I don’t think I have a personality

[Annonymousr12]

I feel I’m very bland and boring and maybe that’s why I have very little real connections. I’m an introvert so maybe that’s why. How do people develop interesting personalities that will attract friends

I quite like bland and boring people, less drama and more straightforward!

Rather than try to become someone who will 'attract friends' just be yourself. Also, try joining some clubs and find some interests you enjoy. Friendships will develop from there.

People develop interesting personalities by actively engaging with life

Sadly some introverts do end up boring and a bit bland, which then doesn't help them 'fix' the issues since most develop a personality throughout their childhood and early teens

Bless you. This sounds like more of a confidence issue rather than a "lack of personality". What are your interests? Gardening? Reading? Working? Hiking? Just take what you enjoy and build on that and perhaps join a group of people with similar interests? I'm sure you're absolutely lovely and being an introvert does not equal being bland, by a long shot.

i have young kids do to be honest I don’t have time for hobbies. With the first I went actively looking for baby clubs and classes and made lots of “friends” but these fizzled out during lockdown. I recently celebrated my 40th and felt sad as it was just myself and husband. I don’t have any meaningful people in my life. I’m also very stressed all the time maybe that’s why people don’t want to be around me

Sadly some introverts do end up boring and a bit bland

So do some extroverts!!!!

I am sure it is a matter of taste, but from my perspective I think most of the more interesting people I know are introverts! You can engage with the world, and reflect on it, and have interesting things to say about it, without being the kind of person who is naturally relaxed in the company of lots of people.

Unfortunately it doesn't look like the OP is in that group

Do you have opinions and preferences?

This sounds all pretty normal, to be honest. When you have children then other relationships often take a back seat. It's not a reflection on your personality, it's just you juggling with life and perhaps struggling with the stresses that come with it which is impacting your social life. I dare say it'll pass and you may even look back and miss the time you didn't have the added stress of keeping up with social events and gossip! Are you and your husband happy in your own little bubble, just spending time with each other? If so, go with it and let other new friendships develop naturally as you find yourself with a bit more free time.

Oh god I feel like this! Of I had to write a dating profile for example I'd have zero hobbies or interests. I think maybe it happens once young dc take over your life, and you don't get yourself back til the youngest is 5.
I'm sure I used to be fun and have loads of mates, but I just haven't the inclination or time to keep up with the effort involved.

You must have some interests, hobbies are overrated anyway, it gives you something to talk about with people who share it, the other 99% of people are unlikely to give a shit.

What were your interests before you had children? Could you pick any of them back up again with the kids? I do cycling, parkrun, and baking with my kids. I go walking with friends. I make time for some crafts that I love. I plan family trips to cultural attractions, holidays abroad and in the UK. I read lots of non fiction and read articles of interest in variety of publications loosely linked to my career but more out of interest. I think you need to prioritise some time for you to do things you like.

Me too. I've always been told I am boring. Not sure I really care too much though.

I much prefer quiet people. Hate talkers.

What have you based that on @CheeseyToasts ? Just because she is afraid she might be bland and boring, doesn't mean she really is. I don't think there is much relation between how interesting people think they are, and how interesting they actually are! If anything, there is a negative relationship! Nothing more boring than a person who thinks they are fascinating....

The secret to being perceived as interesting is to convey that you find other people fascinating.

Most people are only interested in talking about themselves.

The no hobbies

All friends have fizzled out

Most people with a personality and interests don't have no friends unfortunately

I have a personality but it was borne from being poor and a bit neglected as a kid
wasnt particularly hot so decided funny would do

gping through shit is character building so I’m sure there’s a personality in there somewhere :)

I think you are probably really tired and overworked with your DC. Might sound a leap, but have you had iron and B12 levels checked? I don't absorb either very well and getting stressed and irritable with ordinary things is one the first signs I notice when I need a top up.

How is your relationship with DH?

Do you feel like you used to have a personality?

Reading with interest. I know a lot of MNers have a tendency to make everything about neurodivergency but I am late-diagnosed autistic, massively introverted and feel like I don't have a personality. I mirror everyone around me so I take on their mannerisms, slang, even their accents until I don't know who I am.

I'm often told I have dull or strange interests, or that I'm odd, and I find it difficult to connect with people because listening to them talk about their own stuff bores me

I suppose the difference is that I don't care about friendships and don't ever feel lonely, but I'd still like to be seen as a bit more snazzy and fun in workplaces, etc.

Personally I’d find a hobby, join a club, the WI, maybe try out lots of things, volunteering perhaps. I’m a great believer everyone is good at something it’s just finding it. I found out I could sew, I can’t sew clothes but I’m good a things like Teddy Bears and other sewn toys, I’ve made lots of friends through sewing, I go to a knit and natter at the library, I can’t knit very well but I love the natter.

What are you interested in? I love people with enthusiasms and interests, whatever that may be. Do you like to learn? Are you interested in the world around you?

If you're run down it can be hard especially with kids. Make sure you are eating well, getting exercise and vitamin D so you have more energy. Low energy makes everyone feel rubbish.

I think lockdown cemented my introvert nature .
Before I think I could ' act ' out being fun and lively , someone who was happy to stand up and speak before a crowd , a leader etc.
Now I'm back in my shell , and happy to be in the background. In fact I'm happier at home . Meeting people and being ' out there ' now fills me with dread to be honest .
I've stopped going out to my regular meet ups / hobbies etc . I do wonder if it's mild depression or anxiety. Could it be so for you ?

Of course you have a personality. Your personality maybe just a little more low key than some others. But for everyone who owns the room and keeps people enthralled with their scintillating conversation, there's at least a dozen of us sitting there quietly listening.
Having hobbies and interests is not a personality either, its just how you choose to spend your time. OK, it might give you something to talk about, but in all honesty unless your hobby is genuinely interesting (most are not!) no one is going to be wanting to listen to you going on about it.
Leaving aside the naturally hilarious minority, the most popular people socially are generally the ones who put the focus onto others and make other people feel interested and listened to. They don't dominate with their own stories and opinions, they draw other people out, show genuine interest in them and use that as the conversational springboard.

Completely agree.

There's not necessarily a correlation between being an extrovert and interesting, or having hobbies and lots of friends, though. Some people live very quiet or mundane lives without any fancy hobbies, jobs, or views, but are just naturally hilarious, or really good conversationalists who make others feel listened to when they chat, or just nice, kind people who always help friends out, so are very popular.

Other people might have wonderful hobbies but listening to them bore on about them without any input from anyone else makes everyone want to avoid them!

People who don't have any interests at all are generally pretty boring though. It's perfectly understandable that people with young children struggle for time to actively do hobbies but I've never understood why that means they stop having any interests. Of course you might not have as much time to devote to them but why would your interest in history or politics or foreign cultures literature or the environment or football magically stop once you've had kids? It's easier than ever now to listen to podcasts or flick through an online newspaper or do 5 minutes a day on duolingo while cooking tea/breastfeeding/ironing/doing the school run, whatever.

If i asked someone what their hobbies were or what they did in their spare time, I would find it completely understand able if someone said "I love reading, death metal and rugby but i don't get enough time to actually go to gigs or play for my team at the moment so I just listen to music in my car and watch the matches at home." Whereas if someone said "I don't know, nothing really, watch a bit of tv" honestly I probably would think they were a bit boring!

Hear hear! 👏