To ask what in life has made you saddest and how you ever got over it?

[Danceswithduck]

Something in life hasn’t worked out I hoped / expected it would. It feels a bit like heartbreak - that’s all I can liken it to.
Im so sad and could cry all the time. I cannot say what it is as it is so identifying to me.

What made you the saddest you’ve ever been and how did you get over it? Or learn to live with it?

I’m so sorry. I found it so difficult, as it felt like nothing we did helped him. He got a lot from Kidscape, who will do their best to help if you contact them. He’s doing ok just now. He is incredibly kind and empathetic now, as he never wants other people to feel as he did. I am so proud of him. I hope things get easier for your lovely girl xxx

My mum died when I was 14 months old. I never knew her but have loved and missed her all my life. Her absence fashioned my life and not for the better.

Please don’t think that, you aren’t nothing, you are a mum and you mean the world to your children.

My mum met a man, who despite being a bit odd, we accepted as she loved him. It's come out several years later (and after I have raised concerns about worrying behaviours) that he is a convicted paedophile. He sexually abused his own daughter when she was a young teen. My mum felt it was fine to bring him around my own children, even though she knew he did this, because she'd 'keep an eye on him' around my dc. I didn't know any of this for several years and had no idea that this was what I had exposed my dc to (we are NC now, obviously).

The sadness is all about the person (your parent!) who should have been the most important person in your life to protect you and keep you safe, just not doing that at all. When I subsequently disclosed my own sexual abuse as a child to my mum as a result of all this, her response was 'I always expected this sort of thing from you.' I was 6 years old at the time.

All that being said (my mum and I are NC now), where I have found strength is in understanding that there is a lesson to be learned from every awful thing and transformation that can happen.

We are so much stronger than we know. It may not always seem like it (I certainly haven't always felt that way - therapy and antidepressants have helped so much). But there is a lesson to be learnt from every horrible situation. And no matter how awful. There is always the possibility for things to get better. Humans have the capacity to survive through so much. And just trying to conceive of what life would be like when it all got better has really helped.

So sorry that you are in so much pain right now, OP 💐
You are going to be OK, I promise.

I was the saddest in my life after my best friend of nearly 30 years died in Dec 2016. He was truly the other half of me (gay man, not romantic love but we definitely did love one another). Hardest thing I've ever had to cope with but the pain does ease and your life has to go on for you and everyone else that loves and relies on you.

@twoqueens you sound lovely. It’s very hard to make friends as an adult, I struggle too, I always feel “on the edge” of things somehow.

Gosh some terribly sad stories on this thread, helps me put my woes into perspective. Loss of a child must be the worst thing, I cannot imagine & hope I never have to, I fear I would not cope.

I had a termination for medical reasons at 26 weeks due to a diagnosis of a chromosome disorder of my child. I will never, ever get over this and have just learned to live with it, and the decision, we were forced to make. I would not wish that on my worst enemy.

I am currently dealing with the grief of only having one child and what this means for her. I know many people will not understand this but I feel this in itself is a form of grief. I will never get over this either.

Time has helped somewhat with the termination. I carry on living to the best of my ability, but I feel I rarely feel real joy or enjoyment.

Not sure I have any advice as maybe I need to seek help myself. Sometimes it helps to think that there are people in much worse situations than I am.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I read that someone had mentioned terminations. I had one last year and it absolutely rocked me, but it feels like grief and termination is a taboo subject.

I was 24, and, in all honesty, my first instinct was to not go ahead with the pregnancy. Then, I was hospitalised with HG during the first trimester, and bonded with the idea of a baby even more. All the lovely doctors and nurses were congratulating me, and I felt so guilty. I was about to start my finals and I didn’t have my degree, any kind of job, anywhere to live after Uni finished, and my boyfriend didn’t want a child - all I had was love, and love is not enough to raise a child alone. I thought of all the people who couldn’t conceive, and I just felt like a waste of a life. I had the abortion, partly because of the HG, partly not. I can’t even cry any more. I am so traumatised I feel stunned, like a deer in the headlights.

I will never, ever forget her (I’ve decided she was a girl. It’s mad, but it helps.) I think about her everyday.

my 11 week old daughter died. It changed me forever. I have been through other horrid, horrendous things in my life but nothing, nothing compares to losing her. there will never be a day i dont cry for her i dont think

Horrible suffering that people inflict on animals makes me sadder than I can sometimes bear.

My DH died the day after I found out he was dying. I was traumatised for years, he caught MRSA from one of the surgical team, it got in his bone and the antibiotics killed his liver. It was shocking, horrible and I felt helpless esp as they said he'd recover from the liver failure.

I existed for a long time. Emotionally flat. I initially felt guilty smiling, but after about 6 months I could smile. Agter a year I could listen to the songs we played at his funeral without crying. Then finally in year 4, I started to feel more like my old self because I got angry about something. I still had no partner, best friend or future, mind.

I am still injured by it all - I really do think you lose part of you when a loved one dies.😪So, no matter how much time passes you still feel it but the conveyor belt if life carries you away from that point in time so it becomes inceeasingly distant.

All I can say is, there are worse things that could happen, no matter how bad the situation is, so trying to hold onto that helps.

I hope whatever is happening with you OP, you can find something to be grateful for - for me it was our children - which can help you pull yourself out of the pit. 💕

Losing a child
holding them in your arms
it takes a very long time.
I’d say ten years
I can talk about it now calmly, it’s taken me a long time to get to this stage

@OneLittleLady ❤️

@LoisLane66 What on earth did you think they would do? For goodness sake, there are women here who would probably crawl a mile over broken glass if it meant their DC was able to grow up, work and live independently.

