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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner wants me to pay for his car when he’s working full time

110 replies

PinkBump2022 · 14/08/2022 14:19

So me and my partner both work. I have my own business and we use universal credit to top up. Before my partner went back to work after being on the sick we were just on universal credit and my business was just starting. We used the universal credit to pay for his car and I have always used my money to pay for my own car. We live together and have a child and another one due very soon. So now my partner is back at work full time earning £850 a week, he still wants me to use the universal credit to pay for his car, this goes in my bank to top up my wages and Iv been using it for our child’s needs, food, and buying baby things. So now after giving him the money for his car (£420 a month finance) and £170 insurance, it’s joint insurance and it’s high because he got points for speeding twice in 1 year. I’m left with not enough to buy the bouncy chair, swing, or crib. However he’s got two accounts with a fair amount in each.

am I wrong for saying He should be paying for his car now he’s earning more than enough! We do drive each other’s cars and are on each other’s insurance. But I pay my own car and own insurance I’d never ask him to pay my insurance even though he drives my car all of the time, and I pay my own fiancé which is not even half of what his is! He knows we need this baby things and hasn’t even offered to buy anything and he knows our child still needs uniform and hasn’t offered to buy these either, even when I said oh I don’t get paid again until a week before he goes to school and that’s leaving it a little late to get the rest of the uniform as it may be sold out then.
i don’t know if I’m just super hormonal or if he’s just being very greedy with his money!

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 14/08/2022 15:01

OP in he update says she has a disabled child, disabled partner and an adapted home. I'm guessing her UC are because of th8os fact.

mindutopia · 14/08/2022 15:03

Jesus, Dh and I earn over £100k a year, never claimed any benefits, and no way we would pay £420 pcm for a car and £170 on insurance. 🙄

We have 1 car on finance at £180 pcm and insurance is about £250 a year!

girlmom21 · 14/08/2022 15:04

Hankunamatata · 14/08/2022 15:01

OP in he update says she has a disabled child, disabled partner and an adapted home. I'm guessing her UC are because of th8os fact.

Generally you'd expect someone with an adapted home to be entitled to a mobility car too

StaunchMomma · 14/08/2022 15:10

You're not hormonal OP, you're being used as a feckin doormat!!

He's earning more than you but is making you pay for everything for the kids, never mind HIS car?!!

Fuck. THAT!!!

Tell him it ends today and he needs to contribute more.

Cheeky bastard.

Bordesleyhills · 14/08/2022 15:11

1FootInTheRave · 14/08/2022 14:20

How are you getting uc when he's earning 850 quid a week?

Quite I thought that was if you earns £154 a week

FuchsAndMöhr · 14/08/2022 15:11

Weemummykay · 14/08/2022 14:47

This is what I was wondering to. Am currently on mat leave and get £312 a fortnight and only get £190 top up from UC. Me and OH don’t live together as we get on better not being under each other constantly but he come every day after work to help with our 2ds and stays on weekends, still helps pay for shopping(as he should because he has dinner here every night and a big appetite)and stuff for the kids. When kids needs anything I’ll order and pay then TELL oh ur due me such n such for this or tht

Oh, so you’ve found a way of screwing the system too 🙄

Crankley · 14/08/2022 15:13

I hope you had a nice holiday in Mexico OP. Was that also from benefits and therefore paid for by other people via their taxes?

Shameless.

Bordesleyhills · 14/08/2022 15:14

Bordesleyhills · 14/08/2022 15:11

Quite I thought that was if you earns £154 a week

See there is a update but £850 a week is a huge wage plus what you earn.

OneForTheRoadThen · 14/08/2022 15:15

@Weemummykay what you're doing is actually benefit fraud too

HinchcliffeandMurgatroyd · 14/08/2022 15:17

SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 14/08/2022 14:35

Cocklodger alert.

More like “stealth benefit bashing alert”.

If UC were that generous, 80% of the population would be on it.

Crankley · 14/08/2022 15:17

I agree. Another benefits cheat.

