I don’t think I have a personality

[Annonymousr12]

I feel I’m very bland and boring and maybe that’s why I have very little real connections. I’m an introvert so maybe that’s why. How do people develop interesting personalities that will attract friends

Who on earth has told you that you're boring? How rude!

Personally, I think I'd rather be boring than completely lacking in common courtesy and basic decency.

Being stressed and frazzled takes a toll on everyone, as did Covid, so perhaps you've lost sight of yourself a bit? I'd have a think about a couple of things that interest you/you feel like trying and look in to ways of following them up, even if it's just reading a book about them to start with or doing some net research/joining a forum about the subject. Really doesn't matter what it is. Try to make space and time for yourself just to "be you".

100% this. In my opinion, I am as dull as dish water. I have no hobbies. But I have a good and busy social life and many friends due to taking interest in others.

I also feel like I am bland, boring and lacking personality. Having said this, I've started to prefer this type of person because they don't talk about themselves all the time and create drama like many extroverts do.

The no hobbies

All friends have fizzled out

Most people with a personality and interests don't have no friends unfortunately

Disagree. Not having friends and thinking yourself uninteresting screams low self-esteem, lack of confidence and/or low mood to me. It would also explain why you might not have any hobbies either as you’ve lost your get-up-and-go. Op is also at a stage of live where many people feel their children take centre stage.

Nothing the op has said has made me think that what she thinks about herself is objectively true.

Even if you’re a genuinely fascinating person, you may struggle with making friends if you lack the confidence to put yourself out there socially. Conversely, drinking loads and being loud seems to be an effective substitute for a personality for many people!

I’m off in that I consider myself to be the dullest person on Earth but I can entertain people if I’m out - banter, listening, talking about music or whatever but it’s utterly draining.
I absolutely hate talking about myself.
i also can’t really talk about my interests much as never had any other than reading or walking or beagles.
But I worked in a bar when I was 25 and used to pretend I was more adventurous sister in my head. Weirdly that changed a lot: I discovered I could be funny, do banter and I became more confident.
Im definitely not interesting but I am interested in people and sometimes a daft story gets people to open up (anything like my dearly departed dog’s antics) can get people talking. Then I can let them take over.
I started painting a couple of years ago but I don’t think anyone who hasn’t seen my Instagram would know and when family (DH’s ) comment I dry up. I have zero to say.
but… I have lots to get out of people and maybe that’s why I’m always being told I’m an extrovert and (sometimes) a flirt: I am absolutely not (haven’t got a clue) but my persona pops out if I think people are ill at ease. I even comforted a nurse when I was in ICU after the TW stillborn baby I had and when I nearly died.
I don’t find people bland.
I very much doubt you are OP

People with such low self esteem it impacts their life this much are unfortunately also boring

It depends on your own social skills @CheeseyToasts
People with decent interpersonal skills are often able to help people who are less confident socially to engage. Having low self esteem doesn't preclude you from having opinions, insight, intelligence and wit to share. It just means you might need the right conditions and person to get you started.
If you're the type of person who isnt able to engage unless the other person is holding the floor, you then you will be unlikely to be the type to experience the best of what quieter people can offer.

What have you tried doing throughout your life ? Everyone has a personality, some are quieter than others. I think real skill comes from taking part and listening. Unfortunately these discussions often end up being introvert versus extrovert . Most people fall somewhere in between.

I have tried gazillions well it feels like it hobbies and sports, volunteering is my main thing though.

Some with more success than others trade union steward 12 years, arts and crafts assistant was for a couple of months as that’s how long funding was for.

I also love time by myself.

I think introvert is misunderstood on MN. I love company but in limited amounts so I spent 1.5 hours going for a walk with a mate today and yesterday had a friend round for a coffee for 2 hours and that was plenty. I need time away after that.

I think your probably anxious and shy which is different to being an introvert.

I feel I’m very bland and boring and maybe that’s why I have very little real connections. I’m an introvert so maybe that’s why. How do people develop interesting personalities that will attract friends

I feel like that sometimes but it depends who I'm with. Some people I have nothing in common with and nothing to say to. I feel interesting when I'm with people who interest me and who I can easily talk to. Find your people.

I'm an introvert too. I love reading but I have other hobbies too like tennis.

Your view of the OP seems to be very negative @CheeseyToasts All she has done is talk about what she's experiencing at the moment. We don't know her.
Low self esteem can be overcome and people can find a way to become more outgoing and positive. Knowing you want that is a good start.

. First of all you have to find an interest you enjoy. Any interest; stamp collecting, birdwatching, reading. Then you have something to do or talk about with other people .

Oh yes

Because it's well known those bird watchers are a hoot

For many those people are the epitome of boring

They are not at all boring to other birdwatchers; obvious topic of conversation, opportunities to share stories, pictures, outings.

To be frank, I think most people are quite boring, but that’s okay. We can’t all be hilarious comedians or ooze charisma 🤷🏻‍♀️ next to my DH I sometimes feel quite dull on the charisma front, he is full of it, but he clearly likes me so that’s all that matters.

You sound like you have great awareness, unlike many extraverts that I know who think they have the most amazing personalities when really they are just as dull as some introverts but loud and irritating with it 😬

@2bazookas

Yes, the OP should go and take up a random boring hobby so she can make friends with the only other boring people she hangs out with whilst watching birds.

The advice on here is laughable around socialisation

'Just get a hobby' like it's that easy!

Most people don't need a hobby to have a personality and be interesting

@CheeseyToasts What do you think she should do then? Just give up?

Let’s be honest, it’s obvious Cheesy is on here to stick the boot into the op and for no other reason.

I tend to find closed minded people who make sweeping statements and buy into lazy stereotypes like birdwatcher = boring rather boring myself.

People with such low self esteem it impacts their life this much are unfortunately also boring

How does this help OP? Does this help her self esteem and motivate her, like what was the need?

I doubt there's anything wrong with you, OP. People need to remember that just because you have a lot of friends doesn't necessarily make you kind or massively interesting.

I can't tell you how many times I've avoided people because all they do is talk about holidays, parties, achievements.

Make small steps by trying out nee hobbies. Perhaps individual ones. Volunteer on a weekend. That will build your sense of self up slowly

Quite ironic that @CheeseyToasts is knocking the OP, yet comes across as a miserable, negative poster, AKA lacking in personality.

Why are you even here at this point?

Not sure tbh

If at 40 you're friendless with no personality not sure there is much that can be done

Effort should have started years ago, or effort to maintain friendships back then.

@CheeseyToasts go and hang out with your many friends, you’re giving nothing more than bored / boring troll at this point

This is the third thread I have seen you on, where you just criticise, instead of give advice. Not much use when ppl are asking for an opinion, one way or another, that is meant to be helpful.