immigrant. I didn't come on a boat and I have a good job etc. But essentially I came to this country. I've never claimed benefits or anything like that. I'm on a high salary etc and studied here etc etc.

why do you consider any of this information to be relevant?
You could have just stuck with ‘I am immigrant’ why didn’t you?

She is an idiot - the NHS wouldn't function at all without 'immigrant' medical staff.

YANBU. I may be a bit provocative but I’d be disinclined to let this lie. In my vicarious life, I’d invite her in for tea and serve the most delicious dish from your home country, and say ‘you know, I was very shocked when you said xxx knowing that I am an immigrant’ and I’d be willing her to choke on a crumb.

Where the hell would the NHS even be without all the immigrants???!!! If they all left the NHS would collapse.

the NHS wouldn't function at all without 'immigrant' medical staff.

Indeed. I wonder how many immigrant medical staff are propping up the NHS by crossing the channel via illegal means/people smugglers. From what I know, the people who enter the UK that way are limited in their employment opportunities.