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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have ‘defaced’ this photograph??

818 replies

Boobsakimboo · 14/08/2022 09:39

We have lockers at work, in our break room where everyone goes and one co-worker,
Jim, has a photo of a famous, topless page 3 girl on the inside of his door.
the girl in the photo was 16 when it was taken, and he’s had it since around the same age - he wrote into The Sun and got a signed one sent- so it’s very precious to him.

several women have mentioned to Jim that they’d rather he didn’t have it there as the locker door is often left open and we can see it. Jim thinks we’re prudes, because it’s famous page 3 girls, and IN his locker it’s not an issue.

Anyway, cut to last week. I was alone in break room. Locker door was open so I’m looking at this picture. There were Sharpie pens sitting on the table. So I gave the child in the photo quite a substantial bikini top with the permanent marker.

shit has hit the fan! Management don’t quite know what to do. Jim is furious, and the workforce divided into those who think it’s funny and those who think it was wrong.
no-one know who did it… Jim
his suspicions …

So MN, was AIBU??

OP posts:
whalleyt · 14/08/2022 10:57

Thats like someone cutting up someone’s leather handbag because they are vegan.

except it's not because leather handbags are not illegal

WisherWood · 14/08/2022 10:57

If she was 16, it must have been legal at the time, otherwise the Sun wouldn't have used her picture.

It's interesting that you have so much faith in the tabloids, even though they consistently do break the law in this and other areas. The OP hasn't said who it's a picture of (to my knowledge) but the Sun published photographs of Sam Fox taken when she was 15, although not published until she was 16.

Sparklingbrook · 14/08/2022 10:57

I do hope the DM features a sad picture of Jim, looking forlorn with the said image

Not a picture of the OP getting a round of applause while clutching a Sharpie? Or both? Grin

GrumpyPanda · 14/08/2022 10:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Are you seriously telling us workplace sexual harassment - which this is - doesn't constitute a problem in the global south? Clueless and patronising.

whalleyt · 14/08/2022 10:58

" I do hope the DM features a sad picture of Jim, looking forlorn with the said image.
"But Michaelangelo's David is nude, I don't understand!" he sobbed."

🤣

SunnyD44 · 14/08/2022 10:59

have you read what I said above about the employer potentially in breach of the 2010 Equality Act. Op absolutely has a leg to stand on. She could quite easily create a defence about the management allowing sexual harassment and a hostile work environment by allowing Jim to display a photo others raised was offensive and made them uncomfortable. Yes OP should have raised it with HR but OP could easily argue she had no faith they would do anything either given management had been so ineffective. I'm a HR professional of 20 plus years and no way would I be recommending anything other than minor action against the OP - allowing Jim to display that photo is an employment tribunal waiting to happen.

@Starrystarrynight456 I believe that you do have a lot of experience but I would not be surprised if OP didn’t get at least a warning.
Especially as she didn’t take it to HR.

She told management and they said it was ok - so she went against them too and destroyed it.

She should have taken it to HR and her argument about not having faith in them won’t stand as she never even spoke to them about it.
And she could have just removed it instead of defacing it.

A similar thing happened to me where a colleague had a calendar of naked men.
I took no offence personally but thought it was completely unacceptable for our workplace.
I spoke to her and she didn’t move it so I mentioned it to my boss who told her to remove it.
If my boss didn’t say this then I wouldn’t have just gone and scribbled all over it like a child and got myself in trouble, I would have just taken it higher.

KTheGrey · 14/08/2022 10:59

I think there may be a reason it's not at home...
Surely by now he may have daughters the same age - and sexualised pictures of 16 year old girls is creepy. So on balance, Jim should have hidden his wank bank hard copy better.

Onandupw · 14/08/2022 10:59

@easylisten do you think that child sexual images are not a problem in developing countries. Do you think that chidl
sexual images are NOT a problem in the first world?

becoming3 · 14/08/2022 10:59

Personally I think YABU because if it was a signed copy of something he would not be able to replace it.

However..

why the hell were management allowing this to be on show and even in the workplace altogether! You should have bought in some pictures of naked men and put them on the insides of your lockers and I wonder if management would have been ok with that! He should have taken it home to enjoy so to be honest it's his own fault really if it's been ruined IMO.

CloudCatz · 14/08/2022 11:00

If you had a photo of a partner you'd had when you were both sixteen, would you destroy it? Or would you enjoy the nostalgia? I know she wasn't his partner, but the principle is the same?

