To expect DD15 to feed herself?

[SteveHarringtonsChestHair]

Went on a lunch date today. DCs are all older teens. DD (15) is outraged that I didn’t sort out something for her to eat when I got home at 2.30pm

I told her there is bread for toast, wraps, crumpets, leftover chicken in the fridge, noodles/pasta etc and that she can make herself something. She thinks it is selfish of me to feed myself and not her.

WIBU?

YABU she needs lunch and you are mean not to provide her with this before you left or after you came home

YANBU she is 15 with no additional needs, perfectly capable of fending for herself and needs to grow the F up.

I thank you.

I cannot wait for the next opportunity to ask a hangry person if they need some second hand spaghetti 😂

No it isn't. Don't be silly. She's a teenager and thinks her mum is a slave. She'll grow out of it. Eventually. Or she'll marry someone who will carry her around instead of her mother.

I sometimes think that children become more and more capable until they get to around 10-12, and then there's a general regression in the teenage years where they feel oh so hard done by! I remember being the same with my parents whenever expected to cook a meal or fend for myself.

My 4yo can get themselves a drink of milk or water and make peanut butter crackers or a jam or cheese sandwich (using cheese slices from the fridge) without any help. But then I'm heavily pregnant and view with reluctance any suggestion that I should jump up from what I'm doing just because DC wants a snack when I know DC can do it without help.

But I can see the teenager in training as, despite being perfectly capable and full of beans, DC will occasionally collapse theatrically on the floor moaning "I'm so tired, Mummy, you'll have to do it for me!

I have a 15 year old with additional needs who is unable to cook but even he can get himself something for lunch.

She's being a brat

That’s pathetically lazy. 15? My dds are 11 and 12 and they make their own breakfast and lunch. She needs to pull her socks up and take responsibility for herself.

Oh bless you @WiddlinDiddlin - I think it’s really important to put things in perspective and I specifically asked her to read your post, as she lives a very sheltered life and couldn’t possibly imagine a world in which this was daily reality for a child.

She’s a good kid really and I think was a bit taken aback when I laughed at her originally so she doubled down on the entitlement!

If your daughter is building up a phobia about handling food for herself that she will go all day rather than face getting something to eat, I wouldn’t wait till September to tackle it. Time for some easy lunches to work on together.
Remember the goal is for her to be an independent adult by the time she leaves for higher education or training. Get cracking!

In probably less than a years time she is old enough to marry and have kids of her own.
Tell her she needs to grow up she doesn't need babying at 15.

Hello, @ForfuckssakeEXHstopbeingatwat , that was me. Of course it doesn't mean the OP can't do anything by herself or that the OP should have rushed home to knock up a quick lasagne for her. But putting myself back in a hormonal 15 year olds shoes I can see how I might find it a bit unfair if I was having a woe is me day. Mum's off for a nice lunch and I'm left with the sad spag bol! It's peak 'the world is against me and no-one understands' age.
The suggestion that the OP should have cooked for her when she got back is of course ridiculous, likewise the suggestion that she couldn't possibly make her own lunch. But to a teen sense of fair play, I do think she has a tiny point.

@DessicatedWithering OMG your DH is sooooo sweet😍 my ex wouldn't be my ex if he'd been like that!!

My 15 year old thinks your 15 year old is lazy… 🤣

@HardRockOwl out of interest would you have made a packed lunch for her when you go out? Seems a bit weird for a capable 15 year old! I went out to London for the day at the last minute and mine have managed to source lunch and tea! 🤣🤣

My autistic primary age child is capable of making a lunch. Not a terribly exciting lunch or anything “cooked” but he can make a basic sandwich and open a packet of crisps and peel a banana. Really buttering two slices of bread and inserting a slice of chicken or whatever is something I’d expect a nursery age child to be able to make a stab at. By teenage stage I have no expectation of being involved in his lunch at all beyond having suitable food in the house.

She might prefer you to bring her something gourmet, but life isn’t always how we prefer.

At 15 I didn't live with either of my parents and I made my own dinner every evening! Your daughter needs to take some responsibility for herself. She might find she actually enjoys growing up 😂

My 17 year old DD told me there was no food in the house yesterday. I was amazed, and pointed out the full fridge and cupboards. She told me that none of that is FOOD, it’s just INGREDIENTS. 😂

That’s what DD says and DS1 (22) has just got home and agreed with her . They’re ganging up on me now.

They claim that our bread is always frozen so they can’t make sandwiches (maybe if people ate it I wouldn’t have to freeze it?!) and he also said they didn’t ask to be born, so I have to look after them. He bought a 30 year old car and doesn’t expect it to service itself, he knows he is responsible for looking after it .

Think I need a break away for a few days and to leave the ungrateful buggers to their own devices.

This actually made me laugh out loud. She's got a comedy career ahead of her 😂

Think I need a break away for a few days and to leave the ungrateful buggers to their own devices

A break! Surely you'll take them on holiday with you - that's what mums are for.

Haha! If my 14 and 16 year old waited for me to make them lunch they’d have starved to death by now. I haven’t made them lunch since the first week of lockdown.

My 11 and 9 year old will often make themselves lunch and the 19 year old who mainly works from home probably makes lunch for us all more than I do!

The younger ones are at their dad's for the summer so it's now totally fend for yourself unless I fancy cooking. Which the 19 year old does regularly . I did make him lunch this morning as I was up early and he's been in the office today. He's already thanked me twice.

Sounds like there's more to this though if she's really getting a bit upset. Probably the fall out with friends. Friendship groups at that age can be tricky and sometimes bloody cruel!

If she isn't very confident in the kitchen maybe use the holidays to teach her some meal recipes that she likes

I feel sorry for your daughter now getting piled on even though it sounds like she's generally a good kid. Yes, clearly a 15 year old should be able to get their own lunch - or even nip to the shop to get something more to her liking if there's nothing in the fridge - but it sounds to me like maybe the issue was more about feeling left out and being treated like an unloved dog by her own mother and brother, left to root around for scraps while they ignored her existence (joke!!) I’m in my 30s and I still get sad and question my dad’s love for me if he makes himself a cup of tea without offering me one. No, seriously though, I'm sure she'll be able to redeem herself in the eyes of the Mumsnetters later on this week by preparing a lovely lunch for the whole family, to prove she can do it, but she’d just rather enjoy lunch as part of a family, isn’t that lovely 😊

And as pp have said she does sound like she has a good sense of humour in amongst the stroppy food demanding behaviour 🤣

You call a “block” what I can unbelievably rudeness

Same here!! I'm working on a strictly tea only basis (or dinner only if you're not northern!) My DCs are 13 & 16 and no way am I making lunch for everyone let alone if I'm going out for mine.

Weight of the world! In my day we still had to worry about 3 minute warning and Mutually Assured Destruction.
AND NO MICROWAVES or YouTube.

Lazy Huzzy