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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents of young kids, how much couple time do you get on holiday?

112 replies

dockspider · 14/08/2022 17:31

If you have young kids (preschool and early primary years sorts of ages) and don’t use kids clubs, how much time do you and your partner get as a couple on holiday?

DH has just said that he feels sad we didn’t get any proper time the two of us on overseas holiday. I think it’s a bit unrealistic to expect that with small kids, no childcare and relaxed/late bedtimes for kids (latter is both of our choice/fault but does mean we tend to head to bed not long after the children).

AIBU?

OP posts:
LightandMomentary · 14/08/2022 17:33

Honestly, if they're not in childcare, it was evenings only when little. If you want to have some dedicated daytime or 'not only in a bedroom' time together, you need to organise a babysitter.

Stickmansmum · 14/08/2022 17:35

Almost zero cos the fuckers stay up late on hols too.

InChocolateWeTrust · 14/08/2022 17:35

We get the evenings. Ours both go to bed by 7.30pm. We usually stay in self catered so we can then sit outside with wine & cheese

bumpytrumpy · 14/08/2022 17:36

None. 30 mins outside the tent while they giggle & not sleep, max.

Basilthymerosemary · 14/08/2022 17:36

After 10pm 🤣😂 until about 6:30am

Kite22 · 14/08/2022 17:37

When ours were little, bedtime would be a bit relaxed, but they would still be in bed long before us, at that age - so, the evenings.

MassiveSalad22 · 14/08/2022 17:37

How would you, if not kids club or baby listening service? What was his idea/what was he expecting?

Thewheelsfalloffthebus · 14/08/2022 17:37

Very little! Suggest kids’ clubs on the next holiday!

happystory · 14/08/2022 17:37

Same as chocolate. Self-catering so we could sit in garden, on balcony in the evenings.

InChocolateWeTrust · 14/08/2022 17:37

This is kind of why people do things like bring grandparents on holiday, or travel with friends or siblings where each couple can have a turn having a dinner out while the others babysit for them.

MassiveSalad22 · 14/08/2022 17:38

We’re going away next week (3 kids, 7, 4 and 4 months) and expecting it to be very full on. Kids club but 50% chance they’ll hate it, baby listening service for the older 2 but 1. feel iffy about that so maybe not and 2. will always have the baby with us. It’s nice just to chill by the pool together thoufh I guess and be in a different place! So to answer your question, probably none!

Narcheska · 14/08/2022 17:39

of no childcare and kids clubs then very little! Whatever is left after they go to bed. Part of the course of young kids.

Classicblunder · 14/08/2022 17:39

A friend of mine gets a holiday nanny - they don't usually have a nanny, it is just for the holiday. The nanny mostly does some evening babysitting but also a couple of half days so that they can do an excursion or two that aren't child friendly.

It doesn't cost as much as I had assumed, I realised from chatting with her and I am tempted!

Afterfire · 14/08/2022 17:40

Errrrrr none! None whatsoever!

Ds is 10 now and has autism and learning disabilities so he’s more challenging than most but even when dd was little we just accepted we’d never get time alone. We never even got the after bed time that we’d have at home as they’d be so excited they’d be up late! It’s just something you learn to accept. We’d never use kids clubs.

Original poster
dockspider · 14/08/2022 17:42

Ok, sounds fairly similar then! We like going to quiet, remote places so kids’ clubs not really on the agenda. We have holidayed with his parents in the past but definitely wouldn’t want to do every holiday with them.

I think he was expecting it would be like home where the kids are in bed early enough for us to have a good couple of hours together in the evening. Or maybe that we would be less tired and go to bed later!

OP posts:
Leggingslife · 14/08/2022 17:42

1 hour between them falling asleep and us falling asleep.

cantheydothisreally · 14/08/2022 17:45

When mine were little it was exhausting being away! So very little 'couple time'

Now they are older teens they go to bed later than us or at the same time 🤣

AliasGrape · 14/08/2022 17:45

None really. We've done one holiday abroad with our now 2 year old, it was to visit an older relative abroad who bless her did offer to babysit one evening but DD was only just 1, could not be relied upon to sleep through and it was the first time she'd met this relative so didn't seem fair really.

We've also had a few self catering UK holidays, we had maybe an hour or two after DD goes to bed to sit in garden/ lounge with a drink.

We are going away with in laws later this year, self catering again. They've booked a lovely house opposite a pub and have said if we want to go to the pub once DD is in bed they're happy to be left in charge, so hopefully we will get to do that a few times.

Numbat2022 · 14/08/2022 17:49

None, obviously. Or at least only the bit of the evening between him going to bed late and us going to bed. A holiday with young children is not really a holiday in terms of a rest, it's just normal life somewhere different.

I wouldn't use kids clubs or a listening service, not convinced of the safety of either (and wouldn't want to go somewhere that has a kids club). Would go on holiday with parents if they wanted but would feel bad expecting them to babysit.

ratussbaguss · 14/08/2022 17:50

None of course!

alpenguin · 14/08/2022 17:51

None. As soon as we had kids we realised our holiday time was now family holiday time and there wouldn’t be “us” time for 16 years at least.

stuntbubbles · 14/08/2022 17:52

bumpytrumpy · 14/08/2022 17:36

None. 30 mins outside the tent while they giggle & not sleep, max.

Oh GOD you’ve just reminded me of the first time we went away with DD as a baby. Booked a hotel room for a wedding, didn’t think it through, ended up eating room service dinner in the bathroom after she’d gone to sleep at 6.30pm. Grin

Original poster
dockspider · 14/08/2022 17:53

As soon as we had kids we realised our holiday time was now family holiday time and there wouldn’t be “us” time for 16 years at least.

This is how I’ve always felt - and I think DH mostly does too, but maybe wants to have his cake and eat it in terms of being with the kids and letting them stay up late but then still magically having time for us!

OP posts:
AliceW89 · 14/08/2022 17:58

2 year old DS. We had an hour or so in the evenings when he was asleep and we sat on the balcony. During the day, zero.

Favouritefruits · 14/08/2022 18:03

Apart from sleep, none! Who’d have the children?