I don’t think I have a personality

[Annonymousr12]

I feel I’m very bland and boring and maybe that’s why I have very little real connections. I’m an introvert so maybe that’s why. How do people develop interesting personalities that will attract friends

All your friends and yet here you are being an arse on an anonymous forum @CheeseyToasts

@Mississipi71

Show me the site rules where your opinion has to be helpful

I'll wait

Hardly an arse

Just stating the truth

Anyone who hits 40 with no friends or personality is unlikely to be able to fix that easily

But nah posters telling her to start bird watching are being so helpful

It's called common decency. Show me when you develop it.

@CheeseyToasts you homes sound like a twat and I don't believe anyone would willingly spend time with you, hence why you have to bully OP on Mumsnet for attention. Just stating the truth.

First steps might be:

address your stress (often mostly about your response to or perception of life/events),

get in touch with your feelings - what do you like and not like? How do you like to be treated by others? Sometimes first it’s about identifying what we don’t like before our likes begin to emerge

start acting on your feelings more - don’t do things you don’t want to do, this creates space in your life which can feel scarily blank at first but then you can start trying new things and finding things you do want to do, people you do what to spend time with etc.

I’m sure you’re in there somewhere, sometimes we just need to clear space to find ourselves again. And it’s a constant process - we’re constantly changing and growing, so staying close to yourself and making it an ongoing, constant discovery is the fun of life.

Honestly*

I have quite a few friends. I think I'm interesting enough to be with, maybe even a bit of fun but I don't have any hobbies.
Someone said about a dating profile. Mine would be so boring - walking, reading, spending time with family and friends.
I personally think what makes people interesting is being interested In people and the world.
This can include watching good tv, reading books, going places, meeting people.
Unless it's a really interesting hobby, talking about your hobby isn't always interesting.

Bland and boring is entirely in your head. Just be your best self and have confidence in yourself. Please don't put yourself down.

Isn't the saying be the best version of yourself? Surely that is whatever makes you comfortable, without having to stand out. I am an extrovert and it has got me into trouble a few times!

• I'm bland and boring
• I haven't got a personality
• I'm always stressed

You're negative that's the problem. It's draining being around negative people.

Someone early in the thread asked what you're interested in and you immediately shut down that conversation with a negative statement saying you don't have time for hobbies

Aw c'mon don't be mean. I bet a guy like you has more friends than he can fit in his mum's spare bedroom! Why not pass on a few tips?

@5128gap

How original

The OP is a middle aged woman with no friends

That's sad, however you want to slice it.

Being told to take up a hobby is just as useless for the OP as it is to people asking about dating on here who get the same tired advice.

You are just a nasty troll who enjoys trying to get a rise out of other posters. Well done, you've achieved your objective today.

You probably have a personality- it might just be a chill, low impact sort of personality, and thats alright not everybody has to be the 'in your face' comedian type.
You said you have a husband, why do you think he likes you, or wanted to be with you?
There are lots of things that you could be that aren't necessarily massive and thrilling but still make up a personality,
Like are you someone who works hard at your job?
Is sarcastic
Would never be caught dead in a supermarket in your pyjamas
Likes painting your nails
Wearing colourful clothes
Being kind to animals
Playing with your children
Keeping your home tidy
Reading
Cutting your kids hair
Meditating
Musicals
Radio 4
Do you like spicy food
Or visiting old buildings
Keeping plants, or fish or a tidy garden
Do you like old films
Camping
Sunsets?
Do you ever think about travelling
Or taking your children on day trips
The cinema?

Like it doesnt have to be rock climbing, bungee jumping, heavy metal gigs and balancing your freelance career as a unicycling bank manager with the national archery team trials. Some people are chill and have less dramatic interests.
If you want more friends or more things to do thats different and there are ways to make friends as an adult if you are feeling unfufilled, but you are quite unlikely to be so boring and bland that you have no personality at all, in fact if someone was that boring that would probably make them interesting again

I feel exactly the same @Annonymousr12 .
Bland, boring, struggle to add anything of importance. No hobbies, no get up and go, just each and every day passing by the same. Feels like I’m in a fog.
Wish I could add something that helps but know you’re not alone.

If at 40 you're friendless with no personality not sure there is much that can be done

That's totally untrue. Anyone can start again at any age. I expect lots of people are starting again recently because the pandemic and lockdowns killed a lot of friendships. Joining clubs etc isn't useless either. It means you get to do something you like or something new to see if you like it and you meet people at the same time. Probably the same people every week or however often the club is, which gives you time to see what people are like and time to make friends. If someone is a bit shy it's not the easiest thing for them to make instant friends with someone they've just met.

OP try stuff out, find something you're passionate about and as you're doing all this talk to people, don't shut down conversations, show some of who you are. Try to say mainly positive things not constantly be all doom and gloom. Eg if someone asks what you do in your spare time don't say you haven't got any, say something positive about your happy marriage instead if your husband is who you spend your time with.

@Caroffee

Hardly

Just offering honest advice on this unlike the many on here pretending that joining a birdwatching club is the silver bullet

"I'll wait" - I'm embarrassed for you. @CheeseyToasts

Somehow I'm guessing that you don't have much life experience.

No sadder than (for example) a middle aged man whose main form of social interaction is being increasingly unpleasant on MN until women finally engage with him.

@5128gap

Oh I'm a man now

Must inform my husband and work out how I birthed a child too. Might be a medical marvel.

Plenty

Plus at least I have friends too, and a personality

You do not seem happy or successful in the least. Having a personality doesn't mean it's a good one. @CheeseyToasts

@CheeseyToasts You have offered the OP no advice at all.