August babies shouldn't be allowed to move down a year

[SapphosRock]

My DD has a late August birthday, she is 6 nearly 7 and about to go into Year 3.

A friend in her class (let's call her Lucy) has an early August birthday but was allowed to move down a year. She is already 8.

No special needs, her mum just decided she would prefer her DD to be the oldest in the class rather than one of the youngest.

This has impacted my DD in a few ways. She is good at sports but being the youngest means she doesn't often win. On Sports Day Lucy came first in the year 2 running race. My DD came 4th so missed out on a medal.

Lucy had a sleepover for her 8th birthday and invited the girls in DD's class. Most went but I didn't think DD was ready for a sleepover as she's still only 6 so she missed out on a fun party.

Lucy got the biggest speaking part in the Christmas play as she is the most confident and articulate.

AIBU and precious to think Lucy should have been kept in the correct year group?

Yes, you are being completely unreasonable. Lucy's parents made the right choice for their child, and, as parent to a summer born child myself, I wish starting reception at compulsory school age had been a thing when my daughter started school. ALL parents with children born between April & August now have the right to start their child in reception the academic year after they turn 5. Technically, Lucy's parents didn't "hold her back", you and I put our children into school a year too early, and you are experiencing the same consequences of that decision that I did. It has taken my daughter until Year 9 to really find her feet, academically & socially, but I have just let her do everything in her own time & told her to just do her best, because that is all she can do. I haven't compared her to children almost a year older than her, or pushed her to be on the same level as them, because that is just silly. Many of them were born before she was even conceived, & it takes time for that age gap to close. Leave Lucy & her parents alone & concentrate on being the biggest cheerleader ever for your daughter. Celebrate her 4th place (heck, celebrate last place, too!), & explain that not everyone can win all the time. That's just life. Encourage your daughter to cheer Lucy on & celebrate her achievements, too. The successes of others aren't failures for your daughter, so don't treat them as such.

We started our May daughter in Reception a year later at Compulsory School Age. I don't have a clue where she is in the class academically because the school doesn't provide that information. I hope yours doesn't! We're happy with how she's doing but other children could be doing better. She's the oldest in her year but still the smallest, and she has a physical delay that means she'll never win a class sports race which I hope makes the OP feel a bit better 🙄. I couldn't give two shits, all kids are different.

You need to be a bit more circumspect, OP! My own DC is an August baby: I had to fight the primary school at every parent’s evening to point out that DC was almost a year younger than the best performing kids in their class, but once they went to secondary, they caught up and surpassed most of the older kids.
just encourage your DD to do her best and strive for excellence - I’m sure that she’ll do her best!

@JenniferWooley it's changing in 2023 so that a child who's 5th birthday is after the end of August can also auto defer and not lose funding for ELC or without lots of hoops it's currently on trial in some Scottish councils.

For my DS who will be deferred (Jan baby) it's absolutely right academically he would be fine but socially not and there is a obvious gap between him and the 4 Yr olds pals in his preschool

As parents we make the best decision we can for our kids. I am considering deferring my July born due to a language delay. I fully expect she will catch up and the reason for her starting at csa will not be obvious to quick to judge parents in the years that follow but it is the right decision for her now. You are in no position to judge another parent you absolutely cannot know all the reasons why Lucy’s mum made this choice.
I am a late August born from a single mum on a council estate so definitely not middle class. I struggled through school lost every race and never got the leads on anything and I didn’t really care but my primary years were hard with bullies. My child’s emotional well being and happiness is far more important to me than her attainment and another year of play is the best I can do for her to develop the social skills and language skills she will need to be happy and protect herself from the inevitable bullying and unkindness of others. It is not all about races, grades and being first, believe it or not we are not all that competitive.
Seriously, take a long hard look at your post you can be better than that.

@Scottishskifun that's good to hear, must admit my experience with DD2 was very stressful & at times I wondered if it was worth it!

