How to allocate rooms ?

[Notsure838]

Hello, this is my first post apologise if I do this wrong please don’t hesitate to tell me and how to amend ! I wondered if I could have some advice on bedrooms and blended families. I have 3 children from a previous marriage as does my husband but now both sets of children live full time with us, we are struggling on how to determine who shares with who and I awould appreciate an outsiders perspective. Their ages are ( sorry of abbreviations are incorrect)

DS4
DD7
DS9

DSD4
DSS6
DDD10

thanks in advance

I agree with this.

You and your husband have the smallest bedroom possible. You will only use it for sleeping and have the rest of the house to use. Children tend to use their bedrooms more as their play and relaxation spaces so they need to have the biggest space possible if sharing.

Could you do us a floor plan and we could advise further.

(And not just because I love a floor plan)

Why would you subject your kids to this nightmare?

Just house yourself and your kids. See your boyfriend at the weekends.

The issue with that is the second oldest is only younger by a year and there won’t be a room to give him to study in

Three bedrooms so

1. DD7, DSD4, DDD10
2. DS4, DSS6
3. DS9

Depending on how big the rooms are you may be able to get a triple bunk bed for the three girls. Either that or one normal bunk bed on one side of the room for DDD10 and DSD4, and one of those bunk beds with a desk under it on other side of room for DD7.

Alternatively, if it's a 4 bed house is there no way you can partition the larger rooms or convert a living room into a bedroom?

Two 4y in together
Two girls in together
Two boys in together

No one should be needing to sleep in the living room, especially in a 4 bed house.

Sharing a bedroom is not really a big issue. Most families need to do it, it's a luxury to have a separate bedroom for every family member. In the past it was probably even more unusual to not share with siblings.

Even with age gaps it's not really a big problem. Obviously not ideal, but not going to cause anyone any significant issues either. I shared a room with my sister, who is 10 years by junior, from being 10 til I left university at 22y (last 3-4 years it was only in the holidays) - we copes fine.

And the age gaps involved here are pretty small.

The only issue you could have is if you are still there when the two smaller children reach pre teen type years. You may need to re think allocation at that point.

If you don't want (or the children don't want) to mix sibling groups, then it gets tricky. And I am adamant that adults should have their own room too, not the living room.

I think if you don't want to mix sibling groups then you'd need to consider 2 bedrooms for sleeping in only (3 in each, but will mean mixing sexes) and 1 shared playroom.

I like the room divider bed options - and think if done that way then it's easier for any to share.

The 4y may be a bit too young for an upper bunk just yet though.

Sharing a bedroom is not really a big issue. Most families need to do it, it's a luxury to have a separate bedroom for every family member. In the past it was probably even more unusual to not share with siblings.

But that's not what you are suggesting. You haven't said that the children should share with siblings.

This would have been cleared up almost immediately if it was as simple as put the girls together and put the boys together and put the four year olds together. It's like cancel the cheque all over again.

That comment was just about sharing in general as I know how funny MN is about anyone sharing at all.

I would consult the children regarding the rooms, especially the older ones. What would they prefer, knowing there are 6 of them and only 3 rooms - with the condition that none get to suggest that they get a room all to themselves.

I think people are being incredibly harsh on you OP. Apparently single mums are not allowed to fall in love and get married and blend families......
Kids are resilient and will adapt well if given the love and support they need.
Previous suggestion of the 4 Yr olds together, then 2 girls/ 2 boys sounds best. If there is a dining room/ garden shed with electrics that can be insulated or similar for the younger boy so he has a private space that he can go to after school to unwind would be great for him too.

Good luck OP, only you know the children's personalities and your family dynamics, trust your gut and the professionals involved, not people out for blood on mumsnet.

Sharing a bedroom is not really a big issue. Most families need to do it, it's a luxury to have a separate bedroom for every family member. In the past it was probably even more unusual to not share with siblings.

But these aren't siblings being expected to share. If they were all biological siblings, it wouldn't even be an issue.

They're unrelated DC who are expected to share a room because their parents have decided to get married and move everyone into a home that's too small to meet their needs.

This. The poor kids have had no say in the matter at all.

Thank you all once again I have looked a lot at dividers which loom great and also the idea of a boys and girls and playroom is also a good idea. We have not yet discussed with the children but plan to do so once we have more of an idea on what we believe would be best. Also I do feel bad about not having enough rooms to those saying we are harming them moving in to a too small a house but I have scaled back work to try and help with the transition for the children sake especially SD6 but I hope to build back up and husband is looking at a promotion soon which should help us expand. Although i now I know I am going to get abuse for this both currently wr both live in two bedroom flats so the children all currently share a room between 3 which are much smaller

sorry for all the typos I promise I can spell just typing in a rush !

I agree it's very soon for your children to call their SD dad. Is that something you encouraged?

I would look to partition the rooms. Could you perhaps start by leaving them sharing as they are at home? obvs that is 3 to a room, but what they are used to.

I agree with this I think. The 4yr olds will be happy whatever, but I think I’d be tempted to try giving the older kids the option to share by family. You might still have to make a decision though if they’re useless and bicker like my kids would! I’d offer room dividers/ decoration to make the move a bit easier.

Sharing with your own siblings is vastly different from being put in with unrelated step family.

There just won't be anywhere to get away from it all for anyone.

This

Well if they are currently 3 in a room, 2 in a room and own en-suite is a big step up.

we have been together for 2 years and we believe it is beneficial to be one household

It's really not - please reconsider this. "Blending" very rarely works for children, and it especially won't work when you're forcing six children together, half of whom have been absued, in three rooms, when their parents have only been together two years.

Please please please don't do this to them.

If they currently share with siblings, then keep it that way.

Don’t force them to mix. They might want to eventually, but to start, they are just random people who they must live with. The closeness you feel with the father and even with the step kids because of the relationship with the father does not automatically get replicated.

Sharing with your own siblings is very different to sharing with strangers.

What happens when older two go through puberty and have to deal with that in a room they're sharing with unrelated kids?

It's not fair to expected unrelated children to share rooms long-term, especially not if they're opposite sexes.

That's quite a nonsensical thing to say when you consider parents who send their DC boarding school. Then they really do share with strangers. These aren't strangers and the DH is not someone the OP has just met and married, she's known him for a long time.

That's quite a nonsensical thing to say when you consider parents who send their DC boarding school. Then they really do share with strangers.

That's a completely different situation.

Like a bus and your own car is a different situation.

Or making four meals every night because you can order what you like in a restaurant.

That's a completely different situation.
Yes, a far worse one but people still do it. At least these children will be living with a parent.

Some children sleep in a pile of rags on the street. How does any of this justify what the OP is doing?