Louise0701 · 14/08/2022 15:17

Yep, that’s definitely why you “don’t live together” OP. Nothing to do with the benefits. Get some self respect for Christ sake.

Bobshhh · 14/08/2022 15:17

You seem to have an awful lot of drama in your life based on your previous threads.

I am comfortable and there is no way I'd ever ever ever pay £400 a month on a car.

Meraas · 14/08/2022 15:18

Weemummykay · 14/08/2022 14:47

This is what I was wondering to. Am currently on mat leave and get £312 a fortnight and only get £190 top up from UC. Me and OH don’t live together as we get on better not being under each other constantly but he come every day after work to help with our 2ds and stays on weekends, still helps pay for shopping(as he should because he has dinner here every night and a big appetite)and stuff for the kids. When kids needs anything I’ll order and pay then TELL oh ur due me such n such for this or tht

Why do tax payers have to pay for you and your partner? Infuriating.

GrazingSheep · 14/08/2022 15:20

@Weemummykay
Are you pretending to be a lone parent to get benefits?

mathanxiety · 14/08/2022 15:21

@girlmom21 it would depend on the disability.

OP, this man is stealing from you.

He should be paying for his own car and insurance.

He should be paying half of everything else - all the baby costs, child costs (is older child his?), household bills, and rent or mortgage.

Stop letting him walk all over you.

SMabbutt · 14/08/2022 15:22

Are you sure it is UC and not child disability benefit you are getting? That might explain why you are getting benefits for those questioning it.

There are several ways to deal with his financial abuse. A couple I would suggest.

Tell him you'll pay half towards his car when he pays half towards your car and all the other bills that you've been covering on your own.

Or open a joint account for all shared liabilities such as rent, utilities, council tax and expenditure for your joint children. Any money coming from that account has to be agreed by you both. After that any money you earn is to cover personal things including your in cars. If you only work part time the UC is the payment to you for the additional childcare responsibilities you have. That way if he wants to run an expensive car only he will be impacted.

Or there is the last resort option. Work out what you'd have to live on if you kicked him out, had lower food and car related bills and potentially got increased benefits. Also he would have to pay maintenance unless he took on 50/50 child care. You may find you and your dc would be financially better of without him. If that is the case nd you would consider separation to provide a better financial situation for your dc show him the figures and let him know you may have to think seriously about what is best for you and your dc if he doesn't start paying his way.

RudsyFarmer · 14/08/2022 15:23

Finance of how much?!!!!!! What the hell’s he driving?

HinchcliffeandMurgatroyd · 14/08/2022 15:24

girlmom21 · 14/08/2022 14:26

OP are you talking about disability benefit as opposed to universal credit?

I’m sure she knows the difference.

She knows what she’s doing by posting.

But everyone is giving her the reaction she wants.

RudsyFarmer · 14/08/2022 15:24

FuchsAndMöhr · 14/08/2022 15:11

Oh, so you’ve found a way of screwing the system too 🙄

I thought exactly the same?!!!!!!!

Decompressingmama3 · 14/08/2022 15:26

Op is what is wrong with the UK.

Louise0701 · 14/08/2022 15:26

OP which child is disabled? Your 12 year old son, your 12 year old daughter or your 2 year son? You’ve posted about all 3 in the past couple of months.

Spacerader · 14/08/2022 15:27

I clicked yabu necause I can't work out how your dp earns 850 a week, and with your wages you get uc. Depending on your wage you are easily bring in more than 4k a month.

If by uc, you mean disability payments, who are these for are they awarded to your child and your partner, or just your child. If its just awarded for your child then no you don't pay for his car. If part of the award is for your dp, then its his money. Although earning 850 a week I don't see why he would need extra financial support

BubbleDoubleTrouble3 · 14/08/2022 15:28

Stop paying him money today !

Nothappyatwork · 14/08/2022 15:30

Pretty sure the OP is not coming back now they realise they’ve dropped a bollock 🙄

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