This is a very humbling and beautifully raw thread and I’m so very sorry to each one of you for your sadnesses.

i feel very sad most of the time these days. I’ve had sad thing happen, I lost a much longed for baby at 12 weeks, and developed psychosis after my son was born. I often feel scared it’s coming back and don’t quite trust my own instincts or thoughts which is a lonely place to be.
I married the wrong man, he is an alcoholic who I naively thought I could change. I couldn’t. There has been abuse in the marriage and I am a shell of who I used to be.

i made some very foolish financial decisions and am in a dire place financially as a result, which makes trying to leave my marriage harder.

My 9 year old son is under Camhs after threats of self harm and suicide, and I feel guilty I’ve not protected him more from some of the things he has seen at home.

i watched my dad die a horrible death from brain cancer.

i don’t make good friends easily and thought I had made a good one but she told me earlier this year she finds me too flaky to be a friend and needed to distance herself.

I would love the courage to have a last baby but I’m 41 and can’t do it with my husband and this unhealthy environment.

I cry most days. I keep plodding.

Sending you all a huge hug. 🌻

to everyone on here who suffers.

I feel that I have had a share of sadness in my life although it pales in comparison to some of the stories shared on here.

My worst period was when in the same year, in my early 20s I lost my dad, a friend, a boyfriend, my 11 year old cousin was knocked over and killed by a bus and a grandparent. To lose so many people in a short space of time is unfathomable. it has left me with anxiety issues that continue to this day.

Thinking of my future self explaining to my two beautiful dd's why I was unable to marry their Daddy. I am worried they will blame me for not giving them the perfect upbringing. I wanted that for them, but unfortunately their Dad prefers drinking more than a proper future. I feel so sad for them that I have not been able to "fix" their Dad in time, before they begin to realise why he really falls asleep all the time. I am also sad for myself that I will never have a proper relationship, I am also sad that my Mother never really thought I deserved any better, she encouraged the relationship despite knowing my reservations, she never knew he had a drink problem, but there was other things about his character I was not happy with.
He had been married to a much older woman with three children to different Dads. He was her third husband. I questioned his character and judgement, but my Mother told me not to be so fussy and that everyone makes mistakes. Then his wife died, perhaps that is why he drinks, who knows? But I do know my poor dd's are paying the price for his past.

Unrequited love. First time I fell for somebody, deeply. And he lead me on, very deeply. It hurt, physically and mentally when I found he strung me along. After a lot of heartache, tears, and time, I am happy with my DH and my little one, but still think of that pain time to time, and I’d never want to go through that again. I was in such a bad place, over a guy?! I guess it was a few years worth of being led on, false promises etc.

Like pp various family and friends dying have made me unspeakably sad, and I never really got over them, I've just learnt to live with the fact that they are gone. Some days are easier than others and with time the easy days start to outnumber the hard ones.

But very recently splitting with my partner of 15 years. He was physically abusive and very controlling towards me but has a good relationship with our 8yo son so I can't even cut him out completely to get over it.
I am coming to terms with seeing so much less of my beautiful boy and the turmoil our split has put him through, because he can't know the truth of why it's happened. I
'm also mourning the happy uncomplicated life the three of us should have had if he had been the sweet and loving man he could pretend to be.

The freedom from the abuse is wonderful but I'm so incredibly sad every day at the moment. I haven't got over it. I don't know if I ever really will.

❤️ I have similar (but not exactly the same) circumstances and feel like that too ❤️

Mothers day every year because I know my eldest is out there somewhere wishing somebody who isn't me a happy mother's day, making her cards, giving her hugs etc.

I cope with it by throwing myself into being the best mother I can be to my youngest children.

Hardest saddest thing in my life was finding my husband dead in our home. He has hung his self

my whole world collapsed and heart was shattered into a million pieces and life would never be the same again

we were both 37 and been together for 19yrs

but it is true - time heals things

you don’t get over it but you learn to live with it

you have to. No choice

life goes on

friends always said how brave I was and how they would have never coped and I would reply , I wasn’t brave , and that they would cope if same happened to them as you have to. No choice

I did meet someone else - been with him nearly 11yrs and have a 5yr daughter with him

some friends said they could never meet someone if their partner died - how could they love someone else

I describe it like an elastic band and children

you love your first born with all your heart but when no 2 comes you don’t love no 1 any less or no 2 any more - you love them the same

that’s how I feel about my husbands

I feel that I am lucky as I have met and love and be loved by two men - many people don’t meet one - I’ve met /had the love of two

There have been a few - but the saddest was definitely sending my DH a text message from resus telling him how much I loved him and with a message for my DD (10 at the time, again, how much I loved her and would always be with her) when I was slipping out of consciousness/semi-consciousness with a massive pulmonary embolism when the doctors had been very candid and said there was a good chance I wouldn't make it. This was the middle of the night and DH had had to stay home with DD when the ambulance took me away and really had no idea how ill I was.

Just knowing that message still exists on our phones makes me cry. But, hey, I lived to tell the tale.

So Many sad stories on here

a big un mn hug to you all 💐💐 including you @Danceswithduck

aa you said it’s really time that helps

talking /counselling and good friends

Only having one child due to secondary infertility and then breast cancer.

The breast cancer was pretty bad, but I struggled much more with the fact that I would be unable to have a second child.

Ten years later it's all in perspective and I'm happy to be alive, well and have seen my boy grow into a teenager. It still stings a little bit sometimes, but there's no pervasive sadness. Time does heal a lot of wounds.