Dh thinks I should call in sick

[ShittyCar]

Dh alcoholic
Has a detox "booked" provisionally in a couple of weeks, but as it is at home, I need to be there.

Background: police involved, he is verbally abusive when drunk, social visit on Monday and I cannot decide whether to disclose everything. Have told police already not to do a non mol as he was so angry about being arrested last time (no charges, but spent 24 hes in a cell)

So, cannot get the week off. Have asked for leave, denied as no cover due to no other managers. (Simplified version)

Dh says I am not being supportive and should call sick. I say this will risk a disciplinary and possibly my job.

Yabu : call sick, show more support
Yanbu: dont risk your job as you are the only one currently working and we are already in debt.

Yanbu...he sounds very selfish tbh. You are a stronger women than me as I wouldn't have stuck around.

Good luck to you both.

YANBU

He however, sounds like a dick who won't take any responsibility for himself

Yanbu

Of course you shouldn't risk your job! He is being massively unreasonable.

If you've already asked and been refused annual leave then phoning in sick is potentially going to get you into real bother. I wouldn't risk it, not when yours is the only income

Don't you dare ring in sick.

And please, please think long and hard about leaving this man. He's horrendous.

He needs to take some responsibility!

No. Don't call in sick.
Yes. Do disclose everything.

Can you go to a hotel for the week so you can just work in peace around his drama? Are there children involved?

Absolutely don’t risk your job, I am sure you have sacrificed enough being with an alcoholic . I wouldn’t have stuck around this long personally - can’t believe he has the guts to be angry at you..

What are you thinking of not telling? And why?

Definitely don't risk your job: to be blunt, what happens if he ends up in prison, or you finally reach the end of your tether and kick him out
You will need your job.

"Not being supportive"?

What does he do to support you, just out of interest?

YANBU, btw.

No you can't ring in sick when you've already asked for leave and been refused.

Is this home detox definitely booked? It does place a significant responsibility on you. Can he not do an inpatient detox?

Allow him to take full responsibility and deal with the consequences himself.

No. Please don’t call in sick. And please really consider if you want to stay with this man. You don’t deserve to live like this

YANBU

You can still have a full time job and be supportive. He sounds really selfish. If he is in desperate need of 24/7 care and support then he needs to be in an inpatient unit.

Sorry, I see it's provisionally booked. I still don't think you should be expected to support the procedure at home.

Don't call in sick. You need your job for when you're ready to leave that knob.

With his attitude, I highly doubt this detox will be successful. He clearly is on the blame game.

What will you do if it isn't successful?

Do not risk your job under any circumstances. You will need it when you finally wake up, smell the coffee and leave this prince among men to it.

Why did you say no to the non molestation order? Are you scared of him and worried he will retaliate agaist you?

If so you must know the relationship is over and you need to make plans to safely leave. And keeping your job is part of that.

Sorry you are going through such a difficult time.

Don’t risk your job. Your job is your safety net! Don’t hide anything from social services either, ESPECIALLY if there are children in the house.

How does a home detox work? Surely someone other than the person detoxing needs to be there?

Obviously I'm not saying that you should risk your job, but if you or someone else can't monitor him, why has he been given this option?

He is already putting responsibility for his alcoholism onto you. The detox won't work whether you are there or not because he has to take responsibility.

Do not phone in sick. You may need that job if you need to make a go of things on your own in the future.

So I cannot leave due to finances. I literally cannot support rent and three kids in my wage. He was working but got signed off at the start of the year. February maybe? His pay cuts to half as of this month. The mortgage sent us into overdraft this month. He bought a car (despite not being supposed to drive) that caused this issue. He hasnt yet sold his other car.
When he was arrested last time he stayed in a hotel and that is a cost we cannot sustain. He blames me for him being arrested and is very very bitter and angry about it. Hence if I went for a non mol he would be even angrier, plusnwhere would he go and not get us further into debt.
Yes the relationship.is pretty much over,but see above. We haven't had sex in years for example.
Re disclosure, he calls me nasty names, constantly tells me to fuck off, has threatened twice to smash my face in and once my car. Has threatened to take away my youngest. Quit work as its "my turn to support the family" even though i cannot afford it and he knows this, and brings up gifts he has given me in the past at me as an example of how he gives me more. They were gifts I have never asked for! Calls my job a shitty little job. This is one where I have been just over two years already promoted and receive awards (ok but its shit pay but I love it) I have always worked btw, evenings when we agreed to for me to stay home with the kids, but now he says he brought in all the income. (I got paid a third of what he did, not the 95% he claims) he has threatened to leave and take 80% of everything. Inahve consulted a lawyer and knownthisnisnt gonna happen btw.
When we had an argument once he was back, unsaid itnwas over, we were separating etc and went out. This will link other threads but he then called the cops on me as I wasnt answering my phone as I wanted space, and disclosed then that he hadnt threatened me the night before. That's where the non mol convo came from.