To ask what in life has made you saddest and how you ever got over it?

[Danceswithduck]

Something in life hasn’t worked out I hoped / expected it would. It feels a bit like heartbreak - that’s all I can liken it to.
Im so sad and could cry all the time. I cannot say what it is as it is so identifying to me.

What made you the saddest you’ve ever been and how did you get over it? Or learn to live with it?

Grief is like the sea it ebbs and flows
when it’s calm and everything is flat it’s ok , but then all of a sudden you get a tidal wave of emotion. This is how I felt for years , it was tidal.
Its been calm for years now. The ebb takes a long time to settle .

Plus the death of my mum. She does holding my hand - I miss her so much and wish my daughter had known her

equally infertility was very hard. All my friends and family got pregnant easily or on first ivf attempt via nhs

oldies /regulars on here will know that it took 10yrs ttc and 4 failed private ivf before the 5th was successful

ivf in its self is a mental stressful emotional physical and in our case financial rollacoaster It will test a couples relationship to the limit esp when cuties fail

spent many thousands of pounds - savings - loans - credit cards - all so hard to pay the monthly amount when fails and had nothing to show for it

a friend said she spend £10k on a car/kitchen - and paid it back for months

I replied I had spent almost 3 times that and has nothing to show for it

she had a lovely car and kitchen

but I am forever grateful that finally ivf worked and I have my dd

I lived through something similar as he strung me along for 2 years making promises and then ghosted me and I never knew why. I lost a lot of weight, my self esteem and was angry for a long time. It's been 8 years but I'm happily married with a little one and over time, I am grateful things turned out this way. I love my DH and my little one so much that my heart melts. Time does heal.

The most moving thing I’ve ever read. In tears.

Bless you and all your children x

I'm so sorry so many people have had such sad things happen to them. As PPs have already said this is why we all need to be kind to one another. You never know what people are dealing with.

My grandad dying. It seems absurd as an adult to be so cut up about losing a grand parent but I miss him every day and think of him every day.
Without my grandad my childhood would have been a miserable one, he adored me like no one else ever has.
The sadness of losing him hasn't ever gone but I learn to keep it tucked away

Hugs to all x

Not being able to have children, it's the saddest I've ever felt about anything. It's like a bereavement that doesn't end because the one you are grieving for never existed.
I don't think I will ever get over it but as time has passed I've come to almost accept it.

The sixteen months my ME was so severe that I only had enough energy to talk a few sentences a day. I just had to lie there feeling dreadfully ill, unable to read, write, watch tv, text, go online or even chat beyond those few sentences a day. I had no idea if I would ever improve as there are no recognised medical treatments and although the medical profession still doesn’t take the illness seriously enough it was even worse 17 years ago when I was at my most severe. I felt I would soon not be able to endure the constant physical suffering and would have to take my life but I know it would devastate my family. I felt such sadness for them and me. V thankfully I did improve although I deteriorated again and have been bedridden again for 10 years but never again to that utter dreadful level of illness. I did though develop a prayer life during that time and develop a faith that remains with me.

I think I was just born to be sad and miserable forever.

ive never known who my father is, my mother told me he was from Bangladesh and that’s all I’ve ever known.
I have a younger sister and her dad was my dad for the first 8 years of my life, when my mum and him divorced he wanted nothing more to do with me, he seen my sister every weekend and still does, but hasn’t spoken to me since.

Being mixed race, I have never fitted in with my very English family, but as a young girl from age 10 to 15 I suffered from awful racial bullying, gangs of kids standing the house, throwing eggs, dragging me from the house and beating me up, I had a brick thrown at my head and had stitches.
I specifically remember around 15 teenagers stood outside my house chanting
“we shall not, we shall not be moved”
my mum phoned the police and they came and seen but said they weren’t doing anything wrong.

I was groomed by an employee of my mums second husband, I was 13, he was in his 20s, he bought me gifts and treated me like no one ever had., my mother disappeared out one night and he knew I was home alone, he turned up and pressured me into sex, I said no but he wouldn’t stop asking so I said yes. I spent the next 7 months hiding a pregnancy and not telling a soul, being so young, I didn’t know about my options. But then by the time my family realised, I was already 7 months pregnant, I then overdosed with the shame and guilt. I gave birth to my oldest son when I was 14 years old.
at 16 I met my now husband, he is lovely and a great father, but I would be lying if I said our relationship wasn’t based on the support and stability he provided me and my son. I thought since I already had one child, I may as well complete my family, so my dd and ds2 were born when I was 17 and 19.

