August babies shouldn't be allowed to move down a year

[SapphosRock]

My DD has a late August birthday, she is 6 nearly 7 and about to go into Year 3.

A friend in her class (let's call her Lucy) has an early August birthday but was allowed to move down a year. She is already 8.

No special needs, her mum just decided she would prefer her DD to be the oldest in the class rather than one of the youngest.

This has impacted my DD in a few ways. She is good at sports but being the youngest means she doesn't often win. On Sports Day Lucy came first in the year 2 running race. My DD came 4th so missed out on a medal.

Lucy had a sleepover for her 8th birthday and invited the girls in DD's class. Most went but I didn't think DD was ready for a sleepover as she's still only 6 so she missed out on a fun party.

Lucy got the biggest speaking part in the Christmas play as she is the most confident and articulate.

AIBU and precious to think Lucy should have been kept in the correct year group?

I agree op hasn't given any real examples of being disadvantaged by this. Most people don't come in the top 3 at sports day. Her daughter not being ready for a sleepover is irrelevent, many children her are are ready for one.

Personally I would avoid delaying my child’s start unless absolutely essential for medical reasons. Certainly where I live this isn’t common practice at all and I would be concerned about my child being viewed as ‘backwards’ or stupid and getting picked on. Wrong as it is, some kids can be very cruel. My child also got a lot out of going to school with nursery peers and would have been upset and confused to be left at nursery for another year.

Just to throw my 2 pence in again. I did delay my summer born child for medical reasons.

I find the terms 'backwards' and 'stupid' offensive to my very core. If my child was called this by another student I wouldn't blame the delay system. I would blame the child and their parents for their bigoted views.

On another note I would also be called out for sending my child into school in their 'normal' year group because they would have been so far behind their peers, the staff would struggle to include them without being detrimental to the rest of the class. They would need a 1:1 TA at all times and fully differentiated tasks separate from their peers. But my child didn't qualify as ' disabled enough' for a SN school.

The extra year has enabled them to catch up a lot.

Something that will help children like mine is acceptance of delaying school entry and it being seen as 'normal'. And awareness and confidence for more parents whose children who would benefit to make the same decision and delay.

And yes I would let my DD go to a sleepover in the Autumn as she will be 7 and has been having sleepovers with her cousins over the summer so it won't be her first one. I explained that in an earlier post.

So your daughter was too young to go to a sleepover in July but would have been fine for a September sleepover?

I can’t believe op is getting so much stick. I don’t think it’s a great system either. So let’s say Lucy was actually very immature and not ready for school but her mum didn’t make the decision to defer her as she just didnt even think about it. Then another girl in the class whose mum knew her child is fine and ready maturity wise to start school but as she has read so much about the summer born disadvantage she opts to defer anyway to give her child the best start against her peers (this is basically what happens where I live in Scotland all the Jan/feb babies are deferred) Then poor Lucy is in this girls class and the maturity gap is massive. And it’s all down to whether or not your mum makes the right decision for you. What about the kids who just go in to their normal year group and don’t have a mum making this call for them?

All children are different. My boys are both late August babies. DS 1 very academic, whizzed along with flying colours. DS2 some mild learning difficulties, did struggle and after Y2 SATS they considered holding him back a year. I was glad they didn’t and he has prospered.

I reckon teenage/young adult Lucy will be furious with her parents.

Is this the only area in life where you'd be reluctant to do what you think is best for your child, in case there's another hypothetical parent out there who wouldn't?

The party did work for others in her year group. Why should everyone else be disadvantaged just because your child wouldn't have been ready for a sleepover untill 2 months had passed and you deemed her ready?

Gosh @TiddleyWink is that the best insult you can come up with? Perhaps being a summer born I should have been held back a year to help with those all important comprehension skills.

Did you miss the part where you accused parents of not preparing their summer borns for reception class. Nothing wrong with my response - just pointing out the research.

And it’s all down to whether or not your mum makes the right decision for you.

(and the dads….)

Of course a child’s place depends on the parent’s decision. But no child’s future should be determined by the actions other parents take towards their own children.

Yes it’s unfair to summer born children who are obviously going to struggle but are sent to school anyway, but if that’s the decision the parents make then not much can be done.

