Sister threw DS out of the photo

[HellMc]

My DS (10) has always pulled silly faces in photos, he’s done it since he was a toddler. We tried getting him to stop but it’s like he can’t help himself so we just got on with it. We assumed if we didn’t make a fuss out of it he’s grow out of it but he didn’t. All of his school photos have silly faces etc and now we just laugh. The only photos we have of him not doing a silly face are the natural ones he didn’t know we were taking.

Anyway yesterday me, DS, sister, her kids and my other sisters son went on a day out a national heritage site. Sister wanted a group photo of all the kids so they all stood together in front of the ruins. Sister then said to DS “either stop pulling faces or stand over there out of the photo” 😱 it came as a shock as everyone was laughing at him initially and then she suddenly got mad. I told her I thought she was being a bit harsh and she said “sorry but I’ve been trying to take a nice photo of them all all day for mum and he’s ruined every one so far”.

I told DS to just this once not pull a face but he continued doing so so sister told him to get out of shot. She then took the photo of the other kids and said “there, finally mum will have a photo for her wall”.

so I said mum would want all the kids together so she said “actually, mum told me to take the pic without your ds if he insisted on pulling a face, she was annoyed with the last lot of photos I took her because he’d ruined them all.

I feel hurt, not just about my sister but also what my mum (his grandma!) has clearly been saying!!

AIBu to feel hurt at DS being excluded from a family photo that is destined for my mums wall??

@MyrtlethePurpleTurtle ’overindulged brat’ Jesus, he pulls faces in photos. Mumsnet is so tense.

Oh and all these comments about driving licenses and wedding photos are absolutely ridiculous. He's still a child.

Of course ten year olds are silly. It’s the parent’s job to teach them to know when to pack it in. OP has given us two examples of when a family member has tried to do this with her DS (DH with the passport photos in Asda and the sister today) and on both occasions she has got upset with the adult rather than actually address the issue.

This said it so much better than I could. I totally agree. I read this thread and it is so depressing. Poster after poster slamming this young boy and his mother. It is bullying and it is awful. Op if you are still reading please don't take this all to heart.

When I look back on old family photos, of loved ones who are no longer here - if someone asked me if I would prefer a photo of them pulling a silly face or no photo of them at all, well the answer is easy. Accept people for who they are.

My thoughts are he will grow out of it, probably at the time when he becomes more aware of how he looks.

He sounds like a brat, at 10 he knows what he's doing, she's been polite if this is the first time she's done this. My 4 year old does this and I say either smile or get out the picture, once is funny, every picture, get out the shot!!! A 10 year old should know better, he clearly sees you laughing so does it more, tell him to get out the way or take away treats and he might stop.

OP this face pulling will not seem so funny when you are looking back at family photos and thats all you see or photos without him in it.It will become very distressing for you and his father ,its really not funny.might have been cute once but not now,not for the extended family either who i am sure would love some gorgeous family pictures to show off and enjoy Pull him into line and make him behave,

Do you want every member of school staff and teachers to have this as their first impression of him? Because that is what will happen if he is similarly jokey in his Y7 picture.

He's 10! - and you have spent all these years laughing at him when he does it, so have provided him with a reward. No wonder he goes on doing it.

I do not blame your sister for booting him out of the pic. The family must all be heartily pissed off with him.

Yeah pull him into line and make him behave. That'll bring back warm memories when you're old and grey

I never suggest this because I am American and we are such savages, but if bollocking means a swat or two on his rump, you are so right. Not a beating or a bruising, just getting attention from the other end, since the top end clearly isn't listening.

She didn’t post for advice. She posted for validation of her annoyance with her sister and mother. Nowhere does she ask for advice.

But thats not really what you said, you’ve written him off as a ‘silly child’ and it’s in keeping with the cruel name calling seen elsewhere on this thread. I’m shocked to read it from a group of adults to be honest.

