First date wanting to pick me up

[Lolabray]

I am arranging a first date and he has mentioned a few times about picking me up so I can have a drink. I’ve explained I do get nervous on first dates (but I don’t want to drink much and have my wits about me).

I remember babysitting for a friend where a guy she had never met came to pick her up.

However as a mum of two who has watched too many programmes I am wary of someone picking me up & want to get back safe.

He has not been disrespectful about it and said I was just trying to be a gent but i totally understand if you don’t feel comfortable.

Thoughts please

Thanks all. My gut says no also at him picking me up. I’m going and I’ll be sober and will weigh things up once I’m there. That’s if I go! X

As he's mentioned you drinking alcohol a few times, I wouldn't go in case he slipped something into the drink. Cancel the date, block him & move on because he sounds dodgy.

If you do go to the date, have a friend sit near by to rescue you if you need it but personally I'd cancel the date.

So he wants to pick you up from your house so that you can drink. Presumably he would take you back to your house, drunk?

No, this is not the 1970s! Don't do it.

It's another 'no' from me to getting into an unknown man's car.

This. And he knows where you live.

AND, and this is the big one, youve told him no repeatedly and he is still insisting.

he does not respect boundaries

Don't accept any drink from this man, it doesn't need to be alcohol for him to slip something in it.

'Trying to be a gent' would make me run for the hills.

You are right to be careful. It's possible the bloke hasn't thought this through, but watch for other stuff. Keep your wits about you and your hand on you halfpenny It was a while before now DH knew where I actually lived. For full disclosure, DH wanted to take me for a meal on our first date. I think he just thought it was a gentlemanly thing to do but I wanted to leave myself a get out clause, to avoid attempting to heave my fat arse through a restaurant window.

I'd bin this one off completely. He's either not aware enough about some of the issues we face as women that men don't, which is enough on its own to say no thank you to him, or he is aware but is testing the waters to see if you are vulnerable.

Either of these is pretty bad to be honest. I get a bit of flak for this in real life but I am firmly of the opinion that it is not expecting too much of a man to be aware that women as the weaker sex class (regardless of that one woman who apparently every man who opposes my views has met and is strong enough to deck them without breaking a sweat) have certain security concerns that do not exist the other way around and to act accordingly.

If he'd offered once and accepted your refusal I wouldn't think too much about it but he's mentioned it several times and that would make me feel uncomfortable. I'd also be concerned he's offered in order to allow you to drink.

If you decide to go I would make your own way there and back, I would not drink alcohol and I would not leave my drink unattended with him.

I probably wouldn't go though because men who don't accept no the first time set my alarm bells ringing.

If he won’t respect your boundaries before he meets you it will be worse in person. He sounds like he wants to set you up to get you drunk enough to bypass your consent even more.

I just deleted someone I met on OLD because he wanted to come over, kept asking to meet up sooner etc etc. I was supposed to meet him today and can’t be assed with someone that has zero awareness of consent. It’s a massive red flag.

You don’t owe him anything, my advice is delete and move onto the next one. Set your boundaries and stick to them.

I would meet him in the daytime for a coffee in a pubic place and then decide if you want to go on a proper date and if that happens meet him there. Do not let him know where you live and also do not drink loads as so many things happen to girls these days. Just take precautions to be safe and let someone know where you are. Someone insisting that he would pick me up when I had already said no would piss me off unless it is someone you have known as a friend for ages and not someone you met online. Everyone knew where each other lived where I grew up and would walk us home so we were safe, such different times.

Politely decline, if you are uncomfortable then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Good luck on your date :)

It’s a potential red flag.

Remember that if you feel at all uncomfortable during the date have a friend you can call ready for rescue. If you both have iPhones you can allow them to track you for the evening. You could also ask them to call you at a certain time and have a code word for help set up. Some venues are aware of the ‘ask for Angela’ code but not all, so don’t rely on that.

If you’re starting to feel uncomfortable about this don’t go!
Its a date, not a work meeting, court summons etc.
Save your time and energy.
You don’t have to go out with a man just because he asked you.

Red flag. He wants you to drink but he's driving. He's mentioned it a few times. If you do meet him, be very wary. Keep your drink with you even if you go to the loo.

And whilst this is sensible general first date advice, if I truly thought there was a genuine risk of being drugged on a date I wouldn’t go.

@Candleabra I was always wary on any date, good vibes or not.

Absolutely. Even good vibes can let you down, good to be cautious and wary.
I was just meaning that if I got actual bad vibes then I wouldn’t go.