How to allocate rooms ?

[Notsure838]

Hello, this is my first post apologise if I do this wrong please don’t hesitate to tell me and how to amend ! I wondered if I could have some advice on bedrooms and blended families. I have 3 children from a previous marriage as does my husband but now both sets of children live full time with us, we are struggling on how to determine who shares with who and I awould appreciate an outsiders perspective. Their ages are ( sorry of abbreviations are incorrect)

DS4
DD7
DS9

DSD4
DSS6
DDD10

thanks in advance

The children are very excited in all honesty although SS6 is struggling with change and I think all of them are finding it hard adjusting that their is 6 of them not 3 now so attention is diverted more than normal. The two 4 year olds are very friendly which is causing jealously from perspective elder biological siblings

Agree with this. And if possible, split the rooms into 'zones' so that each child has their own area, even if that is just a colourful rug + a cupboard or bookshelf for favourite toys that the other kids can't touch.

you could for example have an IKEA Kallax bookshelf as a room divider to give each child their own space within a big room.

Adding an additional three unrelated children into his household full time is REALLY not going to help this situation. Please stop and think about what you are doing.

Either the two 4 year olds together, or the sibling 4 and 6 year olds together, then the remainder divided into pairs by sex. Probably decide this based more on personality than anything else. Once you have an extra room give the two eldest their own rooms and then the four younger children share in pairs by sex.

Oh sorry I should add that DSS6 has autism and in an ideal world we want to ensure he has a safe environment to cool down in as after being social I’m school all day
Look into partitioning off a room with bunk beds. There are loads of ideas around, splitting the room so one side accesses the top bunk, the other the bottom, using curtains to close off a bunk bed etc. If there's a separate play room, then the bedroom could be a quiet space etc.

4 yr olds share - this will be their norm

DSS 6 and 9 share : age difference not horrendous and they will learn

DSD 10 and DD7 share

Sorry this is a no brainer. I shared with my sister - had its ups and downs and I resented it, loved it and just dealt with it - there were no alternatives.
Sorry simple solutions now and see how things evolve - don't over think it and hey will adapt.

AS to givng up your room -wtf and converting another room - no way

Some people need a relaity check on here

Are your step children still receiving help from mental health providers , if so would it be helpful to discuss the issue with them and what would be best?

is your main concern the 6 year old?

Oh sorry I should add that DSS6 has autism and in an ideal world we want to ensure he has a safe environment to cool down in as after being social in school

This is a bit of a drip feed.

But you don't have the space to give him a room of his own, so he'll have to share with your older DS. Can you create him a 'safe space' either within the parent bedroom, or even in the cupboard under the stairs? I'm thinking less Harry Potter, more small sensory room.

Things OP did not ask for opinions on

• if they should live together at all
• if she got married too soon
• what her step children need (they've got a psychologist who they've taken advice from, unless you know better?)

Things OP did ask for opinions on

• how best to split the three available bedrooms

Then all three girls in the master bedroom with triple bunk or divide it up if possible, DSS6 in the smaller room for his own space, your boys in together and you and DP get whatever's left 😅

Thank you so so much for all your help and sorry for not keeping up.

I have not heard of partions before where can I buy those but some great ideas for giving SD6 some of his own space

to the person who was concerned about the change for SD6 we have been doing it very gradually moving for the past 7 months with the help of a child psychologist going from pictures to show him what will happen to also letting him in the house first for a few nights a week just with dad then with both of us ( grandparents helped with others !) and so on so we hope we are managing it ok

I think that if I was your DC, I might be really resentful of having to share my mum purely to benefit some other children and even more resentful if I had to share a room with them just because I happened to be a similar age & sex as these other children. What do your DC get from this arrangement?
I'm another one who thinks that you can continue to live separately, giving your DC the space and support they need and also helping your partner out with his DC when you can. Perhaps that way, your DC will see having the other children over as fun and special rather than taking away from them.
Otherwise, I think you have all of your DC in one room in the short term, the 6yo with autism in a room (as they may need their space even more in a house with 6 DC) and the remaining two step children in the third room. If there isn't space for three DC in one room or if that just won't work for your DC, then I think you & your DP should sleep in one of the reception rooms so that your DC can have two rooms between them, with you deciding which two would share best together.

if DSS6 needs a safe space after school whoever he’s sharing with can be given free reign of the living room for a couple of hours

blooming heck this is a hard one!
after you update re DSS needs I would maybe do ….
room 1 - DS4 and and DS9
room 2 (hopefully largest) - DD7, DSD4 and DSD10
room 3 - DSS 6 so he has his own space.

However obviously you know the dynamics between the children and you may need to account for that. Are there any difficult relationships?

you could also do the thing where y put divide a room with a room divider/shelf to make it feel like they have a little slice of their own space.

@ChickPeaChic
Thanks for posting this, was fairly predictable this was the backstory, people who put their children front and centre don’t try and merge a family after 2 years. They certainly don’t consider it appropriate for non-related children who hardly know each other share a bedroom. Of course as a pp said it’s important that mum and dad have their own room to get away from all the children 🙄

i have spoken to my children and they get on great with my husband they all call him dad now as they have never meet theirs and we have spoke many times and asked what they want and do worry boxes etc and they would like to live together when we lived apart they asked to go over to his or asked why they were not coming out to the zoos with us etc. if they feel differently in time we have stressed they can tell us and we will change arrangements

@Notsure838
That update is not reassuring in any way, they should not be calling your husband dad after 2 years, children reflect back the answer they think you want. We all do, it’s human nature for most people, most people know and recognise this. I just can’t imagine any situation where a child wouldn’t feel anxious in this kind of scenario so the fact you think they are happy is worrying in itself.

This is an open forum, if people post then they invite opinions and their are SIX innocent children in the midst of this.

As someone with a very close family member who is an experienced child psychologist and having had dealings with the child psychology system myself I find it ASTOUNDINGLY hard to believe that a professional qualified child psychologist has said it’s a good idea to completely blend families with SIX children and SEN in the mix after two years.

I see the latest post from the OP saying her kids already call him Dad, which thankfully means this must be a wind up!

One girls' bedroom. One boys' bedroom. One playroom/study for all. You timetable and supervise use of the playroom so each gets a turn of it on their own or with pals they invite, Please,please don't pressure them to share their private time with siblings. This means they can still have pals over to play or sleep over and a bit of privacy. With 6, I'd also be timetabling use of the kitchen.

Well they have know him their whole life as he has been a close family friend so has always acted as a fatherly / uncle figure for them we went to uni together and is one of mines Godparents but I appreciate what you are saying would you say I am going to harm all the children by blending

I'm surprised that Dinkypig thinks she knows better than the professionals supporting your family.

She doesn't. Trust those who know you best.

Oh the capitals have been rolled out. My bad, now you've used caps it's clear to me that you are in fact correct.

Yes I think it’s pretty clear that the right thing to do is prioritise the needs of the children over adults wanting to live together. Pretty scary you think otherwise.

I was raised in a very large family with at least 3 children per room.
I would put all girls in one room
All boys in one room
Use 3rd room for playroom/chill out space also daybed and a rota where each child has a night in there per week.