August babies shouldn't be allowed to move down a year

[SapphosRock]

My DD has a late August birthday, she is 6 nearly 7 and about to go into Year 3.

A friend in her class (let's call her Lucy) has an early August birthday but was allowed to move down a year. She is already 8.

No special needs, her mum just decided she would prefer her DD to be the oldest in the class rather than one of the youngest.

This has impacted my DD in a few ways. She is good at sports but being the youngest means she doesn't often win. On Sports Day Lucy came first in the year 2 running race. My DD came 4th so missed out on a medal.

Lucy had a sleepover for her 8th birthday and invited the girls in DD's class. Most went but I didn't think DD was ready for a sleepover as she's still only 6 so she missed out on a fun party.

Lucy got the biggest speaking part in the Christmas play as she is the most confident and articulate.

AIBU and precious to think Lucy should have been kept in the correct year group?

But in Scotland it's really not. There are so many people who have deferred their Jan/Feb birthdays that there is no teasing or questions at all. Because it's normal.

Yep, everyone in my antenatal group is deferring (all Jan/Feb births obv). It's incredibly common here to the extent it's just not an issue to talk about!

Ah, well you didn't indicate in your OP that your daughter was struggling. You said Lucy was doing well - sports, biggest speaking part in the play etc. You said that you didn't let your daughter attend the sleepover because of the age gap between her and the host (no mention of all the attendees' ages in between). How do these facts indicate that your daughter is struggling? If indeed she is struggling, that's nothing - absolutely nothing - to do with Lucy.

This excellent post is being largely completely ignored. Says a lot.

I’m stunned that so few people see the OP’s point, even at all. Why should she be forced to defer her daughter from her correct cohort and disadvantage other kids in the process just to stop her child being disadvantaged within her own cohort?! Typical selfish middle class attitude - kick the can down the road or shrug and let someone else suffer any consequences, as long as your child is shoved to the front. Playing the system to benefit themselves and screwing other poorer and more likely brown kids in the process. Grim reading.

Deferring should be exceptional and not the new norm, motivated by pushy and selfish middle class parents refusing to accept their child being anything other than top and front from the word go. Reception is play based learning. I highly doubt any but a tiny minority genuinely struggle for long. And all those having a go at the Op that she’s not teaching her child resilience and that she can’t always win a medal, you don’t see the irony?!

YANBU
The line has to be drawn somewhere.

Unless a child was due in Sept/Oct, then they should be kept with their peer group and not moved down a year.

I'm 50, but would like to move down a year to 49...

OP you realise any “summer born” baby born after May half term (and I have 2) have the right to request to start a year later? It’s not August born babies

In all honestly it sounds like you’re quite bitter about it and are blaming the impact of YOU not moving YOUR CHILD on another child??? You had exactly the same rights to request a move for your daughter as Lucy’s parents did, you chose differently to them and now you all live with that decision

My DC is summer born, there were many times I questioned whether to send them to school with their “correct” year group and eventually decided to (despite having a good reason medically to keep DC behind a year) I still question our decision now but they are very happy in school and have lots of lovely friends (though they are the youngest in the class) - we made the choice and ultimately we have to just get on with it (as do you!)

Swings and roundabouts. Lucy lose out further up school in sport as she will not be able to play in age-restricted teams with her class friends.

The point is that if this older girl wasn’t in the wrong year group, there probably wouldn’t be a sleepover party happening. Some older kids are ok with it and have gone but some won’t be ok with it, as is normal for their age. Pushing up the average age disadvantages the younger ones because the ‘average’ in terms of age, readiness etc in all areas is pushed up and suddenly the younger ones are ‘unusual’ and pushed out of the bottom whereas if the older ones were in their own correct year group, those summer born kids would fit better within the range and ability of their own 12 month cohort and be less likely to be pushed out of the bottom, in so many ways.

Lucy’s presence in the class IS an active disadvantage for the OP’s child.

On the sports day point, how is this much different to a trans woman winning a medal against cis women, which MN is up in arms about? A child from an older year group winning a medal against younger classmates that have vastly reduced chances of beating them physically, isn’t much different…?

It isn't "natural"... it is arbitrary! As you can see from the thread loads of countries have different rules and cut-off etc etc. It is just a date someone once decided at some point. You could have deferred entry too, but you decided not to. If your child is struggling it isn't because of Lucy.

I think that you are conflating two things

there is I think reason for discussion about deferring and how the school year works

and your more personal issues that your DD is struggling

and I think they are separate.

Whay would removing Lucy actually do - your DD may well have gotten 3rd she may well not. Someone else would have the part

have you discussed this with her teachers, It can take some children awhile to overcome it usually year 3 tends to even it out

This isn't my experience at all. The small number of children at my child's school not in their age related year group are those with some additional needs. If anything I think there's a bit of stigma still around children being 'held back' which is wrong of course. It's certainly not seen as a badge of being pushy and middle class. I guess it's different in your area.

It's odd to get upset about this. Focus on the achievements and efforts of your own child is probably the best way to build up their confidence.