No, it isn't. If I had a photo of me and a 16 year old partner who were fully clothed, I would maybe keep it for nostalgia. I wouldn't keep naked photos... Because then I'd be an adult with sexual images of children.

Original poster
Boobsakimboo · 14/08/2022 11:00

@ImJustMadAboutSaffron YES Queen! You know what - I’m surprised that there aren’t more women coming forward to say this?? I remember doing work experience years ago in a hotel and the receptionist binned a calendar that was in the managers office when he was out for the day.
it was one of those Pirelli type ones and she’d repeatedly told him he shouldn’t have it up as many of the reception staff were 18/19/20 ish girls who used the back office.

OP posts:
QueSyrahSyrah · 14/08/2022 11:00

CloudCatz · 14/08/2022 10:47

There is nothing wrong with one 16 year old fancying another 16 year old.

Yes, but he's 50 now. Do you watch films you used to watch when you were 16, and still find those 16 year old actors fuckable at your age now?

American Pie came out when I was 15. If I watch it now I still nostalgically think Stifler is hot. I am fully aware that in the unlikely event I were to shag him now he would be a 40 year old Man, not the teenage boy on screen.

What I don't do (and we can assume Jim doesn't do) is watch a movie made NOW and letch over the teenage actors.

Onandupw · 14/08/2022 11:01

@becoming3 does the fact of a signature make a child
sexual image somehow not a child sexual image?

whalleyt · 14/08/2022 11:01

If she was 16, it must have been legal at the time, otherwise the Sun wouldn't have used her picture.

Yes the Sun always does the right thing 🤣

Mamamia7962 · 14/08/2022 11:01

YABU - What gives you the right to damage somebody else's property just because you feel offended by it. If it's the model Sam Fox then she has always defended her Page 3 career.

What makes it worse is this man is supposed to be your friend. You are very childish.

IaltagDhubh · 14/08/2022 11:01

YABU op. A bikini still isn’t appropriate for work. You should have cut out a little skirt suit with blazer and blouse and superglued it on.

Jim is a dirty perv and a misogynist. If it was so precious to him, he would have kept it safe at home where it couldn’t get damaged. I suspect his wife wouldn’t be too impressed with that though. He had it on display at work, precisely because he knew it made women uncomfortable.

if you feel guilty for damaging his property, you could get him a more recent photo of the woman the age she is now. He’d probably really appreciate that 😂

PonyPatter44 · 14/08/2022 11:01

If Jim had taken the photo of a naked 16 year old girl himself, would people be OK with that being on show? I would seriously hope not!

I think it was a bit mean of you to draw on his photo, but i think the ones at fault are the managers for not insisting he took it down. It might have been a bit of fun at the time it was taken 30 years ago, but these days, its illegal child pornography, and i am AMAZED that any workplace thinks its OK to have this on show.

Lifeadmin · 14/08/2022 11:02

You could have taken it down, you should not have defaced someone else’s property.

SunnyD44 · 14/08/2022 11:03

i put a bra on her. The photo is intact. Her belly is still bare, her bum cheeks still in all their glory. Her pretty still there to be admired… it just me and the other women no longer need to see her nipples on a daily basis.

So you don’t have an issue with a 16 year old half naked in a sexy pose baring her bum cheeks?

pictish · 14/08/2022 11:03

Boobsakimboo · 14/08/2022 10:53

‘But you think so little of him you destroyed something that is precious to him.’

i put a bra on her. The photo is intact. Her belly is still bare, her bum cheeks still in all their glory. Her pretty still there to be admired… it just me and the other women no longer need to see her nipples on a daily basis.

Yes…you destroyed it. The photo is anything but intact. It’s a photo, the image has been permanently altered. You have destroyed it.

Why am I having to explain this to you? Is it because you prefer to downplay what you did to make it something else? Something less spiteful?
Don’t bother. You destroyed it.

Lifeadmin · 14/08/2022 11:03

However if had been wind chimes destruction, fill your boots.

RandomMess · 14/08/2022 11:03

YANBU because he was leaving his locker open when not in us. Why was he doing that? I think the only reason was to get a kick out of the fact that several of his colleagues found it offensive and asked him to remove it.

It's probably at work because either he or his wife or both don't think it's appropriate to have it up at home.

Onandupw · 14/08/2022 11:04

@pictish why do you have a problem with a sexual image of a child being destroyed?

whalleyt · 14/08/2022 11:04

If a middle aged man’s most treasured possession is a child sexual image

tbf it's signed

Hugasauras · 14/08/2022 11:05

You should dress her up for each season. Autumn next so a nice scarf and some wellies.