OP in years to come this will seem like nothing despite what others may say.

@ludocris I agree comments about driving licences etc are a bit premature.

But, certainly at the secondary school my DS goes to, there are often photos for the press or for the website/literature of the kids.

We have things like kids showing off the food they made in a cookery lesson, sporting achievements, presentations they did, awards they received, even library/department events they attended (like author visits or craft days) via the school's social media too. It's advertising for the school and won't use one of a gurning kid showing off their scones or holding up their certificate for maths or whatever. They want kids who make the school look good in the press or on the website. Not photogenic but bog standard kids who can hold a normal pose.

And he's 10 years old. So only a year to start to get this under control or he'll be asked to 'step aside' on many more photographs throughout the year.

Every parent I know has put up a link to the newspaper or to the website on their social media at some time or other with a 'look, DS/DD got a mention ... and a photograph - so proud'.

Parents like to be able to say 'look what my kid has achieved' and a photo is a lovely way to remember that. It'd be a shame if he got all these things but wasn't included in photographs for him and the family to treasure as proof because he couldn't get to grips with having a photograph taken.

OP, he could try the trick my ex used to use if he had someone he wanted to photograph more naturally. Get him to look down and on a 1,2,3 lift his head with a smile on his face. That way he won't see the camera and it may be less 'posey' for him.

I think your sister was correct to ban him from the photo. He has repeatedly demonstrated that he is incapable of behaving as required and it might just be the proverbial kick up the arse that he needs. Maybe it will be the thing that will make him think.

I also think that your DH's approach about the passport photos in Asda was the right one. The softly softly reward based one was ineffectual and DS's silliness was starting to prove not just irritating, but costly too, with the potential consequence of no passport and no holiday. Clearly DS needed to be made to understand that, however unwillingly.

You’re massively projecting. I’ve described his behaviour as silly. I have very little criticism of the child. I have been much more critical of the parent and it’s interesting that this doesn’t bother you.

@SwedeCarrotLime ok but that's irrelevant. You can say 'no I agree with your sister' without also going on to say 'your son is a brat'.

YABU, 10 is plenty old enough to behave sensibly when requested to do so. Take some parenting lessons from your sister!

@ThanksItHasPockets projecting - classic in the mumsnet bingo of passive aggressive responses. It’s been blown out of control and now the OP will be berating herself because according to so many she’s parented badly, when really this is a very minor issue.

Maybe stop laughing at him! We have a niece who would stick out her tongue in every photo, she has ruined so many family photos. some of the few more recent photos we have of our dear departed Mil and Fil have her in them with her tongue stuck out! It's just stupid and plain bad manners.

My friend’s husband always sticks his tongue out for photos. It’s ridiculous. Now my friend does it too, and their DD has started doing it. It’s an awful habit and it ruins photos

YABU to be annoyed at your sister as this is entirely your fault. You have a ten year old who lacks the respect to obey an adults instruction to be sensible for one photograph. It's hardly a lot to ask of him, is it? I can quite understand why your mother wouldn't want a photograph of all her grandchildren to be dominated by the attention seeking of one. Your sister did your job there.

Yes, you are. I’m your lightning rod for the people who’ve actually been nasty because I’ve been foolish enough to engage with your sanctimony. Go and tell off some of the pp who’ve actually used unpleasant insults about the child, please. Start with a ctrl+f search of the word ‘brat’ on this page.

This, unless your DS has additional needs OP?

FGS he is 10 years old- more than old enough to know when to stop this. Sounds like you’ve just shrugged your shoulders and given up. I agree with your sister and mum. Plus when will this stop- graduation? Wedding? Passport?

Your sister was absolutely correct .
He was ruining the photo for everyone else, including your mum.
He obviously likes the attention that spoiling photos gets him.
Maybe should of been nipped in the bud a bit sooner than 10 because apart from you, no one else is finding it anything other than tiresome attention seeking behaviour.