At 25 I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 and emotionally unstable personality disorder, meds help to a degree, my most recent suicide attempt was less than 3 months ago, some days, I wish more than nothing else that I could just die, my children are a bit older now, and all I can think is that they would be better off without me, better off without having to know that I struggle so much.

I took a DNA test at the beginning of this year to see if I could find out who my father is, turns out, that my heritage is in fact Irani, and not Bangladeshi like I always believed, told my mother only to learn that it could’ve been one of multiple and she just assumed it was the last one, so I’m beginning to realise, at nearly 32, I was just placed on this earth to suffer a lifetime of misery.

I think my saddest time was when my two baby boys died at one day old, Time lessens the impact, though I don't think I will ever be able to say that I am "over it."

Am old. Am pretty sure I have ASD and ADHD. Wish I'd tested for these years ago and done something with my life instead of making excuses.

OK, maybe I'd still be making excuses.

((((Mannymoomin))))
So sorry to hear this.

I hope you have someone to talk to. x

I will never know or meet my birth father , I can't honestly say if I'm nature or nurture

Manymoomins, I am so sorry for all you have gone through and continue to.

I had my son 13 years ago,he was born severely autistic and has extremely limited understanding, hes learning disabled and unable to communicate in any form other than to scream 24 hours a day every day.hes doubly incontinent and pulls my hair out,scratches me raw,kicks me furiously out of frustration headbutts me slaps me all the while laughing manically not knowing what he's doing. I had prenatal depression which turned into post natal depression which then further manifested as manic depression. My guilty secret is for 13 years Every few days i accidentally try to kill myself. Ive survived too many times.I havent been able to leave home in 13 years,im completely unrecognisable to who i was.im a prisoner of my mind held captured by my son.There genuinely is no hope. No family who wants to help, no friends,minimlal respite, just me and my son stuck in our hell.
The world isnt done with me,im to feel more pain yet.well meaning people say it will get better, easier,it never has and i accept it never will.for me death would be the better option.

I haven't read through this whole thread. It got full very quickly, sadly.

My first child was born with severe physical and learning disabilities and has needed 24/7 round the clock supervision throughout her life Doubly incontinent and non verbal, and epileptic to boot. I did it myself and pretty much alone for 30 years. Obviously unable to continue a job, let alone a career.

I also have a NT child born 18 months later (before I knew the extent of the problems we had) so I brought them up in tandem.
Difficult times for all.

Now my eldest is in supported living and the youngest is happily married.
I still play a huge part in the support of my disabled child, and, happily, also my youngest. She hasn't had a really normal life, considering, but I've tried my best to make it as normal for her as I possibly could.

But it is what it is and we are all still ticking over.
35 years later I'm still very sad that we didn't have the life that others take for granted. Especially on behalf of DC2.

I have never known the joy, or ever will, of bringing up two 'normal' kids.

It's always been in and out of hospital, my youngest having to tag along when she was teeny tiny. Poor little love.

No family support, nothing. My parents deceased and DH's in another country.

I can still get very sad and down about the past. But I've learned that really doesn't help. At all. We just have to deal with stuff as it comes along, and so we do.

So no, you can't always get over sadness about things, and there's no magical formula that helps you get over it.

If you've been dumped at the altar, that's shit. But you have every opportunity to gird your loins and get over that. It leaves you with no responsibilities and a clear future. So I suppose it depends what disaster has occurred, for you.

Defeatedbylife

Hey love. I have been there. My daughter is 35 now. Non verbal and doubly incontinent. I totally get what you're feeling. I've had those days when you feel totally done with it all. Have you told this to your GP? Or anyone?

A couple of things - being cut out of a beloved family member’s life when they had a terminal illness and then they died before any reconciliation; horrendous workplace bullying; being falsely accused of being a perpetrator of child abuse, though later exonerated.

Rewind therapy helped a lot.

