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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have ‘defaced’ this photograph??

818 replies

Boobsakimboo · 14/08/2022 09:39

We have lockers at work, in our break room where everyone goes and one co-worker,
Jim, has a photo of a famous, topless page 3 girl on the inside of his door.
the girl in the photo was 16 when it was taken, and he’s had it since around the same age - he wrote into The Sun and got a signed one sent- so it’s very precious to him.

several women have mentioned to Jim that they’d rather he didn’t have it there as the locker door is often left open and we can see it. Jim thinks we’re prudes, because it’s famous page 3 girls, and IN his locker it’s not an issue.

Anyway, cut to last week. I was alone in break room. Locker door was open so I’m looking at this picture. There were Sharpie pens sitting on the table. So I gave the child in the photo quite a substantial bikini top with the permanent marker.

shit has hit the fan! Management don’t quite know what to do. Jim is furious, and the workforce divided into those who think it’s funny and those who think it was wrong.
no-one know who did it… Jim
his suspicions …

So MN, was AIBU??

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 14/08/2022 10:50

CounsellorTroi · 14/08/2022 10:37

Just being realistic. I had several personal items taken off my desk when I was working.

Show quote history

Still "victim blaming". The fault for the damage lies entirely with the OP (no matter how grim the photo).

Hugasauras · 14/08/2022 10:50

Totally inappropriate to have topless pictures of a 16-year-old girl (or any woman!) in a workplace, whether it's inside a locker or not. Clearly it's very visible as everyone knows about it, so it's not just for his own personal 'enjoyment' (Envy not envy), it's being inflicted on people who quite rightly don't want to see it. Good riddance to it.

whalleyt · 14/08/2022 10:52

allowing Jim to display that photo is an employment tribunal waiting to happen.

exactly

Onandupw · 14/08/2022 10:52

@SoupDragon so your answer to the question of how important are the rights of the property owners of chold
sexual images is that they are above any rights of people who are upset and offended by child sexual images.

interesting.

LittleGreenBeetle · 14/08/2022 10:52

You were unreasonable in defacing his most treasured possession.
BUT ALSO
He was unreasonable keeping it at work where it upset people and where it was vulnerable to damage.

Jedsnewstar · 14/08/2022 10:52

This one is deffo going to the fail surely. ‘Woke feminists deface elderly co workers sentimental signed picture hidden away INSIDE his locker’

Personally op I would have removed it and raised concerns properly with HR. I won’t be losing sleep over an old perv having his wank photo of a child destroyed though.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 14/08/2022 10:52

you went too far op,
it is bullying behaviour, for someone you call your friend, so much so that you didnt want to dob him into HR!
talk about back stabber
are you still friends?

whalleyt · 14/08/2022 10:53

But not HR who could have done big everything.

management certainly should have raised it with hR

Original poster
Boobsakimboo · 14/08/2022 10:53

‘But you think so little of him you destroyed something that is precious to him.’

i put a bra on her. The photo is intact. Her belly is still bare, her bum cheeks still in all their glory. Her pretty still there to be admired… it just me and the other women no longer need to see her nipples on a daily basis.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 14/08/2022 10:53

This must be in the Daily Mail already surely?

Or will the thread disappear as it's quite an outing set of circumstances...

CandyLeBonBon · 14/08/2022 10:54

Jedsnewstar · 14/08/2022 10:52

This one is deffo going to the fail surely. ‘Woke feminists deface elderly co workers sentimental signed picture hidden away INSIDE his locker’

Personally op I would have removed it and raised concerns properly with HR. I won’t be losing sleep over an old perv having his wank photo of a child destroyed though.

Don't do their bloody job for them! Copyright that headline immediately!

Lauraa7 · 14/08/2022 10:54

I bet he couldn’t take it home and that’s why he keep it at work.
I think it’s brilliant that you did this!

SuperPets · 14/08/2022 10:54

Discovereads · 14/08/2022 10:18

YABU
You damaged someone’s personal property that is actually a quite valuable signed vintage photo and irreplaceable. It’s something that was very precious to an older man that he had treasured since he was 16- so for decades.