If a child isn’t emotionally ready for school, then they aren’t ready whether there’s a deferred child in the class or not.

I think the only reason to address this issue is for there to be more education on the impact of schooling starting at just turned 4 which should be available to all parents so they can make an informed decision.

I'm not there in the playground but I imagine the leadership / negotiating / compromise skills of my 6 year old are very different from a child who is almost 8.

It won't just be things the adults see.

Christina the astonishing I am not talking about my child. I am taking about other children who maybe should be deferred, whose parents/guardians don’t make that decision.

In reality you children are just slightly over a year apart, by say 6 and 8 you are making it sound much more than it actually is. Lucy is only days older than you oldest children in the class.

The party did work for others in her year group. Why should everyone else be disadvantaged just because your child wouldn't have been ready for a sleepover untill 2 months had passed and you deemed her ready?

Nobody would have been disadvantaged if the party had been postponed to September so all the girls would have been at least 7.

Lucy's parents could also have chosen an activity suitable for all her peer group but instead they chose one only suitable for the older girls.

I'm not there in the playground but I imagine the leadership / negotiating / compromise skills of my 6 year old are very different from a child who is almost 8.

So how close is this age gap?

Because your post reads as though there’s a 2 year age gap which I’m sure isn’t the case?

I’m in Scotland, kids start school aged between 4.5 and 5.5 and children born between November and February can defer. I deferred my January born DS, there were various reasons for this but it boils down to him starting school at 4.5 wouldn’t have been good for him. It’s not at all uncommon here for children to defer to the following year and while he’s one of the oldest he’s perfectly in step with his peer group.

The opportunity to defer, or move to the earlier year is there for a reason, there’s nothing wrong with wanting your child to be at the older end of the class if you consider it gives them time to grow emotionally, cognitively and psychologically. I can’t see how it disadvantages other children - and it positively benefits children particularly moving to high school where the bit of extra maturity can really help with that transition.

13 months but as others have pointed out it could be up to 17 months

But that's not the case. My child for example had sleepovers at 6. Others in the class where ready at 9. Its only you who has set the age at 7 but only because that's right for your child

So they're meant to know you have a "no sleepovers until 7" rule? And honestly, given the aching chasm between them in terms of their development, which will still be there when your kid is 7 cos Lucy is so much older and faster, would it still really be appropriate?

This is not about the party being for an 8 year old. All other children would be from the “correct” school year - 6 or 7. Your DD would be no more than a month from her 7th Birthday - you decided she wasn’t ready for a sleepover which was the correct decision for your child.

Jellycatspyjamas do you not find most children are deferred though? Where we are it’s highly unusual not to defer. I think if so many aren’t ready and need the extra bit of maturity they should just change the cut off to January/December. I know I would have absolutely deferred if my child had been a January birthday, he definitely wouldn’t have been ready

But it's not in your case. In yours it's slightly over a year so they are slightly older than the oldest in her year.

Nobody would have been disadvantaged if the party had been postponed to September so all the girls would have been at least 7.

Why on earth should the parents postpone their child’s party to accommodate your child? That’s nothing to do with deferring her school entry, you made a choice to not allow your child to go, which is your right but expecting other parents to accommodate yours to the detriment of their own child is ridiculous. If you thought she would be old enough at 7+1 month, surely she would be similarly old enough at 6+11 months or did she magically gain something when she turned 7.

Honestly, the things you have mentioned are totally normal, regardless of age! All kids will struggle with some of the other kids. Their personalities will clash. And right up until they left primary, there were girls in my dad's class who didn't want to go to sleepovers (they would just come for the afternoon/evening and then go home if they didn't want to stay). I think you are attributing lots to the fact your child is born in August but I think that for her sake you should stop doing this as she may cotton on a start doing the same. Just treat her as being exactly as capable as everyone else because she is. (BTW I never won a race at school and I'm born in January! )

So you didn’t let your daughter go to a sleepover because there were children there who were 13-17 months older than her?

Im just trying to clarify what the actual issue is because you talk a lot about the party as though that’s the main reason you don’t agree with summer born children being able to start school at 5.

So your child is almost 7 and the other girl has just turned 8.

Trying to imply it’s a 2 year difference is a bit weird.