I am sorry you are going through such a tough time and can access in time the support you need 💐

@Defeatedbylife

Can you please reach out your GP or even chat to SennenCove as i see this pp has gone through what you are going through now and maybe can help? I read your post and my heart broke

Your message made feel for you, it's awful keeping up appearances whilst dying on the inside. I hope your husband hasn't said you're worthless because you don't have a career, has he? I wish life could be kinder to women during childbearing and rearing years... the careers still go mostly to the husbands and it sucks.

@Favouritefruits in reply to your post.

I've read so many other posts on here... the heartbreak is palatable.

My mother died of cancer when I was 13 and then my dad died of a heart attack when I was 19.
I will neve get over losing my mum because I had only had one period when I lost her so I had to go rhrough puberty and adulthood without her.

But I am happily married 26 yrs and my husband is very loving and we laugh a lot. Having 3 kids also brings me lots of joy. I am probably more understanding, empathetic and patient due to my experiences. I like to enjoy life because I know it can be cut short, so I am not a complainer, I am thankful. Being grateful and content with what you have gives you peace of mind.
I also was an atheist but converted to Catholicism decades ago after an encounter with God and my faith gives my life meaning and joy.

I had a period of a lot of sadness - dm dying from a prolonged illness, ds having lots of developmental issues , grandad dying. All in the same few months. That coupled with a very stressful unsupportive work place lead to me having a break down. I book some counselling, went on a mindfulness course, took up yoga snd alternative therapies. Started eating better and just gave myself time. The grief of loosing mum and grandad eased in time and we adjusted to ds medical condition so things did get easier.

Name changed as could be outing but I lost a friend back in 2010 after experiencing probably the most amazing thing that could happen to someone who loves the arts. I can’t say any more than that because again, it would be outing.

But hours after having this experience, I got a call to tell me that one of my oldest friends had died from an overdose.

Sadly, she was in another country at the time and I was only a teenager, I couldn’t afford to fly out to attend her funeral.

But there’s a backstory to our friendship. Growing up, I never knew that my friend was gay. Perhaps bisexual at first because she had been with boys but not girls, to my knowledge.

It’s only been revealed to me years after her death that she had actually created another person online, using a boy’s name and pictures, and essentially catfished me. I spoke to this persona for many years while she was still in the country.

In our day, we had Face-Pic, MySpace and MSN Messenger so that is how we communicated. I never spoke to her other persona over the phone.

All red flags, right? Of course. But as a teenager, and with the internet only just really picking up, coming into it’s own and gaining popularity, why would I think it wasn’t genuine? I was a child.

I wish I could share more details in terms of what happened between the “three”
of us, the lies she told just to keep me there and the continued pretence of what I thought was a trustworthy, lifelong friend of mine. But I can’t for obvious reasons.

Long story short, her passing after the amazing experience I mentioned earlier, merely hours after the event, will stay with me forever.

That paradox. The mixed feelings. The euphoria and the heartbreak. Can you imagine the intensity of experiencing those 2 emotions at exactly the same time? Scary. Unsettling. Just devastating.

Fast forward to 2022, 12 years later, the pain is very much still there. Every year that her birthday comes around, I find myself in another place mentally and unable to communicate with everyone as I usually would.

It’s a feeling of sadness, heartache, regret, anger at myself for not being more observant, devastation that she didn’t feel confident enough to tell me the truth because I would have forgiven her instantly. I loved her. HER. Not him. But she thought that that was the only way that she could have a romantic connection with me.

It hurts me deeply and I’ve realised, no matter how long ago somebody close to you has passed away, that pain stays with you forever.

The pain never subsides. Or goes away. You just become more and more accustomed to dealing with it as each year passes.

Sorry for the long post but to OP, I want to say that whatever it is you are going through right now, whatever emotions you are feeling, please don’t try to push them away. Allow yourself to feel them, forgive yourself, then try your best to get on with your day.

Sending you healing at this difficult time 💐

The fact that I'm properly alone. I find it tough to get close to people and when I lost my ex because of my infertility, i left behind my entire life, my career, my home. I got through a patch of mental I'll health and drinking to forget but now I can go days and days without talking to anyone beyond the local shop assistants. I've had such a hard time finding work and soon I'll have nowhere to live. When I think of my life to come, it stretches before me like a barren desert.