How to allocate rooms ?

[Notsure838]

Hello, this is my first post apologise if I do this wrong please don’t hesitate to tell me and how to amend ! I wondered if I could have some advice on bedrooms and blended families. I have 3 children from a previous marriage as does my husband but now both sets of children live full time with us, we are struggling on how to determine who shares with who and I awould appreciate an outsiders perspective. Their ages are ( sorry of abbreviations are incorrect)

DS4
DD7
DS9

DSD4
DSS6
DDD10

thanks in advance

Oh gosh sorry I forgot we have 4 bedrooms so 3 for them but all decent size with en-suites

How many bedrooms?

Do you have a dining room you could turn into your bedroom? Or another sitting room? Could you and your partner sleep in the living room to have 2 children in each bedroom.

If not it would make sense to have the girls in one and the boys in another but would it be to crowded?

How many bedrooms are available?

So 3 bedrooms are available for the children.
this is relatively short term we hope within 3 years to either renovate the attic or move but for the time being we are stuck and am reluctant to move to the sofa or convert another room

Complicated that there's 3 of each isn't it.

Potentially the 4 year olds together, then the remaining girls share and Remaining boys share? Not a permanent solution when they get older. Will there be scope to make changes to the house further down the line?

Or eldest has a room to herself then all boys together and remaining girls together?

Keep cross posting with you 😂

How long have you been together? I’d go your two DS to share, his two DD, your DD and his DS get their own room while you sleep in the living room?
Honestly though I’d maintain separate households until they are older.

2 little ones together. Then, depending on how well the children all get on, either older 2 from each family group sharing or 2 girls and 2 boys. They're all still little enough to share with a sibling of the opposite sex if they'd be happier with this than sharing with a same sex child from the other family.

And bollocks to the inevitable suggestions already there that you and your partner should give up a room

or a girls room, a boys room and a spare room? With a sofa bed so they can get away from their room at times?

How well.do they get on? I'd probably do older 2 girls and older 2 boys together and the 2 4 year olds together as well then reassess when you have renovated the attic. I dont really get the weird mumsnet obsession with giving up the living space so that children dont have to share a room

Tricky age and sex range to match up for sharing.

I’d be inclined to have the two 4 year olds share, then the boys aged 9 and 6, then the girls 7 and 10.

But I would look to move house or have a loft conversion as soon as is reasonable because the 4 year olds won’t be little forever and mixed sexed shared room won’t be something you’d want for them in a few years.

I wouldn't be giving up my bedroom either, with all those children you need a space of your own as a couple.

I don't think the oldest is old enough for a downstairs room on their own either but if your still there in 3 years I'd reconsider that.

I realise you have posted about a loft conversion since I started my post, forget to press post for a bit and then remembered it!

2 eldest girls in one room, 2 eldest boys in another and the 4yos in another.

Or a girls room and a boys room and the kids have the other room on a rota.

On the face of it I'd say the 10 year old gets her own room then separate the other children by sex. Maybe not too great for DSS9 but you say you hope you can renovate in a couple of years.

Bedroom 1 DSD10 & DD7
Bedroom 2 DSS6 & DS9
Bedroom 3 DS4 & DSD4

In the short term. It doesn’t sound ideal and won’t be a long term solution.

Your two boys together, his little boy and middle girl together and the two girls together. Then the 7 & 10 year old girls together.
If they were all siblings then I’d say differently but I’m not keen on unrelated children of different genders sharing.
In the future you can change arrangements depending on how they all get on

Thank you for your advice I really appreciate it I agree it’s hard as there is 3 of each and also annoyingly the genders are mirror opposites !
we have been together for 2 years and we believe it is beneficial to be one household due to financial reasons but mainly because husbands children suffered abuse from their mother and after much consultation with psychologist and careful introductions and gradual approaches we believe it would be beneficial for them to have a ‘motherly figure’and also be part of a larger family unit full of love rather than keep alternating between mine or my husbands house for days out or meals which is what we were doing

How well do they get on and are there any obvious personality clashes?

This is exactly what I was going to suggest.

What are the children's thoughts and preferences?

Oh sorry I should add that DSS6 has autism and in an ideal world we want to ensure he has a safe environment to cool down in as after being social I’m school all day he gets very overwhelmed and he is also very neat and distress is caused at mess or if things are not in what he deems ‘correct place’ which adds to the mix

@CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson while I did suggest giving up their room as an option I actually think they should put off moving in together.

I find it strange you are saying that the op and partner shouldn’t give up their room but it’s fine to make child keen share rooms with non-related people (who knows how long they’ve known each other). The op and partner are the ones wanting to live together so yes they should be the ones to sacrifice rather than their children who have no say in it.

I would either do this:
2 eldest girls in one room, 2 eldest boys in another and the 4yos in another.
or a boys room, a girls room and a play room (with a couple of desks in for homework etc)

I don’t think you should be living together to be honest. I know you think it would benefit you financially but it sounds like your husbands children have been through a lot and need a stable home and lots of love/one on one time from their father. I don’t think adding three additional children into the mix of their home will be beneficial at all, it’s just more upheaval and has the potential to cause significant issues. You’ve only been together for two years (and already married?!) and you’re already trying to create a new family with children who have been through trauma. Please stop and think about the potential impact that rushing head first into this relationship will have on the children.