My January born DS is the only one I didn't defer but he didn't need it & happily went off to school at 4 years & 7 months old looking forward to playtime & playing football with the big boys - I silently long for those days now that he's a surly 14yo

I think it's time for you to have a reality check. Remember, you are talking about an 8 year old little girl who is trying to make her own way in the world, just like your daughter. Instead of begrudging "Lucy's" achievements in life, how about you focus your attention on your own daughter and be the mother that she deserves rather than resenting someone for something that has absolutely nothing to do with them and everything to do with your Petty, ill informed attitude. There is always going to be someone smarter, more popular, better looking, slimmer and richer, that's life and the quicker you get over it the better. Your daughter needs a positive role model in her life, try putting more focus on to that rather than throwing your dummy out of the pram over issues that have absolutely no significance in the real world whatsoever. A medal and a sleepover, please. Do me a favour and just take a time out and get a grip.

My DD2 is going into Y5 and will turn 9 the week before school starts! When she started school I genuinely didn't realise that holding back was an option and I'm glad I didn't. She thrived at school, is confident, outgoing and able. This might be partly because DD1 is only 14 months older and they grew up doing a lot of things together, playing the same games, etc. As a result, DD2 probably had the experiences and socialising opportunities of a slightly older child when she went into Reception. She's tall for her age and people often mistake her for being a bit older than she is.

If I'd known about holding back for August-born kids, I probably would have been tempted because I'd have thought it was right to give her the opportunity. But it wouldn't have been right for her, at all, so I'm glad that I didn't know!

Ah but your GIRL was older. If it was your son, some posters on here would have him branded a predator who's trying to abuse young girls just by dint of him being male.

But she's not struggling? She came 4th in a race? That's good? How is ONE child in a class of 30 making any difference?

Try imagine having a child that really ISN'T thriving OP, is behind in all academic subjects, struggling socially and not sporty and realise how utterly crass your posts could seem to parents of children like that because I can tell you I'm one of them, and right now I want to tell you to piss off.

To answer someone’s question I am a early years teacher and yes there is a huge difference in the children at entry into reception. I could on 99.9 %of the time tell you without knowing who is a summer born. Some DC have not long stopped and afternoon nap.
as I said earlier I could have deferred my DD but she was ready. It has to be judged on the child not whether you want your DC to win sports day.

As a late august baby who was held back a year (due to moving countries) I survived school. Had I been in my correct year I would have absolutely sunk. Yes someone has to be the oldest and someone the youngest but I was not great at sport - certainly never came close to a winning a medal and so on. I would have been in Lucy’s position but as much as I was a year or so older then some in my year I was also a week or two older than others.

my cousin born a week or so before me was in the correct year group she also thrived and so I think it’s safe to say that there is no right or wrong.

So basically you are annoyed because Lucy’s parents actually did the right thing and fought for what’s is best for her , while you behaved like a sheep despite knowing your daughter would struggle .

Not exactly true about 5. The law has just changed in N. Ireland 6 months ago to allow 4 year olds born in April, May and June only to defer. So here 4.5 year olds are still required to start school. I deferred my June born son, he will be starting next year at 5 years, 2 months and will likely be the OLDEST.

Your child hasn’t made way for Lucy, that’s just crazy. Lucy has started school at CSA which every child is entitled to do. How on earth does one child being a tiny bit older have any more effect on your child than the rest of the year group that are all older than yours? You knew full well your child was going to be one of the youngest, so if it was that much of a big deal you’d have delayed her entry until she was 5.

I agree, it's not fair. A year is a huge in childhood terms for academic and emotional development. Unfortunately, studies have shown that the disadvantages to summer borns continue throughout their schooling years. It's not necessarily academic or emotional disadvantage, but often simply a physical one when it comes to things like sport. So I don't think it's fair to say the Op is being jealous. She's just stating that a child 13 months older has a real advantage.

TBH I agree with you. This doesn’t fix the general problem of early intake and the fact that how and when you are born (on average) affects attainment. It just moves the problem to a different cut off and only benefits kids whose parents are pointy elbowed.