You were also being an entitled vigilante about it by going against management decisions that employees can have what they like in THEIR LOCKERS so long as it’s not illegal. You have no right to be the self-appointed morality police of the locker room.

The picture was on the INSIDE of HIS LOCKER- so not displayed in a prominent place as you trying to imply. And I doubt very much he is wandering off and leaving his locker door wide open and unlocked during the work day. It’s open while he’s in the locker room which is perfectly fine.

Quite frankly, you’re a bully and I hope you get caught and disciplined.

That personal property was child pornography. It was a semi naked child.

Not only is it inappropriate and offensive, it's also illegal.

Hugasauras · 14/08/2022 10:54

And yes ideally you would report it and it would be taken seriously but I wouldn't be losing any sleep over the woes of a dirty middle-aged man 🤷‍♀️ If no one can prove who did it then I don't see how it can go any further anyway.

Onandupw · 14/08/2022 10:55

If a middle aged man’s most treasured possession is a child sexual image does that make it okay to display a child sexual image in the workplace?

a surprising number of posters think yes to that.

GoodThinkingMax · 14/08/2022 10:55

several women have mentioned to Jim that they’d rather he didn’t have it there as the locker door is often left open and we can see it.

"Jim" is creating a work atmosphere which could be construed as hostile to women. A topless model photograph is objectifying & sexualising women.

You need to make this point to your managers.

Viostep · 14/08/2022 10:55

A creepy 50 year old man displaying a topless photo of a 16 year old girl in the workplace. He knows it makes women in the workplace feel uncomfortable. No sympathy from me I'm afraid. Good on you OP. That's hilarious! If it hadn't been complained about to management before or Jim didn't know it caused offence, I would maybe say you were a bit unreasonable. I hope you never get caught and never admit it was you 😁

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 14/08/2022 10:56

I am old enough to remember The Sun doing count downs to Page 3 girl's 16th birthdays, although the one I remember is Lindsay Dawn Mackenzie. She posed with her hands over her tits for the count down, then topless on her birthday. Even back then a lot of people were appalled! I remember girlie calenders being pinned up in the office, it was disgusting and intimidating, and I am glad it isn't a thing any more. So good for you, and if that makes me a hysterical feminist, so be it. Jim is a filthy perve who was getting his rocks off pissing off his female colleagues, I have zero sympathy for him. Precious photo my arse.

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 14/08/2022 10:56

If you think it was the right thing to do why haven’t you told everyone it was you????

CloudCatz · 14/08/2022 10:56

If a middle aged man’s most treasured possession is a child sexual image

Then he's a sad old lecherous creep for sure

FOJN · 14/08/2022 10:56

This one is deffo going to the fail surely. ‘Woke feminists deface elderly co workers sentimental signed picture hidden away INSIDE his locker’

Elderly? OP has said Jim is 48!

Maireas · 14/08/2022 10:56

Jedsnewstar · 14/08/2022 10:52

This one is deffo going to the fail surely. ‘Woke feminists deface elderly co workers sentimental signed picture hidden away INSIDE his locker’

Personally op I would have removed it and raised concerns properly with HR. I won’t be losing sleep over an old perv having his wank photo of a child destroyed though.

I do hope the DM features a sad picture of Jim, looking forlorn with the said image.
"But Michaelangelo's David is nude, I don't understand!" he sobbed.

saraclara · 14/08/2022 10:56

"Jim, I've said before that your photo is really offensive. Management don't seem to care, so the next step is to go to HR. I'd really rather not do that, but I will at the end of the week. If you don't want them involved, it's down to you"

But hey, you chose to destroy his property. I'm not sure why you're so proud of yourself.

Hugasauras · 14/08/2022 10:57

Also the only reason he has that picture is because it is sexually titillating for him and he finds it arousing. In what world is having porno of a teenage girl on display IN YOUR WORKPLACE to provide you with a sexual thrill every time you look in your locker a normal or acceptable thing to do? Any place I've worked, this would have been disciplinary. He's got off lightly with the sharpie!

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 14/08/2022 10:57

I worked for a construction company in the holidays when I was a student. They had terrible calendars in the office and they kept disappearing. Because I put them in the shredder.