If all the children that can be held back a year do so, what happens to the youngest of the ones who can't defer?

They're then the youngest in their year so at a disadvantage against the ones who should have been a year higher but were held back into this year.

So there is still a year between the oldest and youngest, it's just that a particular group of parents have shifted the year's gap problem to a different group of children.

But you haven't shown any indication that she's actually 'struggling'. She's just not top of the class. Which makes you look ridiculous.

Your DDs struggle was your choice - she didn’t make way for anyone.

On the sports day point, how is this much different to a trans woman winning a medal against cis women, which MN is up in arms about?

So you're a trans ideology believer. You don't mind TW in ""cis women"" sports but you draw the line at a summer child joining the year below🙄🙄🙄

My friends child is a December baby and was moved up a year as developmentally she was ahead of her year and the teacher found it challenging to keep her simulated.

She went from reception to year 1, 3 years later that was the right decision for her. Despite being the youngest she is the brightest in her class which seems to narks one of the other parents as she thinks her child is the star of the show.

To me does it matter, each children should work to their abilities and their own lane. Your DD might be great at other things the other girl isn’t. She’s still young and finding her feet.

I find it strange that you’re seeing this so competitively. There has to be a cut off somewhere and some children they just aren’t ready for school just as they turn four and others are, therefore parents are able to assess and make a choice based on what feels best for their child and family. I’d focus more on your child than comparing your child to others. School life isn’t a competition and you had the option to hold your child back had you wished to avoid her being disadvantaged by being the youngest. My child is a September baby but could have easily have been August born and had they been I may have held them back, had I felt that they may struggle or weren’t quite ready. Not so they could be the ‘best’ in their year but for their own personal well-being as it’s well known that being the youngest in the year can present additional challenges for children. I’d look carefully at why this situation is triggering you so much and why you’re looking at it so competitively. Life isn’t a competition nor does your child need to be the best, focus on their achievement on its own merit. Had Lucy been born three weeks later it’s likely her achievements and birthday plans would have been very similar.

Why didn’t move yours down a year then? The option is there for all DC who are summerborn. I am planning the same for my April born. I want mine to have an extra year of play. I feel U.K. start formal schooling far too early and since the option is there we will avail it.

DC1 was an August baby - she has a group of neighbour frriends who were all born in September and October of her school year - the first time this registered with me was when she and I went to a 1st birthday party in the October. She was 2 months old and unable to sit up - the others were all one and starting walk. That was her school cohort.

I didn't have the opportunity to defer her. Although she was academically bright enough she was physically and emotionally unready for school which led to major confidence issues which then had a knock on effect on her academics as well as she ended up too scared to put her hand up in class.

In year 6 it was really noticeable that every child that won an academic scholarship to the senior school was born before the autumn half term. They all then benefited from the "scholars programme" which provided extra academic stretch/extra coaching in things like public speaking/external speakers coming in to give workshops. Guess which were the teenagers going to Oxbridge and medical school at 18?

DC ended up doing well at an extra curricular activity and now has a scholarship to conservatoire but the system was clearly rigged towards the older children in the year.

Would 12 months really be much different?

Presumably you also had the choice to defer your child's place too if they are young in the year, but opted not to.

I'm currently expecting my first due next February and me and my husband have already decided we will defer (Scotland) because we want our child to be older when they make subject choices and have exams so that they are better prepared. They will be 14/15 instead of 13/14 which is quite a difference really.
Me and my husband both have winter birthdays and were at the younger end of our school years, it is more difficult when you're being compared to children 9/10 months older especially in primary school.

Crikey @TiddleyWink you are comparing two grown adults of different sexes competing in sports with young children in primary school with a few extra months between them? That's a massive stretch for comparison.

Actually I am GC and find the idea of trans women competing against cis women in (most) sports horrifying. But thanks for assuming! I just saw some interesting parallels and was surprised how much more ok MN apparently is with a non level playing field in sport when it’s about age. One of the often cited disadvantages of putting kids in the ‘wrong’ age group is that they will have problems when a bit older and they’re prevented from participating in formal sports events with their cohort. Because those organisers recognise their physical advantage. Surely the same applies in reception? So I can see why the Op was put out. I’d be mortified if my older child competed against younger kids because I’d held them back and then took medals on sports day, it would be so embarrassing as everyone would know it was largely just because they weren’t being fielded against their equals!

My June born child was good at running and swimming, he won a gold medal in a swimming gala for that age group in year 5. He is wirey and light and has a natural apptitude for those sports. He is also academically a high achiever at 15 and way ahead of some autumn born children no doubt as he us predicted 8/9s. My March born younger child is uite small and is towered over by all 4 sumner born friends but she still is the fastest runner, I'm not sure a few months is going to make you a good athlete or not, it is about fitness as well as ability.

If you're GC, why do you say 'up in arms' and 'Cis'? You definitely aren't, but nice try.

And Lucy in this case is mere weeks older than the sept kids. She's not taking anything away from other children anymore that the sept children are.

I think parents do what they think is best for their kids.