In fact it makes it worse as the age span of children is even wider. Anyone else have any good examples where other countries have managed it better?

Sounds like you failed your child by not deferring them a year.

Sounds like Lucy's parents did the right thing for Lucy. Bravo Lucy's parents, they sound fantastic.

Sounds like you know this and don't like the feeling of guilt that it brings. So you're blaming everyone else but yourself.

Harsh... but true.

So every parent who sends their August born child into the correct year group is 'failing their child?'

Surely adding an older child to a year group pushes up the average age of everyone in the class to the disadvantage of the youngest members.

Yes not being recognised on sports day or not being mature enough for a classmate's party don't sound like a big deal but these little things add up and can affect confidence and self-esteem.

And yes I could have deferred my DD but that's just perpetuating the cycle.

But anyway, the consensus seems to be everyone for themself.

Hello OP, I haven't looked through all the comments but I qonder whether you know why people delay their summerborn child's start date when there are no additional needs, or a child wasn't born prematurely? There is research the suggests that by the start of lower KS1, the average summer born child is 1-2 terms behind the average autumn born child. There is other research that suggests that summerborn teenagers are more likely to be diagnosed with mental health issues such as depression. For me, that was enough to delay my July born child. I'm sure there are some who will ask for links to the research. LMGTFY is probably your friend at this point as that's all I'd be doing.

I'm one of those pushy middle class parents. DD born late July and started reception age 5 and a few weeks. She was unplanned and if there had been any planning involved I would have wanted a September birthday for her so this was my way of giving her that. She is performing to expectations in the class and doesn't stand out at all in terms of height or academic or sporting ability. I don't want her to be the best in her peer group just not to struggle. My main concern was social and emotional and she has thrived rather than coped and absolutely loves school and finds all the activities stimulating which is all I ever wanted for her. I don't think children should start school age 4 and wish my Feb born second child could start age 5 at least (I'd prefer that they start at 6 or 7 as the evidence seems to support this being best for the child). The process itself was very straightforward in my county but isn't everywhere, I think parents should have the automatic right to send their summerborn to reception age 5 if they think it's in the best interests of the child (that is the criteria used but it's often misapplied by local authority and academies). Unfortunately the government have just announced they won't be legislating to give parents this, as they think the system is already working well. It isn't for many areas and families. Parents wanting support in this area should head to the FB group Flexible School admissions for summerborns.

Do people really think people put their child in school a year later, usually paying a whole extra years worth of childcare just to "be at the top of the class" or "so they don't miss out on a medal at sports day".
Seriously its a hard choice to make and actually nothing to do with anyone else but that family and their child.

We have 3 children 1 who is 30th August and we had concerns about starting and it was absolutely the right thing for him to start the following year. He is working across the middle of his year but if we had sent him he would be struggling to keep up and he would be affected by this.

We now have the choice to do this again for a June baby and yes we are doing it because they are too young to start school at 4. Everyone says about reception only being play based but they still go in to year 1 at just 5. Everyone says that everyone is the same when they're older but I believe (happy to be corrected) that the 11+ is still weighted on age so summer borns (who are in the right year) have to score less. Thete is research to show it makes difference being summer born.

OP It sounds like you're upset that its your child thats the youngest instead of her. If you are upset for your child to be the youngest and bottom why should that be OK for Lucy? Good on Lucy's parents for considering this and helping her.

Your replies are really quite infuriating. You have posted in AIBU. The overall consensus is clearly yes you are. But you don't want to hear it. Your OP clearly had no intent of 'AIBU'. It was actually 'let's all bash Lucy and her parents'.

It hasn't gone the way you'd hoped and you're not taking in the replies because you don't like them.

@Bekindtoday makes some excellent points. Along with many other replies. But I doubt you'll be open minded and will ignore the very valid points they've made.

@Bekindtoday makes some excellent points. Along with many other replies. But I doubt you'll be open minded and will ignore the very valid points they've made.